╾ 18th

its another 18th. the worse day ever, always. i hate that number so much. i had to wrote it a lot today and i hated. its already 6 months. a whole half year. how am i supposed to acknowledge that? i feel like i say this because its how it is its hows it going but i guess i’m still in denial. i wont believe it even if i try to it wont get inside my head. its been 6 months without you.

it pains me.

today wasnt hard and its everything messed up and mixed up, i dont know if i’m starting to.. i dont even know how to say it, nothing sound like my thoughts. hm.. i dont know if i’m “””accepting”””, i dont know if its because i’m extremely sleepy and tired and i dont know if its just because today is a week day and i dont get to be alone the whole day but it wasnt hard. i havent cried i dont have the strength to. or something.

i only know it hurts and i think about you everyday because everything reminds me of you and my head and heart are just both attracted to you somehow. i miss you. i hate this situation so much.