Monica: What happened here? Chandler: Well, Joey was born. And 28 years later, I was robbed!

Ross: Hey! So, uh, what did the insurance company say? Chandler: Oh, they said... uh "You don't have insurance here, so stop calling us."

Rachel: They really got you guys! The TV, the stereo... Phoebe: The microwave, the chairs... Joey: Aww man, he took the five of spades! Oh, no here it is.

Phoebe: Ross, how many parents have you ever lost? Ross: None. Phoebe: Then you don't know what it feels like when one of them comes back.

Joanna: Wait, what are you doing? Chandler: Getting dressed. Joanna: Why? Chandler: Well, when I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.

Phoebe:If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Phoebe: Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches.