JANUARY; i want to make a new year's prayer, not a resolution. i'm praying for courage.

• ◪ cleaning room
• ◪ planning

total: 50%

—— j o u r n a l

• 01. ✧ nine almost died from alcohol excess, why is he like this. woke up shamefully late. quiet day. digital cleaning. binge-watching YT videos.
• 02. ✧ waking up late 2.0 + feeling this sort of mental fogginess. awful internet. reading houseki no kuni. more digital cleaning (as if i have another option with this damn internet—)
• 03. ✧ finally caught up w/ hnk & i must say... what the fuck. i did almost nothing else today, lol. shame. at least i took a bath.
• 04. ✧ internet's still awful. backing up files from my old HDD... and that's it.
• 05. ✧ had a call with nine on discord. we played solving crimes from a book he (his brother, actually) received for christmas. the internet betrayed me & the call didn't last long.
• 06. ✧ received some money for three kings day! we had cookies & rompope.
• 07. ✧ slept at 3 a.m. this is my friendly reminder to NOT drink coffee before bed. started watching ynn s2 & ura sekai picnic.
• 08. ✧ just... watched anime today. info about uni re-registrations is up. ugh.
• 09. ✧ chinese food, again. i feel like i'll have a heart attack anytime soon. more anime because i have an exciting life & also, it's quarantine.
• 10. ✧ journaled a bit. finally got around to watch the social dilemma and oof.
• 11. ✧ FINALLY i got up early... freaking out because my cat is horny & she was meowing really hard. i feel like classes are around the corner and that stresses me out. i need a plan NOW.
• 12. ✧ 7:00 a.m. & it's already a bad day. slept 3 hours. kesha is still horny & loud. why am i the only one who cares. thinking if the rest of my life is going to feel like a general distaste for life & barely having enough money for basic needs. feeling hopeless. cried. internet sucks (again) & it was extremely difficult to watch the wan! episode but so, so worth it. highlight of the day: chuuhuahua.
• 13. ✧ i just want to make a change. i just wanna change, i just wanna change, i just wanna change. having no internet forced me to do some introspection & actually work on my intentions for this year, which is good.
• 14. ✧ nothing remarkable. spent almost all day searching for new music on spotify.
• 15. ✧ same as yesterday, lol.
• 16. ✧ finally went to the doc, it was like 15 min. of actual consultation and half an hour of him and my mom talking about shady things in the medical field, lmao.
• 17. ✧ woke up, felt sad, wasted time. making playlists on spotify, still. nothing new.
• 18. ✧ i haven't been able to remember my dreams these days, huh. was anybody going to tell me that wonder egg priority is really good or was i just supposed to find it out by watching it myself?
• 19. ✧ me: *complains about not being able to remember my dreams* // me that night: *has a dream i'd rather not remember*. added the book tumblr recs to my list. started a new seasonal anime.
• 20. ✧ watched YT videos. did some more introspection about my goals for the year.
• 21. ✧ blood test went well! that chemist was really sweet and had a comforting aura. still arranging playlists but the good news is that the majority of them are almost done.
• 22. ✧ little car ride with uncle & grandma. wanting to learn how to drive, again. if only i could be more independent. mom pulled kesha out from the living, i need to take her to the vet soon. feeling lost & scared, again. if only i could be braver. setting up a notion.
• 23. ✧ still setting up my notion. gave up in trying to make it aesthetic™, i just want it to be functional.
• 24. ✧ i think i don't want to listen to any family member talk for more than 5 minutes ever again. started watching SK∞ and god, that anime is freaking amazing. seriously, what is it with sport animes that make you feel alive??
• 25. ✧ more notion. spotify. kesha. preparing for the semester. i'm scared.
• 26. ✧ call with nine again! this time the internet worked well. we solved like four crimes? the bsd wan chapter gave me enough serotonin to keep me going through the week.
• 27 & 28. ✧ same as always.
• 29. ✧ call with pina! we talked about... the same things. but it was fun.
• 30. ✧ youtube. notes. how fast everything SK∞ got kinda dark. death to adam!
• 31. ✧ last day of the trial month, huh. planning a workout routine.