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• 1. A day without sunshine is like night.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Remember, half the people you know are below average.
• He who laughs last; thinks slowest.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
• Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
• Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
• Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
• Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
• Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

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