• Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
• Beverly: Sheldon, I do hope you forgive me for my inappropriate behavior, last night.

Sheldon: I don’t blame you. You were intoxicated. Beverly: Thank you. Sheldon: I blame Penny Penny: I blame Penny, too. Bad Penny.

• [Knock, knock, knock]Sheldon: Penny!

[Knock, knock, knock] Sheldon: Penny! [Knock, knock, knock] Sheldon: Penny!

• Leonard: They're gonna get beaten up at that club.

Penny: They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.

• Penny: Oh, no, no. You see, in the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer, it's directly in the path of the cross breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television on an angle that isn't direct so that he can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.

Sheldon: Perhaps there's hope for you after all.

• Leonard: Sheldon hates it when you play with the Sheldon.
• Howard: Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?
• Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.

Sheldon: Why? Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.