- "Eeeeagle!" (JD)
- "Listen Super Girl, I'm going to break you down into so many damn little pieces, that my grandmother, who can do a 1000 piece puzzle of clear blue sky in less than an hour, will never be able to put you back together. Even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect" (Dr. Cox)
- "Hi, I'm Bob Kelso and i like whores" (Dr. Kelso)
- " Ones for when I'm Sad and one is for when I'm really sad" (Ted when asked why he has a smiley face button and gun in his brief case)
- "Oh boy do they, I slept with Johnny Jenson's older brother in high school and he decided to tell all his friends what my oragasm face looked like. *making a weird face* And three of them posed like that for their year book pictures. I payed for that one for years." (Elliot, when asked if people can pay for sex)
- "Listen hear man, Homie here is a little out of his mizzle, so im just saying for just a little bizzle, if you let him up in this bizzle, then he'll be all chizzle. (Turk, when trying to get JD into a club)
- "Well the good news is his heads not in the storage room, because i once found a head in the storage room. Funny story actually. I put it in my locker because i didnt have time to go to the lost and found and i went on a long weekend and i forgot all about it. I come back to work on monday, open my locker and 'WHOA, HEAD' plus rats. I panicked, i didnt know what the hell to do. So i grabbed the thing and i ran up to the roof and i punt it and i shank it wide left like i always do. Now, its headed down straight for Kelso sitting in his convertable. I'm done, im out of a job right? WRONG! Just that second a hawk comes flying in, grabs the thing and flies off with it. And i know what your thinking, we're in a city, whats a hawk doing here?" (the janitor)
- "Okay, think of what little patience i have, as i dont know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there until that one night junior year when you were feeling a little down about yourself. And your pal kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a 4 pack of Bartles and James. And BADOW!, it was gone forever, just like my patience is now."
- "Shes awake, say something romantic. Do you think this is a good time to start talking about a nickname for my penis? its just that i dated a girl in college who made the decision without consulting me, and then all of a sudden, there it was, 18 straight months of it being called 'little buddy'. And we just didnt like that, not one bit." (JD)
- "i dont like too much freedom down there, it makes me tingle in my giblits. (JD on why he wears underwear)
- "How depressing is it being you, really? Do you equate it to being a lifetime cubs fan, or say, being born without lips?" (The Janitor to JD)
- "im 43, i know i may look older, but thats only because i smoke and drink heavily, and work with chemicals and i sleep on my face" (the janitor when asked about his age)
- "listen baby, a guy will have sex with any women he finds attractive, regardless of how he fells about her. If Tyra Banks ran over my mother and then offered to have sex with me, I'd have to dial 911 in the nude because my pants would already be off." (Turk)
- "I suppose i could riff a list of things that i care as little about as our last week together: low carb diets, Michael Moore, The republican national convention, Kabahla and all Kabahla related products, high def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting punk'd, Danny Ganz, the Latine grammys, the regular grammys, Jeff that Wiggle who sleeps too much, the Yankees payroll, all the blue states, all the red states, EVERY hybrid car, EVERY talk show host, EVERYTHING on the planet, EVERYTHING in the solar system, EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING that exists. Past, presents, future in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions.... oh and Hugh Jackman." (Dr Cox, when asked if he cared that it was his last day as JD's resident)
- "You gained 9 pounds in a week?!Let me ask you a quick question. Are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny balloon inside someone's clogged artery and all that person has to do really is, oh i dont know: go for a walk in the morning, or choke down a freshly green salad. and you come back looking like this. And i know, i know here i am supposed to be Dr. "give a crap", but do you want to know the god's honest truth, you are what you eat, and you went and clearly devoured a big fat guy" (Dr. Cox)
- "fine im going to go ahead and tell you how it ends. Dr Phil says 'and how is that working out for yooou?' and the big fat lady cries, 'wahhh'. alright im sure your wondering why i accepted the residency director job considering my disdain for, all of you. Is it the extra four dollars an hour in my pay check, or is it the fact that i finally have chance to make a difference in this god forsaken hell hole. Its all about the four dollars, believe me. And its funny how my money is contingent on you lemmings actually doing your jobs. I would say that now is a pretty good time for you to scurry on back to work so that i may continue to afford the antidepressants that make me so damn jolly." (Dr. Cox)
- "look, i know you and i have never really connected. Maybe its because your relentlessly annoying, or maybe its my fault because i cant tolerate relentlessly annoying people, i dont know." (Dr. Cox).
may 16 2011 ∞
jan 2 2012 +