This book is absolutely hilarious. Also, can John Green see into my brain, or...

• Tiny Cooper is not the world's gayest person, and he is not the world's largest person, but I believe he may be the world's largest person who is really, really gay, and also the world's gayest person who is really, really large.
• Tiny thinks I am incapable of what humans call emotion because I have not cried since my seventh birthday. [...] I don't really understand the point of crying. Also, I feel that crying is almost--like, aside from deaths of relatives or whatever--totally avoidable if you follow two very simple rules: 1. Don't care too much. 2. Shut up. Everything unfortunate that has ever happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the rules.
• Now, I am not generally given over to excitement, but Neutral Milk Hotel sort of changed my life. They released this absolutely fantastic album called In The Aeroplane Over The Sea in 1998 and haven't been heard from since, purportedly because their lead singer lives in a cave in New Zealand. But anyway, he's a genius.
  • !!!!!!
• Tiny takes a shot, grimaces, and exhales. "Tastes like Satan's fire cock," Tiny says, and then pushes another shot in my direction. "Sounds delightful," I say, "but I'll pass."
• Her whole face changes when she smiles--this eyebrow-lifting, perfect-teeth-showing, eye-crinkling smile I've either never seen or never noticed.
• "You have more favorite bands than Tiny has ex-boyfriends." "Yeah, well. Some people have lives; some people have music."
• You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot.
• The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end.
• Tiny doesn't just sing these words--he belts them. It's like a parade coming out of his mouth. I have no doubt the words travel over Lake Michigan to most of Canada and on to the North Pole. The farmers of Saskatchewan are crying. Santa is turning to Mrs. Claus and saying, "What the fuck is that?"
• The rarity of the situation is the kind of thing that makes you cry.
• I just want to be myself, and I want to be with someone who's just himself. That's all. I want to see through all the performance and all the pretending and get right to the truth.