If I had known I had M.E., and what it is, and how to deal with it, what would I have done differently...

• I wouldn't have pushed myself to do an extra year in school when I could barely follow what was going on in class. I wouldn't have then covered up that fact by moving to the States for 3 months and experiencing school over there, studying again in English for the first time since I was 6 years old. I wouldn't have spent a whole week that summer doing physical activities at a camp, then a month travelling around England my father and a friend. I wouldn't have moved back to England to start the new school year in a new town, living with people I'd never met, studying brand new subjects and starting everything from scratch.
• I would have quit school at the end of the year aged 15, instead of leaving in a hurry and a mess mid-year just a week before my 17th birthday.
• I would have planned ahead to go on one very short walk (with a stop at a bench) with a friend every few months, instead of really long walks, pushing myself as far as I could go, and then never doing it again for the next 9 years.
• I would have stopped worrying about missing school and social activities and clubs, and instead tell myself from the very beginning "OK you're taking a whole year off to take care of yourself", therefore taking off the constant pressure of trying to get back out there way too soon.
• I would not have pretended to be just fine and hide all the symptoms and lie when in pain to others and to myself. I would have let people in on what was happening to me, to my body, so that... Nah.. I still wouldn't have. ^^ Pff I've always known myself to be a very prideful being, and even know, knowing how much it has cost me, I can't bring myself to imagine I would have acted any differently had I know what was going on sooner.
• I would have prepared proper goodbyes for each of my friends, and asked advice before hand on how to deal with their shock and grief. Not hugging one friend when they started to cry is something I still regret now. Announcing to another friend 5 minutes before the end of class, purposely because I knew the moment the bell rand I could run to my next class, even though I knew they would be shocked and sad and confused and have all sorts of questions. I should have been a better friend to that person too. But to be honest I was barely dealing with it myself. Seeing someone else's reaction, and hearing their questions to which even I had no answers to was just too much. I couldn't do it.

But even after all that, even after what such mistakes have cost me, I'm still thankful for all the experiences and adventures I got to live. Which is how nine years on, I don't feel like I've missed out too much. Sure I will never really know what it's like to be 17>now (26), but during those first seventeen years of my life I can honestly say that I lived more than many.