Communications

• Wedding hashtag: #IThinkYouShouldLove
• Wedding photo captions:
  • Friend selfie: Wedding with these dumb dumbs!
  • Friend selfie: Wedding Day with these idiots!
  • Photo of bride & groom cutting wedding cake: Eating crap with these sacks of shit. If they died tomorrow no one would shed a tear
  • Photo of head table during dinner: Slapping down some pig shit with these fat fucks and I’m the fattest of them all. If I died tomorrow no one would shed a tear. Load my freakin’ lard carcass into the mud. No coffin please, just wet, wet mud. #bae
  • Selfie with friends & drinks: Gulping down some pig dicks with these bags of meat. Wedding Day with these pig dicks. Hope nobody gulps us.
  • Photo of champagne toast: Slurping down fish piss with these wet chodes. Total tuna cans. Put a bullet in their fucking brains and leave their wet bodies on the side of the road. Boo caught me sleeping!
  • Bride with Best Man & MOH: Sitting here with two bonafide pieces of hog shit. They’re mad cause I won best hog at the hog shit snarfing contest. But I’m not mad because we’re all loads of beef sitting on the side of a highway getting our butts sucked by flies.

Bridal shower

• We eat the gift receipts
• ”Christmas came early!” in response to the best gift
• We try to raffle off Stanzos fedoras and 1000 plastic meatballs but nobody takes them

Attire

• Fedora with safari flaps for groom
• Brooks Brothers shirts for groomsmen
• Angels & Archways merch

Ceremony

• Walk down the aisle to “The Day That Robert Palins Murdered Me”
• Ring bearer & flower girl are babies of the year

Cocktail hour

• Appetizers
  • Nachos, but there’s a rule you can’t eat all the nachos with the most stuff on them
  • Poppers

Reception

• Walk-in music is the ITYSL transition theme
• Adults only. We can say whatever the hell we want
• Ask everyone about their babysitter situation & catch someone in an elaborate lie
• Groomsman ends his speech with a toast: To friends & friendship and tradition. Maybe.”
• Stanzos fedoras and 1000 plastic meatballs as party favors
• Instead of a limo there’s a hotdog car