thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou c:

just as a 'btdubs starter', i think i am quickly picking up a dangerous habit. listography was originally supposed to serve as an organizational life device for me to get my shit together and be organized and manage things well (which i might well start doing, actually) - but all of said accomplishing things has been momentarily pushed aside in favor of you. which is both perfectly fine by me and REALLY BAD at the same time, seeing as it is now 12:51 AM, and i am WAY behind on almost everything.

i'm just incredibly glad i saw you yesterday. and it has merited yet another nonlist list note on this page; and i am kind of shaking my head (mentally) at myself and also trying to be efficient and basically finish so i can get ready for bed like a good cyber student and wake up and be ready for the busy week (sigh) ahead.

it's been like seven days of shit and hell and hard work; but honestly, i think the worst part was not getting to properly talk to or actually see you for more than minutes at a time. having to see you grow increasingly sleepy and tired and hungry and basically sullen was the worst thing, especially because there was nothing i could do - and the fact that i could actually SEE the exact same thing happening to me only made it even more despondent and basically shitty.

but then we had yesterday. and it was lovely, and it's basically kept me somewhat motivated to do things today, and - i'm sure - it'll probably be what my mind feeds off of all week to keep itself from tumbling into a gigantic pit of panic and despair. there were points where i just sat at my desk with my sweatpants and headphones on thinking fuckfuckfuckfuck but then i thought of you, and sitting on your bed reading and seeing you come in, and coming off your stairs to warm hugs in your kitchen, and the smiles on both of our faces. you eat parsley and mushrooms like a bunny, and i remember the crackly sound of obscene amounts of bacon sizzling in your kitchen, and the smell of yummy food combined with the realization that we were making it (and i was like two meters from you) basically made me smile all day yesterday (and today). the fact that you attempted to play rainymood through ipod speakers during dinner also makes me laugh, but then again, as per usual the entire world seemed to be trollfacing the one day we got to do something, so i'm not surprised.

but between discolouring your noodles (which i am totally sorry for, i basically derped really hard on that) and having my hair raped by the falling rain (ffffuuuuu), everything - your cute hands, your cute(r) face, your food preparation, bacon, pasta, new tabs, hugs, parks, series canon, plot twists, minecraft lighthouses, beach walks at night, horribly un-cinematic weather conditions, and sleepy bus rides - there is no one in the world i would rather be stuck in shitty cold rain weather with, and no one with whom i would rather have spent a saturday neglecting copious amounts of work.

so this time around, my rambly and slightly creepy listography entry spawns from the minecraft-ghibli video. yeah, no, seriously, i thought about that after i typed it. watching it the first time today, i was basically in awe of the ridiculous architectural skill of whoever constructed that world, and then facially reacting to the gorgeous soundtrack, but after loling at your inevitable response, the second it transitioned into totoro, i thought of you, and that hug in your kitchen; and since then, for the past several hours, it's just been you, and i have been shamelessly youtubing as many covers of 'path of the wind' as i can (for.. scientific purposes, obviously. it works each time).

i can't wait until summer when we can spend a day inside watching one too many miyazaki movies curled up on something soft together, and totally carefree, and then afterwards we can go build cool shit on minecraft or download the ghibli world or even GO OUTSIDE and basically do whatever the fuck we please because we'll have actual freedom, and i'll get to be with you with you, properly. in all 1:15 AM honesty, i think if i had to answer what two things i want most right now, those would be it.

but in the meantime, i'll snap out of my derpy (creepy beyond edge of decency) mode and finish my current play of path of the wind and tear off my headphones (and smile.. 8| ahaha.) and get ready for bed, because shit, tomorrow i've got a student council propaganda photoshoot, overdue drawings for tech design, undone sketches for tech, an undone painting and SKETCHES for art, and.. well, surprisingly, i'm done math, but that's it. this is my life right now, though.

despite the craziness, i'm so glad you're a part of it.

so yeah, i hope you're fast asleep right now (though i seriously doubt you are) dreaming about pretty things (ok, no, i actually care more about you getting adequate sleep and being physically okay right now); and i'll get to see you tomorrow (thank god because all i've really wanted for the last several hours is a pingu style nose kiss hug.. miyazaki music optional), and at this point my 'one replay of totoro' has turned into replay > replay > find new cover of song, so it's definitely high time i gtfo listography and think about curling my hair, packing my assignments, getting ready for bed, and picking some clothes. but thank you, for everything.

i hope this is what never changes. c:

1:23 AM -

goodnight :> <3