“1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

• Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
• Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
• If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
• Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.
• When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
• Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.
• Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
• Don’t dumb it down.
• You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
• If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
• Never park in front of a bar.
• Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
• Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.
• Hold your heroes to a high standard.
• A suntan is earned, not bought.
• Never lie to your doctor.
• All guns are loaded.
• Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
• The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
• Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
• Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
• A handshake beats an autograph.
• Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
• If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
• If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
• Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
• Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
• Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
• When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
• Eat lunch with the new kids.
• When traveling, keep your wits about you.
• It’s never too late for an apology.
• Don’t pose with booze.
• If you have the right of way, take it.
• You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
• When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
• Never push someone off a dock.
• Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
• It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.
• Don’t make a scene.
• When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
• Know when to ignore the camera.
• Never gloat.
• Invest in good luggage.
• Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
• When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
• Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
• Give credit. Take blame.
• Suck it up every now and again.
• Never be the last one in the pool.
• Don’t stare.
• Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
• Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
• If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
• Admit it when you’re wrong.
• If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
• Look people in the eye when you thank them.
• Thank the bus driver.
• Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
• Know at least one good joke.
• Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
• Know how to cook one good meal.
• Learn to drive a stick shift.
• Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
• It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
• Dance with your mother/father.
• Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
• Always thank the host.
• If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
• Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.
• There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
• Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
• Keep your word.
• In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.
• Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
• Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
• Don’t be the talker in a movie.
• The opposite sex likes people who shower.
• You are what you do, not what you say.
• Learn to change a tire.
• Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
• An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
• Don’t litter.
• If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
• You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
• Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
• Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
• Make the little things count.
• Always wear a bra at work.
• There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
• You’re never too old to need your mom.
• Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
• Know the words to your national anthem.
• Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.
• Smile at strangers.
• Make goals.
• Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
• If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.”_