1/1 (Sat) - Rang in the new year w/a kiss from my beautiful boy. and it's gone downhill...made a list of the sos to do today. been fucking around on pc and it's 3:16 am. I fear another year will be shot to hell. and no replies from EP. :-(

1/2 (Sun) - Pissed another day away. Dave put new tire on Vibe, owe him more money. Returned punching bag for cash to get car sticker. Bought a few groceries at Aldi's. Goy cheeseburger at Wendy's for Cam. Fear someone will come into apt tomorrow, still a shitpit, worse than ever. I hate it here so much.

1/4 (Tues) - 1/2 ass thinking about trying to buy that $50,000 2-story house down street from laundrymat.

1/5 (Wed) - D called at 9:45 pm. I assumed it was EP. Just kept staring at my phone as it rang. Didn't answer. No msg left. Immediately called Alison. During that time, D texted at 10:12 pm: "Hey carol just wanted to say hi Hope u and beetle r ok !". wtf.

1/6 (Thurs) - Running unusually late this morning so ran my deposit to bank. whotf should pull in beside me but D and wrinkled Casey skank...in HER vehicle I assume (an orangish Blazer or some shit), she was drivng. It was 8am. D looked miserable. Never even looked at me but he HAD to have seen me. They never said a word to one another the entire time. I would say I saw Mother & son but that would imply SOME sort of closeness. I saw NO chemistry whatsoever. I saw a little boy waitng on mommy to give him his allowance perhaps. I was amused, disgusted and pissed at same time.

1/9 (Sun) - Ordered that cute bandeau pink ombre bikini from VS, top in large, bottom in medium. ea pc was 9.99 but total was $27 w/shipping <shrug>. it's SO cute. Hopefully it will be an incentive.

1/11 (Tues) - No school (snow), Took Cam to jury trial selection w/me. went to Los Tres Caminos in Marshall. Expensive I thought for what we got. Asked about getting tequila from Mexico...said couldnt help but I think if I had him alone he'd do it. We'll have to go back and I'll work on him. Not selected for jury.

1/12 (Wed) - No school (snow. pussies). Told Cam he'd go to Olga's while I was at work. He said he felt like throwing up. It was 7:30 anyway and we had just woke up so I texted into work. Maybe he DID feel like throwong up...hadnt had anything to eat since Tues at Caminos but I think he just doesnt like going to olga's for some reason. I havent told olga that D called/texted...no point...still pmo she thinks THEY'RE "a couple". Still cant get my shit together. Im a loser. Kid's bday gonna be slim Im afraid. I have GOT to lose weight! Tracked my VS order and it's in Effingham. Should be here tomorrow. I HATE THIS LAPTOP KEYBOARD!

1/14 (Fri) - Cam had first board breaking class. Did good, broke the board once, the green board probly wasnt the right choice for him...really hard, higher on the chart than most the others, when we got home I tried it and it hurt MY hand and I couldn't break it.

1/15 (Sat) - Went to ATA core, was 10 min late. 2 more classes and graduates to camo belt 1/22. Almost 70k miles on Vibe...20k miles in 6 mnths...wonderful. Dont think I'm keeping either of these laptops. Thinking about an HP from Amazon. Need to go to BestBuy to text out the keyboards. After ATA, went to ToysRUs, GameStop to p/u the Mario All Stars reserve (they were talking about me while I was waiting, "...she aint gonna pick it up, just sell it..." lol. I really dont care about it cuz I have the exact same thing on Super Nintendo but I think I gotta good deal...$32 including the $5 reserve pay), to Golden Corral eww, HATE it there but I was in the mood for their food but everytime we go there I get in an instant bad mood and today was no different. Saw Brandy Sledge there w/her man and Cameron saw that Ashton kid from baseball and apparently he's in his class this year too. Then stopped by JCP cuz they were having a sidewalk sale. Got Cameron a 1/4 zipper sweater and a really cool armygreen looking jacket/shirt, and found me an acceptable black leather jacket for $40 until I'm not fat anymore. Came home got the movies to return to Family Video in Marshall cuz I forgot them earlier, got 7 more and a videogame for under $10...return Thurs. Came straight home, went to bed after watching "Cube"...I liked it ok. Got up around 8 and been fucking around on the pc ever since. It's now 1:10 am. I think about sex ALL the time. Nobody loves me. Dont know wtf is going on realtor.com. Surely ALL those houses havent sold! At the same time?! None of them were there. I'm 1/2 ass thinking about that one for 90k out in the country...seriously doubt I can get a loan for it tho. Has everything I want except a fireplace. but it, along w/all the others, arent listed anymore.

1/16 (Sun) - Didnt go to bed till 5am. Slept till 12:30. god I suck.

1/25 (Tues) - jfc. Someone (Homeless Phil I would imagine) was in the apt today. Probly hear from fucking chris tomorrow and DCFS before long. Stacy txted me about coming to work tomorrow and while I was scrolling thru it, D's old txt msg from last year popped up...reminding me, lest I forget, just how much of a CUNT he truly is. Well its decided then. I'm moving to Charleston.

2/9 (Wed) - h/c for Cameron by Gina. Not as good this time. She shaved the top more than cut it and it looks like carpet.

4/10 (Sun) - It's after midnight and I suck. Haven't heard any more peeps out of D since 1/5 and whenever I pass him, I get nothing. I have $20 in checking and that has to last till end of month. It's 79.7° in here.

5/18 (Wed) - Heard more from D, the last being tonight @9:24pm, it woke me up, asked whats new in carols world. I texted back "these late nights for no good reason are fucking me. Had a stupid dream. It was either you or Scott Sanders." Never got anything back. I dont understand what he's doing. And to top it all off, my finances are fucked. I'm never going to get a house at this rate. I hate to say it but I think I want him to come back cuz u know...maybe this time he'll be different. LOL. I'm retarded. I wonder if I'd still feel the same way if I weren't fat & disgusting. I honestly don't think I would.