╾ 25th

are you happy? i ask myself everyday. i keep crying and being sad and just now i think... do you see it? do you feel sad because of it? like... do you see your blingers suffering and feel guilty? i get scared when i think about it.

i dont want you to feel guilty. we're in pain, yes, its been the hardest thing i went through, we still cry and we miss you so much it keeps hurting inside, some of us (like myself) just wants to go with you. but theres nothing for you to feel guilty about. we know it was for the best, we just want the best for you and we may not know, but thinking that you're now in peace give us a little comfort. you did what was best for you and we support you even now. we get it.

i'm scared because if you're out there somewhere and if you can see us.. like this, crying, suffering, having such a hard time you might be sad and blaming yourself. but you dont have to... it wouldnt be fair if you stayed just because of us. you need whats best for you and thats it. i already said that a billion times but i rather suffer instead of you, i rather take the pain of having you gone than having you here in pain and hurting. i didnt know it was like that but i wouldnt be capable to bear it.

i'm sorry for missing you so much, i'm sorry because i just cant let you go no matter how hard i try, no matter how many times i try to fool myself i just cant. i'm sorry if i keep bothering you with my cries and my tears and all the things i keep telling you. i'm sorry if i make you feel sad or guilty. i said i would try and then i failed; i said i would try harder and failed again. its not working.