- besides lorri, i might have more memories with you than anyone else-- i wouldn't even know where to begin listing them
- when we met in fifth grade, i was so sad and unhappy and so were you, we were a different kind of kindred spirits
- our friendship was almost instantaneous and i still believe those are the best kinds
- the first year i knew you, i cried to my mom because you were kicking me in the shins every day at school and it hurt my leg and my feelings - she told me to kick you back and i did and you never did it again
- you were mean then and you never really got any nicer, i just learned to adapt to you
- we became entirely dependent on each other as friends and i see as an adult that we were both so neglected and had completely broken mothers
- i remember watching you cut yourself in your bedroom and i remember taking your blade out of your purse and throwing it outside in the dirt when you were in the shower - you never said anything and neither did i
- i never cried in front of you until years later
- you spent an entire summer at my house, in the pool - we would swim from the moment we woke up to ten at night every single day and your mom would call you home after three or four days only for you to return a day or two later
- you constantly put me down and made me feel stupid, i've never felt more stupid with anyone else than i did around you
- everything in me that was soft, sweet, playful, or innocent was mocked and made fun of by you, which i don't blame you for anymore
- as we grew into preteens and teens, your pilfering of my interests and personality started becoming unbearable to me, especially when you would use those things to gain friends or boyfriends and then continue to make fun of me as the 'dork'
- your final betrayal of me by romantically pursuing my first girlfriend was the final straw for me as far as trusting you ever again
- that's not to say we don't have good memories, because we do - putting ice down each others' pants, staying up all night so many times, laughing about literally everything because we were weird together, having only each other to survive the shitstorm of jr. high and all the family crappiness going on in both of our homes
- your friendship gave me a much needed reprieve from being so unbearably alone all the time and i will be forever grateful for you for that and for all the laughter
- i feel that no matter the bad parts, our friendship was one of understanding - we understood each other and probably will always retain a level of that understanding and probably always know certain parts of each other that may now be well hidden from everyone else
- we hung out more in late high school and a bit later, too, but i always felt the same around you - stupid, childish, and like i didn't understand why you always seemed annoyed by me but wanted to be my friend?
- i understand now what all this is -- a toxic friendship, at least for me
- please don't think that i hate you or that i think badly of you, because i don't
- i am so grateful for our friendship and i hope that you find happiness and peace in your life
may 2 2020 ∞
may 13 2020 +
may 13 2020 +