- I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome
- Don't be a bore, be a whore
- your soul is like an appendix; I don't even use it
- What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
- all I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
- I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
- If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
- if that's veiled criticism about me, i won't hear it and i won't respond to it.
- Yo' Mama is so dirty, she makes Speedstick slow down and think about it.
- I went and saw 'The Vagina Monologues.' That is the worst ventriloquism I have ever seen in my life. You could see their lips moving; it was terrible. (hal sparks)
- I first suspected that my father was gay when I asked him to pick a number between one and ten, and he was all, 'I'm gay.' That's when I first grew suspicious. (andy samberg)
- What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The head Nurse!
- I love women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are liars, like this girl I met in the park. She was walking her dog and she was cute, so I started to talk to her. She told me her dog's name. I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' I said, 'Oh yeah, then how does he eat?' (demetri martin)
- I will rap my dick around your neck and start you like a motherfucking lawnmower
- i'm not gonna take "no" for an answer because i just refuse to do that because i'm a winner, and winners, we don't listen to words like "no," or "don't," or "stop," Those words are just not in our vocabulary.
- Sorry you misinterpreted my brilliant joke as horribly offensive
- Sorry you don't understand how important I am
- life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust
- I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar
- I have the strength of a grizzly, reflexes of a puma, and wisdom of a man.
- I may be a prostitute, but don't treat me like one.
- making me sweat more than a virgin at a prison rodeo
- Once the guys hooked and gets amped on a chick, then shes like hokay onto a new guy
- definition of a tease: "you flirt like whoa but then when the dude makes a move you're like 'whoa' in a bad way"
- My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
- im not gonna take no for an answer. because i just refuse because im a winner, and winners, we dont listen to words like no or dont or stop
- im always thinking one step ahead. like a carpenter..building stairs
- my mind's always doing things that i don't even know about
- You look like Meryl Streep on Quaaludes at a wine tasting during the Great Depression
- I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
- You can't have your penis and eat it too
- I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
- i'd like to help. but not as much as i'd like not to.
- Did somebody call my brain a hooker because MIND=BLOWN
- don't open your mouth unless you want a dick shoved in it.
- the reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass
- Thanks for taking one hand off your BlackBerry to finger-bang me
- It feels like a fisting kind of evening
- I feel like I could listen to you forever in 140-character-or-less increments
- Fucking you really turns me on
- My penis is large enough to wound you
- I wish you'd appear in my bed as often as you appear in my news feed
- I want you to sext me with the reckless abandon of a philandering golf legend
- I'm somewhat skeptical you're laughing out loud as much as you claim
- bong rips and nip slips
- how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
- Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration.
- I got my magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds; I'm ready to plow!
- I do not appreciate being paraphrased. I choose my words very deliberately.
- There's only one thing young ladies should be inserting in themselves...and that's knowledge
- do it all in the stall
- hoodrats don't die they multiply
- you dirty little hamster
- great highdea
- it's colder than a witch's titty and a brass bra
- bros before hoes unless the hoes have no clothes
- vEven his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
- If I could run across the beach into my own arms I would.
- drippy vaginas. rug burned gunts. tiresome dicklips.
- "Sometimes the afternoon nap is the only reason I get up in the morning" - George Costanza
- take the high road all the way to hell, bitch (new york)
- I'm gonna go back to coasting through life on my good looks, but my brains will always be there so whenever I need them I can just whip them out and use them as a secret emergency rocket pack (kelso)
- Just for once, I want the right thing and the topless thing to be the same thing (kelso)
- the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be (jackie burkhart)
- It's amazing what one act of civil disobedience can do for a person (eric forman)
- I’m not stealing your thunder. I merely escorted them to a more interesting storm. (the league)
- fez likes them big, fez likes them small, fez likes them all
- what have you done? besides everyone
- i wish i had more hands so i could give those titties 4 hands down
- i have a definite opinion on this…i don't care (hyde)
jun 12 2010 ∞
jul 30 2011 +
jul 30 2011 +