To my boss:

• That is NOT how you spell ”Wednesday.”
• The plural of ”knife” is KNIVES.
• Stop fucking up my marquis letters and learn your damn alphabet.
• I cannot will this burger to cook any faster. I'm not a meat magician.
• STOP STEALING MY HOT DOGS.
• Marking me down to work until ”?” is NOT OKAY.
• Bring me more ice cream and stop yelling at me.
• Stop comparing me to the mentally handicapped girl.
• If you ever make me work on hot dog day again, I'm quitting.
• Why don't you make me pizza anymore?
• I don't care if you're the boss. You make mistakes and that shit is your fault.
• You look like a fucking koala.

To the customers:

• The straws and ketchup are RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
• The garbage can is right there. Stop leaving your shit on the table.
• I am not a waitress. Pick up your food where it says ”PICK UP HERE.”
• Why the fuck would you throw away the basket?
• Ordering 15 hot dogs at once is NOT okay.
• We close in five minutes. Get out.
• If I tell you to have a nice day, say it back or I will make sure you don't have a nice day.
• The list of specials is right in front of you. Stop asking.
• I do not know how many fries are in an order. Go count and let me know.
• What do I recommend? Well, seeing how this is a beef place, I highly recommend the cod.
• Go ahead. Ask me for an Eye-talian beef or sahsage one more time. See what happens.
• No, we will not drive ten miles to deliver ONE fucking sandwich, you lazy twat.
• I know you're there. I know you know I'm there. Stop ringing the bell when I am very clearly handling A DANGEROUSLY LARGE AND HOT PAN OF BEEF.