(otherwise known as "the brilliant things that come out of my mouth".)

• "I am the sexiest lamppost."
• "SEE? YOU'RE CUTE. THE INTERNET AGREES."
• "Drama. Romance. Or you could come for the GIANT ROBOTS!!!"
• "You are not the Ruler of the Universe. You are merely its Jester."
• (to Meg) "You be the rockstar and I'll be your groupie."
• "CAPSLOCK."
• "I'm not a person? OH MY GOD. I'M AN ALIEN."
• "Can fish be gay?"
• "Where are my fucking pants?"
• "Explain to me how you maybe asked her out and she maybe said yes."
• "...and then a meteor came out of nowhere and everyone died. The End."
• "STFU. I AM THE NARRATOR. THEREFORE, I AM GOD."
• "Inspiration chewed through her chords and snuck out the back window."
• (to Meg) "I BET I CAN READ YOUR POKER FACE. :D"
• "Analogy for the Art Institute: it's like whiplash. It happens really fast, and you start to feel the effects afterward."
• (to Rae) "STOP MOLESTING ME."
• "I HUGGED JESUS!"
• "Friends don't sell out friends to the Dark Lord."