╾ 2nd

i once said i keep looking for a sign, but the truth is, it doesnt matter. it wont help anyway, when you're like this, you're like this. would you? would you give up if you had a sign? someone, some word... would you have stayed? i wonder...

i can laugh, i can enjoy some moments, i can forget for some hours and i can pretend everythings fine, but at the end of the day, i'm alone with my thoughts and my feelings, theres no way to turn, theres no way i can turn back from this, its always with me no matter what or when. the moment i'm alone, i'm alone. it hits me. it keeps remembering me that you're gone and i wanna go with you. thats what i think everyday.

and everyday i think of a billion things to write and i suddenly cant remember anymore. its just too much. too much to think and too much to feel. i'm like this right now but the next second i'm already feeling a lot of other things and i cant even catch up with myself, its like i'm running over myself.

you know, i've been crying for the past week, everyday, every night, i keep thinking about you and its just not getting any better, i keep missing you so much and i still cant process everything that happened, i still have a real hard time trying to understand that you're gone and thats my life now. i still feel guilty and sorry and a loser. i dont know if its getting harder or its getting real, thats why i keep crying so much and the more i cry, the more i want to cry. its never enough. the pain i feel its never enough and its never ending.

it hurts so much everyday till now.