• what i think about everyday, is you.

everyday, every time i think about you. sometimes i'm luck and able to catch your hour, so i smile and think about you. but sometimes i just i'm lucky to relate something to you. everything that has you makes me smile, i feel the need to share. ♡

• day 1: when i woke up today.

even before waking up, i couldn't remember what happened. i've always been a dreaming person and today i could feel like my life has turned upside down. it might be really stupid to say (or to think), but i'm really thankful for you being always there; even in my dreams.

• day 2: what i feel...

today - actually yesterday, since i'm writing this kinda late - i finally got my gift from tae. she surprised me so much giving a huge photo of you from 150920 all force one. probably one of my favorite days to this date. i could remember what i felt when you started getting to my heart, it's nearly 2 years now, only a month and 20 days to come. my smile got bigger because of my best memories, the ones where i feel for you.

• day 3: hearing you.

once again, i'm writing super late but yeah. yesterday i was thinkg so much about you, i was thinking about how much i love hearing our voice, how much i miss your voice sometimes. it might be my fault, since i choose to not listen to you everytime, but yesterday was different. yesterday something new came up to my mind. i love hearing yo, hoseok. my best attribute is my amazing ears, i love to figure the new tomes of your voice and see where you're doing your weird sounds. but i want more, i want to her you, hear what's inside you.

• day 4: her.

i kinda had this idea for a project for you. i thought about it yesterday and i was so sensitive about it... i hope it turns out well, i hope i can make the best birthday git i'll ever be able to make. i'm so happy i could find my guts to think about something because these last days were really hard. i'm thankful for you always being there in your way, inspiring me.

• day 5: free time.

again, i'm here writing late. i'm sorry i think i'll push myself to finaly be able to write on time. you can punch me if i keep doing these things late. but, yeah, about yesterday i kinda took my day off because i needed to relax, stop thinking about merch and things to do. it has been a while since i've been feeling like this, pressed and everything. i'm so thankful because i noted how i need you, how much i always will need you in the last days. i needed to remember everything and how every time i think about you good things happen. it was such a nice and relaxing day, i was even able to get something yours~

• day 6: my castle.

i wrote everything yesterday. you probably already know... i don't wanna make myself long again, but i'm so thankful for you. i'll do everything i made again, i'll rebuild our safe place. my little and cute castle of love.

• day 7: daydream.

i woke up seeing some news today, i tend to notice everything when it comes to watching something that you take part. however, this time, i couldn't; since it was something live nd i wasn't that motivated to watch everything again. i saw someone posting about your mixtape. i can say, finally some good news? probably matching the day before that i felt like everything would go down if i didn't make anything properly and quickly. i'm so excited and poing it's true. that's true this is coming soon. i can feel, i can feel mu pulse race, i can feel how i'll be when it's really announced. and now i'm the happiest because i know that not only it's really real and it's so near. almost coming. i can't wait for you. can't stop thinking about how it's gonna be. my expectations - even if sometimes i don't like them - are only for good and great things. i'm even happier because i'll finally be able to truly hear you. hope it doesn't take that longer, but i'll be always here waiting.

• day 8: smile.

i got in love with one of your photos that i saw yesterday. i got really happy because of it too!! i was so natural and beautiful. i wonder how some people have the audacity to say that you look fake and other worst things. your smile is not only the purest thing in the world, but also the most beautiful one. your soul is so real, i wonder if these people are blind like that by their wants or if they're jealous of your ability to make everything better. i'll never know... i'm just so glad that i got lucky enough to meet you. the real you, and stop believing in everything that people said... these people that never try to know you, because if they did i'm sure they would love you. Mostly your amazing smile.

• day 9: happiness.

maybe many good things are happening because i got up with life again, but even if you don't have anything to do with it i'm always gonna be here thanking you. because, it doesn't matter what it is, you'll be always part of my daily happiness. yestarday i was really anxious because you were going to the u.s. again and guess what? you didn't even stepped on american territory and you're already with your jay mode on. i got so sensible yesterday because of you, seeing your things, remembering of you, hearing your voice that i couldn't stop the happiness that was filling me up.

• day 10: welcome.

yay! bts arrived to the u.s.!! i've seen so many videos already and i need to get used to it again because when you guys are in the u.s. things always go crazy and insane, it's not even funny?? i mean i get so lost because i'm not used to not know how to date your interviews and appointments. even seeing the schedule thing, everything stills so confusing to me. at least, i'm happy you arrived safely; angry because jay is back to hunt my life again; and excited for everything that will be happening in the u.s.; i'm also proud of you, proud of your doings, proud of your smile and waiting for you.

• day 11: what are you even?

something i ask myself everyday. your pictures from the u.s. mini concert were probably the best i've ever seen. i'm not kidding, i could feel how confident and happy you were from here, even by photos and short videos. i love seeing your performances, i love how you're always bright and happy and all. i mean like ALL AROUND. it's impressive and admiring, to feel you every time when you're on the stage. what is this even?

• day 12: project on!

today i'll start my project for you. tomorrow it'll be the 18th there and 3 months before you birthday. from december to february i'll be doing stuffs related to you. i hope you'll like it~

• day 13: live.

i saw your vlive (or a tiny part of it) yesterday before i went to sleep. i tried to see it entirely but my mom wanted to watch a film on the living room tv so i wasn't able to finish. but, yet, i got so proud of you. i could see you there, finally making your solo live, talking with armys, being able to speak your mind out loud. being able to see you talk about random stuff, you being yourself and telling us things that you find nice or important. i hope u'm able to see more of this in the future.

• day 14: u.s.

i felt the needed to talk about a picture of you that jungkook posted yesterday. i've been using the same homescreen for like 6 months and i thought i'd never feel the needed to change it because it was one of my favorite pics of all time. however, yesterday this photo was looking so nice and bright. i don't know why but i can always feel the best of you when you're outside korea. i don't mean that there you're less happy or worst; what i mean is that in each country you have your own way of doings. Your way of acting and showing yourself, your own color. that's such a unique characteristic. i love your u.s. color, it's probably one of the most bright and beautiful ones. it always impresses me the most not only for your looking but for your ways.

• day 15: amas.

oh yeah! the amas were yesterday. it was such a pain waiting for it until almost 2am here in brazil, but it was worth it. i'm proud of you guys, but mostly i'm proud of you. the u.s. gave to you such a shine and attention that you never had. all the promotions and people who always were there cheering you up for your dance. i don't know but i felt so happy because of this, it was the first time and everything was centering to you. it might be my biased mind talking but all of this felt so good i can't describe a better emotion to see you there having the attentions you really deserve. you deserve that~

• day 16: you.

everyday i can feel more connected to you. i don't know if it's because good days and good things are coming, but i really enjoy this sensation. it's unique and refreshing, makes me want to do more things, makes me feel really happy and all the joy. today might not have anything that different, but besides, i'm here again and always thanking for everything.

• day 17: already.

it's already so near but still so far. i don't know, but it has been already 17 days i've been writing here. i feel like it's oing so fast and i still need to do many more stuffs. i hope everything ends up well~

• day 18: japanese stuff.

oh yeah another day!! i got so happy today because my friend will be able to get some japanese goodies for me. even though i have like zero money to pay for everything i'm still so happy i'll be able to get it. you're looking so cute these days, my heart is fluttering so much i'm not being able to contain my feelings of love for you. the goodies looks so cute i want all of them ):

• day 19: pride.

oh gosh yesterday i cried a river and a ocean because of you. i'm feeling so sensitive these days and i'm not kidding on this one. yesterday it was insane because i cried just for looking at your name and seeing "pride" in the same sentence. i'm proud of myself today, and mostly, i'm proud of you. i wish you could be proud of you like me. you're amazing and so talented, your heart is so big you always care about everyone and everything. care about what they think and you judge yourself because of that, don't you? you shouldn't tho. you're amazing the way you are, an incredible being and i'm gonna always be here making you sure of that, okay? my main pride boy.

• day 20: the last.

yesterday i was talking to my friend, she actually mentioned that you took part in the ad-libs for the last. i've already figured that since you took part in many songs of yoongi's mixtape. i was just so shocked that there were credits for you because there isn't — most of the tines. i went and listened to this song again because i wanted to make sure your ad-libs were present in the parts i thiught they were. and, yes, again i got so happy for noticing sonething with such a nice meaning. i wish you would mention more your own doings. your voice is amazing, you make songs shines as their own way because of your unique and beautiful voice. it doesn't matter what song it is, you can always make it better with the tiniest things. and i love that so much.

• day 21: changing.

i finally changed my room. actually i didn't finish changing, but i put a lot of things on their right places or the best places... i still need to re-order a lot of stuff, but i'm liking the way it's now. it's cool and somewhat color organized. and the best thing is that you have your own space there, a big and only yours. my angel.

• day 22: my room.

my room looks so cute i wish you could see it aaaaaa i loved organizing it so much it meant a lot to me being able to put on display many of your stuff and other bts and non bts stuff. it's really the way i wanted it to be i'm so glad i was able to make this work. one day when i get more stuff it'll be more and more beautiful. i'm sure about that.

• day 23: connection.

i felt so connected to you. i feel it everyday, but today i'm feeling even more. maybe because i got all my things up with my mom. but it's not only that. i feel more free these days because because everything i wanted happened really well. let's see if i can keep my luck for a while. always thanking to you.

• day 24: my love for you.

yesterday i was watching some bts mvs and i took my time to pay attention to it. i normally wouldn't make myself so long, but, god, you are always so beautiful i wonder how i haven't noticed you since the beginning. you shine brighter than the sun even there and each time it looks like it's something new and different. each time i can feel my heart screaming for more and more love for you.

• day 25: perfect.

i woke up feeling proud of you, once again. i saw a video today of you getting a part of go go wrong, but i do want you to feel bad for that, okay? humana can get things wrong. you always try your best and that's the main reason why i'm proud of you. the main reason why i started to love you, because you always made things seem perfect even when they are or can be wrong. you have the gift to make everything well and i admire you for that.

• day 26: performance.

today i woke up kinda annoyed by a lot of stuff. i hope you don't mind if i don't make myself as long as i usually do. i saw a tiny part of your performance on mama today and i got happier for that. i finally got some time to see everything (or almost) i missed in these last days and seeing you performing again as your too position after such a long time — more than a week —, made me the happiest.

• day 27: match. duality.

today i'm going to talk about two things, i got really inspired so nothing better than using my inspiration for you. today is the 27th day out of the 100 ones that i chose to write for you. also today is missing 27 days for my main day with you. such a luck time i see... one other thing is your incredible duality. i haven't seen the whole mama performance yesterday, but i saw many videos and pictures. i loved all of them. most of the photos made me laugh — some choke — because it's so frustrating how much you changed when you're on stage. it's insane. i love and hate it at the same time.

• day 28: i like you.

this may seem really cheese, but these last days i noticed how much i love you. how much your love means to me and how it's good to me. compared to everything else, i've always seem love as something that hurts too much. i didn't like the feeling, i saw that as something bad. but loving you is different, loving you makes everything better. loving you makes me happier and wanting to live more. i'm thankful for loving you with all my heart.

• day 29: handsome.

oh god, i woke up today almost dying after seeing the merch for the wings tour final. i never get really excited to get merch like this because i usually don't find them as beautiful as i should. the thing is: this time i couldn't stop myself. you looked so amazing in the premium photo that i'm wondering what happened to you. you always were one of the most handsome guys i've ever liked, such nice features and everything, but i'm getting headaches nowadays, because i can't mesuare your beauty anymore. it overlapped so much. i think love is turning into something so big that eveything that has you i want it to myself. i wanna show people how beautiful you're and show all the love to you.

• day 30: coming.

it's coming, it's so near and i haven't finished my things yet. not even for the 1 verse day. i believe i can do and finish everything on time if i keep trusting you. i had some alternative ideas and i think these ones are cooler. do you believe me? i hope you. i want to make you the best birthday present in existence.

• day 31: crystal snow.

the japanese album came out today. i didn't hear it when it came out because i wasn't at home. but right after i got home i heard the songs. mic drop wasn't really my type, but i still love the song since i like the korean and the "english" ones. crystal snow really impressed me. i wasn't expecting to like it the much i did, but look i got really happy to hear you singing again. i need to hear it more times until i get used to it. but still, the song made me feel many good things.

• day 32: that gift.

i want to mention what it is, but the name will be really long and that would ruin the surprise. i'm making my thoughts about this specific gift. i think i have the right plan in mind and that i'll be able to do what i want. i hope it works just fine, because it's something not only special to me but also to you. i know this day has a special place in your heart and it has on mine too.

• day 33: final.

today was the first day of the wings tour final. i didn't expected many things that happened to really happen. i'm happy for you, for everything that happened. for everything that we passed until this time, until this end. i feel happy for the new start, for the new era. i also feel sad for the end of one of my favorite moments, however i won't feel sad for longer. i know things like this are meant to happened and i'm glad it happened. my first moment with you has come to an end, but we will have other great ones, right?

• day 34: neck?

i don't know why but i woke up thinking about your neck, but not only it, also how beautiful it is and well drawn. it shines so much more when the sweat is going through it. i know, this can sound really weird — and it sounds to me — but it's so beautiful. i couldn't stop myself from appreciating it since i laid my eyes on your pics today.

• day 35: your voice.

i finally heard the mma stage. i tried to focus on everything but its impossible for a first time. i was so happy because i was able to hear you singing at your best. hearing you never walk alone for the first time was such a nice experience to me. your singing improved a lot from the start of the year until today. today i can feel that you're more confident on your singing and that you trained a lot for that. i feel so proud and happy because since day 1 with you, and seeing how much you changed from then to now. i can't state my feelings in little words. the main thing is: i feel that every time i hear your voice i want to cry because it's the thing i like the most in this world.

• day 36: more details.

these days i started feeling you more and more. this may sound strange, but when i say that i mean like paying more attention to you. i like when this season comes because i focus less on the stressing stuff like getting bts merch and all my heart and mind can see is you. yourself, your details, what you do. since friday i got a routine to look at your pictures right after i wake up, to admire your lines. yesterday i got in love with a picture just like what happened with other one last year. this one is from the wings tour final. i don't know how you can have this power on me, but some days ago i was so annoyed because of your red hair and now i think red is the most beautiful color on you and the one that suits you the best. i couldn't bring myself to stop looking at that picture, it wasn't something from this world. you were shining so much.

• day 37: leader.

i read a comment to an article that this random person talked about how you would fit the best to be bts' leader if namjoon wasn't. i remember reading something like this some days ago, however i didn't see where the thing came from. i couldn't agree more with the comment, actually seeing soneone saying something like this made me the happiest because people are noticing your skills, your genuine way of doing things. i love all of this, it made me even prouder of you.

• day 38: remember.

today i'm kinda late, i'm sorry. i also don't have that many things to say. today is the day before i met you, like for the real time. two years ago. i spent my day remembering the things before i met you, recalling how i felt about bts and who i liked before you. i'm glad i had the luck to meet you.

• day 39: 141215.

today it marks two years i met you. two years i've heard you for the first time. two years i saw you for the first time. two years of the start of our golden time together. two years that my unlimited happiness started. two years that my world became the most colorful one. two years of everything. today is a special and unique date. the day i stopped thinking the sun was something bad and stopped hating on him. the day i truly opened my eyes. it was my week, our end of year, our honeymoon-ish. the date i found myself again, thank you hobi.

• day 40: i hope it works.

i've been fighting with my laptop since the morning. it has been stressing me out the most. i have so many things to do, but i can't really concentrate because i keep focusing on this stupid laptop. i want to make things work better, not only for me, but also for you. my gift to you, all my gifts to you. i hope my laptop listens to me — as an update, he's listening a lot better now.

• day 41: dreaming.

i dreamed about you. when i woke up i couldn't remember exact what it was, but i'm sure i dreamed about you. i could feel when i looked at you. i kinda missed dreaming about you, i'm still looking at your pictures everyday, however i can feel that's not even close to be enough, you know? i want more. i want to remember, i want to be able to tell and feel. i love dreaming and dreaming about you makes me happier.

• day 42: that feeling.

today i woke up with some weird feeling. i don't know if it's related to you or not, but i can't think of anything else expect this. my mind is almost going blank, i hope it turns out to be something unexpectedly good, but i can't describe this feeling properly. just hoping for the best here and cheering for you today.

• day 43: .

it turns out that feeling wasn't something good. a really bad and sad thing happened today. i don't think i'll be able to say anything except this. i hope you don't blame me for this, i'll make it up one day.

• day 44: these feelings.

i kinda hate these feelings. i always think about bad things and they actually happened. yesterday someone i thought about just the night before passed away. i know it wasn't my fault, but i kinda predicted it. see... again this thing happening with me. i'm really scared hoseok, i'm scared someday i'll think of this again and it'll be related to you. i know you're stronger than that, i hope you got stronger than that.

• day 45: break.

yesterday i talked about the... things. of the last days with my friends. i spoke my mind about bangtan and about you. about taehyung too. these days, i just wanna protect you both from everything and everyone else.

• day 46: holidays.

so school ended a time ago, but yesterday was my last day of class for real. i won't be returning to my extra classes for next year, so this is a early goodbye. for two years i've been doing this and now not only i don't feel that much into it anymore and the things they're telling us now is related to my college, i don't like seeing things from my college, it only makes me feel worst. i hope this free time will be enjoyable, i hope i can destress my mind and find myself again for these days. for you.

• day 47: 1 verse.

happy two years of 1 verse!! even though this song isn't really your true self, it's something i cherish so much beacuse you did it by yourself, it was you first own doing and alone. i was the proudest when it came out and i didn't even liked you that much that time, i was starting to find out about you and this song helped me so much. i'll be always thankful for it.

• day 48: coming.

yesterday was two years of one verse. in the next 5 days is our day of two years and in two months is your birthday. i can feel everyhing i expected it would take ages to come is just so near. i feel like i can't breath, i can feel everything i've antecipating... what will i do when your birthday arrive? what it will be of myself when my special thread of songs to you ends?

• day 49: i tried.

so my vacation time finally arrived completely, but still i can't stay on twitter for shit. i tried tweeting and everything, but it's so different, my can't make myself there anymore. it feels weird for me and i wish it wasn't like that. i want to spend more time with my friends there, they always made me happier, but now i'm still struggling with this horrible feeling since november. when will it end?

• day 50: christmas.

yoo, merry christmas. i have nothing new to say, just that i'm really excited because 3 days for our 2 years. today i watched the gayo daejeon there were some funny and good parts, but i feel so tired. i really need to sleep for the rest of the day. hoep you're enjoying your christmas day more than i'm.

• day 51: eyes, eyes, eyes.

yesterday. oh my gosh, yesterday. i truly went crazy, but today something changed for me because for yesterday. at night, before i went to sleep i saw some of your photos and i was so touched by them. i couldn't even speak proerply because your. eyes. were the only thing i could see, your freaking eyes. they're so shining, they always were, but your lens and your red hair plus your shining eyes. this is such a great and dangerous combination at the same time. i couldn't resist and now every time, everything i see is your beautiful eyes.

• day 52: tomorrow.

our special date is tomorrow. i'm really excited. i needed this after all this time feeling like shit and trash. i needed a day to be the happiest, to share the joy you always gave me with you. a day to make you feel better in my special way. a day onyl for us. i can't even wait, even though is just this near.

• day 53: two years.

today is our two years, i kinda prepared something special, but i don't know if it was that great. also, today with your gift i started my plan for you birthday. the her thing. i won't be able to do it the way i wanted, but i'm happy i'll be able to at least show it. today is our day to joy, i hope you can feel all my great emotions to you today. i hope you smile a lot today, for you, for us.

• day 54: one more.

again i'm here at morning almost with zero sleep because i wanted to watch these end of year shows that korea has. today's one really looked like people were having concerts there. they're so different from last years'. i expected something more, i expected seeing you dancing there, having your shining time, but mic drop made it up somehow for me. it's still something that kinda makes me happier.

• day 55: ended.

so, today is almost the last day of the year. i'm thinking of everything that happened until now. thinking how much i changed this year, how things almost destroyed me, how i almost destroyed you. i feel like if i don't change for 2018 something worst can happen, but i'm trying. you know i'm trying, right?

• day 56: last.

today is the last day of 2017. i never thought i would see this year end. i actually never thought i would see this year begin, but unexpected things can happen right? i hope 2018 turns out as unexpected as 2017 was. i hope many good things happen in 2018. for this last day of the year i wanna be happy seeing you, i just saw you today, saw you going through the new year in korea and i will see you today again for the new year in the u.s.2017 ended but i never forgot your promise. i know you still have a lot to work, you know i trust you and i'll always be here waiting for you. 2018 will be your year, i can feel it with all my heart.

• day 57: new year.

happy new year hobi! i tried the best to have a good day, but i'm truly giving up, yesterday i had the unpleasant feeling to see and hear a youtuber talk good things about bts' rapline and not even mention your name once. i couldn't get sadder, maybe people don't recognize you because you don't have a mixtape yet, but?? that's clearly not something to ignore you from everything. i'm still tried to make myself calmer, but it's really hard. i wish you could be here.

• day 58: something new?

oh yeah, there is something new. i never thought i'd be doing this again. last year elis and mikaella kept talking about this group called stray kids and every time i opened my dms to talk to them the only thing i could see was: stray kids. i felt the needed to get my head in something else for 2018 otherwise i'd go crazy with people all around the world. stray kids was really the answer. i hope you like jisung as much as i'm liking him, he's really just like you.

• day 59: connected.

yesterday i mentioned jisung reminded me of you. oh, he's just like you. i'm talking so much about him and it's just day 3, i hope you don't get angry at me, i really hope you two turn out okay together, because he's truly helping me out and making me feel better to see you again. is this some type of connection?

• day 60: how much i love you?

since that day when i looked at your eyes and everything about you changed to me i can't look at you properly anymore. it's such a weird feeling but everyday i'm waking up and going insane because i need to at least see one of your photos that are in my phone for at least 5 minutes. otherwise, i won't feel good for the rest of the day. what have you done with me, hoseok?

• day 61: i'm going insane.

i feel live i've done so many mistakes and one of them is not preparing my things to you properly. gosh, my songs thread became a mess and everytime i try to get things right i don't retake the notes and it confuses me again. i hope until the last day nothing really weird happens.

• day 62: me, he and you.

it has been like five days... since i met jisung. i hate saying this but probably the best thing for the year of 2018? except for your mixtape, obviously, but that i don't even need to mention. i was having such a hard time before and i was truly afraid of losing you all the moment. i was scared of my head and he came up to change somethings, he is our third hand, literally. i can't wait until you appear again to see if you're going to accept him as 100% because i don't know if i'll be able to drop something so good and so amazing for us.

• day 63: mixtape.

stray kids debut - later i figured it was a pre-debut thing - is that soon. i'm feeling you'll come to hunt my ass because i can't stop talking about them and i know you've been waiting until THE specific day. but for now i'm really excited for this, not seeing many things from you, probably because you're resting, i hope.

• day 64: soon.

oh god, you almost killed me. ok i just woke up and the first thing i saw was your fancafe post "soon. really soon!". i felt you meant it about the mixtape, am i right? i hope i'm. got really excited because of it, oh gosh i can't wait anymore.

• day 65: sleep.

oh yeah this again. the zero hours of sleep start again, what can i do when the only thing i think about is your mixtape? i feel like july, 2017 is coming back again. i don't want to get so excited for one day again because i can be not true and i'll feel disappointed, i can't loose what i built for this year, to be stronger this year.

• day 66: expectations.

two days since you droped that bomb on the fancafe and now me - and everyone else on twitter - can only think that your mixtape will come out on the muster. i hope it does, i hope you release it right after the muster, it will be really amazing, armys having a surprise from you and it's something i can actually see happening, doesn't look that weird.

• day 67: wishful thinking.

since the day said that thing... that took all my work of sleep, i've been thinking about how i can call people's attention to your mixtape, because they're hyped, i know, but they're not hyped as they should. i don't want things to turn badly like some happened when yoongi's mixtape came out, but also i don't know how to do that. i shared my wishful thinking and feelings on jharchives, they agreed with me about doing a thread. so that's gonna be it.

• day 68: despair.

i cried today. i'm truly anxious. i know i'm probably overreaction and worst things can happen because i'm overreacting, but here i'm again creating hope. this time i'm more confident than the last ones, because you talked about this last week, however, i feel like it's just one more of these things that people say too much and it gets insanely hard into my head. hoseok i really think i need help, i'll be focusing a bit on jisung for today, otherwise my head will explode.

• day 69: muster.

today is muster day. people are thinking you're going to show us your mixtape for the first time at the muster and i'm really hoping this turns out to be truth. i'd love to see you showing everyone your talents before just releasing it to the public. i really can't wait, i'll be watching it the way i can.

• day 70: keep.

today is muster second day. nothing happened yesterday but i didn't get sad. i wanted to not get sad. i actually did. i cried a bit at my bed and my mom almost mocked me because of that. i'm trying really hard to stay happy for you. i don't wanna press you anymore, i hate making these expectations because i know how hard this is for you too. i hope you never forget that i'll always be here supporting and waiting for you.

• day 71: twice.

once again i'm here, calmer. i got myself so more sleep and stopped thinking so much about this, even though it is the only thing the goes in my mind every day, every time. i fell for it once, i fell for it twice. there will be a third time i'm sure, but this is because i'll always be here beleving and waiting. i don't want you to feel pressed by or by anyone. go on your own time.

• day 72: go back.

not only i'm calmer now but also happier. i don't mean by a lot, but i'm happier. you guys still have things to do after the muster, somethings are even on this week, but i don't feel in the best condition no watch anything, i just need to sleep and go back to the times before that scary announcement. i'll be back just fine again, you're always here beside me. when i'm seeing your photos right after i wake up or before i go to sleep.

• day 73: this song.

once again i'm here to talk about jisung and you. this time i wanna mention 3racha's song: guksan banana (what translates to domestic banana, but let's not talk about this). something that always bring me joy is when i remember of you, things that i relate to you, that remind me of you. it doesn't matter how. and in this song, jisung's part is clearly something you would sing. it became my favorite 3rach song in seconds just because of this. i can't help but be the happiest my reminding of you with him. you two truly bring my best feelings out.

• day 74: one month.

now it's only one month until your birthday. i feel like i didn't do anything i have planned, but still, i know everything is going to work. when it's related to you, everything works just fine. i won't make myself long for this, but i hope you like my surprise as much as i'm liking it~

• day 75: superstar.

probably the thing that relax me the most, even though it's a stupid addiction. i was so mad beucase i wasn't able to get almost none of your cards. it may be only bad luck or something else. i hope it's just bad lucky because not only you hate me in real life but also in a game. just kidding. but, for real, superstabr bts is driving me insane at the same time ias it's helping me.

• day 76: warning.

today i dreamt about you. it was really weird, i felt like it was jisung's fault but i dreamed about you. you were there and it was so great just seeing you again in my dreams. even after more than 2 years this is still a rare event. a unique one. i hope you can appear even more times since your birthday is really near now. only 4 weeks to come.

• day 77: not today.

nothing for today. no dreams or seeing you. i hoped i'd be blessed by dreaming about you and seeing you for the rest of the week but it seems that this won't happen. at least i was glad and happy yesterday. and today, because i kept thinking about you.

• day 78: second warning.

i dreamt about you again. this time it was your eyes, your beautiful and shining eyes that were there for me. and there were two of you. it was even more weird than the first time, but i'm glad you're here again. i feel like these two times i dreamed about you can mean something, can't them? i'll try to connect my feelings and see where i can get.

• day 80: just.

maybe my mind was really playing some game. i can feel something will happen and it will be related to these dreams. only these two days and nothing else. i always say i don't like theses feelings i have because they usually turn out to be bad, but this time i'm antecipating something good.

• day 81: mang.

i keep thinking about mang. i keep thinking about how much i was my cute and tiny horse as a standing doll and as a fluffy pillow. why is it so hard? but i'm not rushing, i can wait. is just that i saw lorrany's photo of shooky and i was so happy for her because that thing is so cute and i want one too, one of my cute and tiny horse. why did you do such a beautiful creature with such an amazing meaning? you never stop to make me impressed. i can't hold this anymore, is too much.

• day 82: not that.

lately i've been feeling not in the mood to buy stuff. i mean bts stuff, from the last times that it was so hard to get items - like for wings tour final, that everythings costs a freaking lot. i feel like i should be attentive to more groups, i love so many groups and i wish i could collect all of them. i started with gfriend and i don't intend to stop, keep spending my money with eunha photocards, i hope she's happy. also this time thing will make me feel better, i've been thinking about it and what has gotten to me that made me that tired was all of this. buying, buying and buying. when it's something i really want because it's for you i feel joy, but somethings now seem like a obligation. i hope this time thing makes me feel better.

• day 83: but this.

yesterday i mentioned how bad i was feeling because of this constant buying and now angela is trying to drive me insane. she always sends broadcasts and butterfly dream photos. i want at least to buy your fire broadcast one day. and the butterfly dream photos that i've been always dreaming, the reason why i started collecting your things.

• day 84: another thread.

that thread i talked about for jharchives. i said i'd delay it because i didn't know how to do it yet, but now i know. i will wait until february 12th, which is the date bel gave me to post, since it would be one year of the account. i talked with vitoria today and i was so stressed, i'll make the best thread to date, for everyone to see and shot talking shit about you. you'll love it too, i'm sure.

• day 85: annoying.

what made me angry yesterday was what makes me angry everyday. i don't like these people - aka maknae line stans - that only mention you when they want that stupid buzz. oh, and for now, since it's hixtape season, the buzz is INSANE. i don't like this i feel really annoyed and stressed, but i choose always not to care because it's for you. at least they're doing something for you.

• day 86: again.

again i'm here talking about jisung, but this time is something else. yesterday i heard almost all of 3racha's deleted tracks and all i can say is how much you two are similar. it even looks like you are the same person. the connections never spot and this feeling of speaking of one and thinking of the other never get out of my head. every time i hear jisung singing i can hear you too. i can feel you there with him and with me.

• day 87: can't stop relating.

all my points to 3racha and bts's rapline. how both of them worked so much. i feel like i relate all of you too much, but this bring me joy, happiness, like i'm living the best time of my live again, the day when i met you, i'm reacting to this again because of him and that goes back to you too. this makes me feel great to have you, to be with you. my best memories and pride.

• day 88: a month. two weeks.

so today marks a month that i met jisung, a month that he helped me with you. a month tha you two are making my mind calmer together, a month that you're not alone anymore. also, today is the beginning for february, which means two weeks fo you birthday. i can't even mention how excited i'm, i've prepared almost everything for your week. i hope everything turns out okay and nicely.

• day 89: shot.

yesterday elis almost killed me. yesterday was my first month with jisung and i was so happy you two are able to walk together, side by side inside of my heart. you are truly my two precious boys, i'll always cherish you both. but this isn't the point. i thought she was going to make me not talk about you for 5 days i felt like, what?? this is bullshit. luckily enough, she was only talking about jisung, but still... now i thought about not being about to talk about you for 5 days. this would be torture.

• day 90: hard times.

so... today it started that weird thing i mentioned. yesterday i posted a video for my one month with jisung and now i can't even look at the video anymore. also, i can't look at you for some reason? it reminds me of him. are you two that much connected already? i can't even be surprised with that. i tried relieving my stress because of it with you, but it turned so wrong. gosh, this is probably the hardest time i'll be going through for this year and it just started.

• day 91: giving up?

remember when i mentioned yesterday not being able to hold anymore not talking about jisung? yeah i figure it's because i already related you guys at a point that i connect everything. when i mention you i think about jisung and when i think about jisung i think about you. and that's how everything goes. i even dreamed about him today, and when i woke up i cried to you, can you remember? it's so annoying, i'm really desperated to give up.

• day 92: walking.

today i'll finally go out, after a long while only staying at home and doing nothing - actually preparing things for you. i don't even know if i'll be able to react like a commom person, that's how far from okay that i'm. i've play superstar bts so much that i don't think i can socialize ever again. well, this is just my exaggerated thinking, but today i'll see angela and she will finally give me my wings tour japan premium postcard. i'll need to redo my room to put it on a special place, but i can't wait to have it.

• day 93: a place for you.

oh yeah, yesterday i talked about getting your postcard, right? you have no idea how good my room is now. a place only for you, my one and only. and also, yesterday was so fun, i got to angela's place and we talked a lot, we went to eat and i was so relieved. it's good to go out sometimes and hangout with friends, friends that i can talk about you, can show all my love for you to them.

• day 94: free.

finally the end of that stupid thing elis wanted us to do. i felt really weird not being able to talk about jisung because when i mentioned you i wanted to mention him together too. that was something that already stuck in my head and it was so hard these days. even worst because of my layout. today i'm happy and relieved. i also went out yesterday, i saw emilly and we talked for a bit, she's kinda funny. the best part of yesterday truly was when i got lost in my own city, trying to find a subway.

• day 95: near.

so today i finally finished my plans for you week for jharchives. i hope i can do everything i want there, because it will be really nice and good interactions with everyone that follow the account. i'll be even more busy, but that's okay. i just want your day to be the funniest and the best.

• day 96: small things.

so many songs i relate to you. there's these two from 3racha i can't stop listening to them but they don't have a lyric released yet (actually one of them is a deleted track, so yep that will be hard). i wish one day i'll be able to see what they mean because even not know what truly is i have this good feeling i can relate them to you. listening to them always remind me of you and makes me happier.

• day 97: jimin.

jimin is so funny, isn't him? oh well and he's also your #1 stan - even before me. he made my day showing everyone that video of you singing the christmas song. even though it's something really known from the fandom (or actually a good part of it) it was still something new for everyone. i'm always glad for bangtan because they love and support you so much, truly our angels.

• day 98: your week.

your week starts today. i still have so much to do, i hope i'll be able to finish everything on time. i almost gave up on doing all the things i planned but then i remember it was you, it was for you. i can't gave up on you, even if the worst is happening, i'll be always thinking about you. i hope you'll like all my gifts to you. they aren't that big or that great but all of them were made with my pure heart.

• day 99: day 1.

oh, yesterday was the beginning of your week. i had my plans for jharchives and i kept them. i still need to post that thread i promised everyone. this is for today and i still have a lot to do. doing these things is making me happier, probably because they're things to you... right? but well, i'll be going for now, still need to work on that special thread.

• day 100: vocal color.

so i got to post that thread i was screaming about for a time and it turn out really well. some people talked thrash about it but i decided not to care, since i did it for people to see what i see about you. i did it for you, to people notice how much you grew since the beginning. i hate the buzz and how people always think everything related to you is because of this. the only thing that matters now is how proud i'm of you, how happy i'm to be able to share that because i even got to notice more things about you. now i'll be only waiting for your mixtape. to see all of your work and strenght put together.

• day 100 + 1: 2 days.

there's still two days until your birthday. my 100 days with you came to an ending. it was really funny and refreshing - sometimes it was a pain, i'll say - to share all my feelings writing for you, everyday. my expectations changed from the beginning and many different things happened in this period. i hope i'll be able to see many things for your birthday, i hope what everyone is expecting, your mixtape to come on your day, really happens. even if it doesn't, i don't care. i can wait two days or two hundred. i've been always waiting here and i'll always be.