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- do alters have to be very different from each other? no, some are very similar
- what kind of times Vinnie lives in? don’t tell her but she mixes times, she makes mistakes about that constantly but she’s definitely more into victorian times and 20s to 60s, not very much 70s and definitely not 80s + as those are my times and ager’s eventually, it’s normal for alters like in Unites States of Tara Buck thought he has no penis because he lost it at war, I believe Vinnie actually thinks she’s black and white or sepia like Al Capone in a Night at the museum 2 movie
- are favorite alter’s clothes mean they’re fronting? no, we share, we agree to wear smth they want and we switch without changing clothes through the day
- are all toys ager’s? no
- are all antiques Vinnie’s? no
- are all childish things a positive trigger for ager? no, just what reminds them of OUR childhood
- did you call your alters? no, they called themselves, elseway I would give them prettier names, Nat might be an exception, alters can change names
- in which language do you talk to your alters in? english, I suppose that’s why they chose english names, I thought Alice would pick smth korean/japanese but because she’s a sister of Lisa and Lucy then I guess not lol
- do ager talks in english too? no, maybe some single words but usually just polish short sentences or just single polish words, in headspace Nat talks as often in polish as in english but everyone else prefer english in head space as I mentioned before yet know polish and use it when fronting, not sure about the new guy yet
- are OCs and alters the same thing? no, OCs are consciously created to write about, alters aren’t and are “parts of your splitted personality” that I kinda treat as phases or moods (as other people treat them this way), they're also not imaginary friends
- how it’s like to be in headspace? my headspace is dark for now (it’s common at the beginning), I can see my alters then not just hear them, just because I’m not fronting doesn’t mean I am in headspace at the time because usually I’m co-conscious then, there's a yellowish vintage tall plush distressed armchair there tho
- is it easy to recognize who’s saying what? no, I’m lucky enough that most of the time they don’t talk at once or just stay quiet in general, as I know them more now it’s getting easier to recognize their voices in headspace and who's fronting as it's not always that obvious
- what are the consequences of switching back to “normal”? I want to drink water and pee a lot, I’m tired too, sometimes it actually hurts or I’m cold because of Nat - he’s stronger and weather doesn’t seem to bother him much, new guy is more sensitive to everything though, Lucy does dumb things by accident and Nat is masochistic so he might hurt himself, sometimes I feel guilt, regret, awkward, shy, sad, emotional, scared etc. due to what was happening as I often have no control over what my body is doing
- is co-conscious the same state as co-fronting? no, co-fronting is when you can control parts of your body and alter uses the rest, co-conscious is when me or alter only listens/observes what’s going on, co-hosting is the third thing
- are any of your alters write differently? yes, my handwriting is messy but still, some don’t write at all, even online, they have their favorite words too, emojis and gifs as well (both to send and receive), they might have different opinions, interests, and even sense of humor too so they react differently to the same situation, some seem to have different mental problems as well like one might have ADHD and the other OCD
- are you co-conscious every single time? usually, I am aware and remember most of the things, alters can hide some memories and even what I see from me though, I’m still not sure why they don’t remember those things either later it’s like they erase them or smth? dunno
- if smth is traumatic to you - is this traumatic to other alters as well? doesn’t have to be and vice versa
- are alters fronting for a long time? no, they sometimes can front for a moment, switching might be quick or can take a lot of time
- how it is to switch? if it’s not rapid then I feel shivers on my face and back, my leg starts to shake, I blink/close my eyes, it’s like fainting or falling asleep, I feel like I’m pulled back but more into my head - like someone is shrinking my whole body and pushes it inside of my head through my eyes? spacing out, times feels different, I can’t hear or focus much, I sometimes might be paralised and won’t talk, my mind often goes blank, empty, numb, can have a headache
- how alters feel in your body? often uncomfy lmfao, some are dysphoric, don’t tolerate the fact I have boobs or period/vagina, most complain about hair (and clothes obviously), some would want tattoos or makeup, they walk differently, they breathe differently sometimes too, they make different faces, change their voice, sometimes they truly see themselves as taller or with longer fingers or having bigger size clothes than I wear, they have different injuries/health issues at times as well (like seeing problem), they eat differently, just use things differently (cellphone, backpack, sleeves, hats, toys etc.), they take pleasure out of different kinds of touch, I heard they might even smell differently so… yeah ^^”
- do they share the same skills? no, not all and they also have different knowledge so sometimes they seem not to know what I usually know if I won’t inform them on time, I can't call them whenever so once I might be able to do the task and at times it's too hard
- can alters date each other? yes, they can but mine are more like family/siblings/cousins so that won’t happen
- do you switch at night? yes, but I usually wake up for a second before I fall back to sleep, we have different dreams sometimes too and then I’m aware we dreamed but dunno what about and I feel tired when we were switching a lot at night like I wasn’t sleeping at all, sigh…
- if you are in love/relationship how other alters react? me and Nat been conflicted but we’re both happy dating M. now even though we’re still scared to but others don’t seem to be bothered much
- do alters treat your real family as their? not exactly, it’s complicated, I think they feel more adopted or not that close maybe?
- what were the first symptoms of your OSDD? ppl saying they know me even though I didn’t know them and ppl telling me about things I did when I didn’t remember even though I remember lots of stuff with great details, not being able to control my body at times, acting differently in the same exact situations (skills), voice changes, blaming my BPD for personality changes, emotions and interests etc. but not only that, I had moments when I was doing smth and then I realized I finished it or time passed and I didn’t know how/when for example, after I stopped taking meds and a lot happened in my life alters starting appear like mushrooms after rain… I watched Unites states of Tara, I was watching youtubers/tiktokkers with DID and when I joined DID group on fb I realized that I have even more symptoms, test itself didn’t help me much tbh, I've had conversations in my head but thought it's normal to hear voices lol
- if someone is dating a person with DID who has an ager alter does this mean they’re pedo? no, if they were attracted to that specific alter and been raping/molesting them then it would make them an abuser but if you act around child alters just like a friend or older family member etc. then it’s fine
- can you call/ask an alter to front whenever you want? no, it’s not that easy
- can you inform an alter about smth whenever you want? neither, I have some sort of voicemail that was explained in a cool video I watched as a wikipedia page, when alter fronts they get all info
- if you act like a child does it mean it’s ager fronting or co-fronting? nope, sometimes it’s Alice but sometimes it might be just me haha
- is Vinnie a mom? to others? nah, she’s more like an aunt or smth
- will every fav song cause switch? no, when alter doesn’t want to or can’t front then even their fav song might not get them out
- is every switch visible/long/huge moment? no
- how is that you didn’t know you have alters, didn’t know them and don’t recognize yourself/them sometimes when switching? because at times you don’t see the obvious, I thought that are my moods or phases, even had moments when I didn’t remember stuff that were happening, I thought it’s my BPD and I’m pretending to be someone I’m not for others, I still had conversations in my mind, I realised it’s not the same as imaginary friends (because I didn’t feel that I’m them if that makes sense) nor OCs as I didn’t create them consciously, others did see from time to time that I was changing but they didn’t care and that is normal as many DID/OSDD systems hide the illness not only from strangers but also from the host, part of the issues is the fact we always think we are faking as it’s hard to believe in smth like that, we might have symptoms but putting them together is like a mystery novel where detective has to connect the dots, so I didn’t analyse myself from that kind of perspective before, it was easier this way, push the thought away even tho I was interested in the subject years before already as I somehow felt connection with it (lmfao)
- When you meows or purrs or hisses - is that kotszop? nope, sometimes it's just me or even Lisa, Nat can growl when angry
sep 26 2020 ∞
oct 3 2020 +
oct 3 2020 +