• theres always something for me. i feel like i want so much and just literally will never have the time to be everything i want to, to do everything thats meaningful to me, and become who i think i am and want to be. do you know what i mean? i can't organize my life enough to fit in all the necessary things like appointments and making a living, and raising my kids, let alone add in all the stuff that i want to enjoy, that would make my life so complete.
• i'm not even going to be another person to tell you, it's okay, you'll get there, don't worry, just pray... blah blah. i know what you mean, in different ways. i believe you will get all that you want and you do deserve it, but i know it doesn't make you feel any better to hear that SOMEDAY you will be happy. i'm sorry you can't have that now. i ... See Morefeel so sad for you :( i always pray for you, at least we have that, and we CAN look forward to the days when we will be fulfilled, but we are just searching for a way to be happy NOW, while we wait and wonder why we don't have these things :( i don't know the answer to that, i just wish someone would tell me, and tell me what to do, because i feel like i have no guidance, and that some things are hopeless.
• i feel so much creativity and expression and passion. but nobody can smell it, or feel it, or taste it the same way i do. do you know what i mean? is what's most meaningful to a person lost on everyone else in the most important ways?
• i'm at a very spiritual place in my mind lately, i'm kind of scared of it. it feels so magnetic and alluring and im scared im going to get sucked into something and pull away from reality. i have met a couple of people and i have the most exciting and vast conversations with them, and when we are done and i say goodbye to them and go back to my life, i literally see my surroundings get darker and my life feels heavier. i have an idea of how i want things to be, but it seems so unrealistic, and so i dont think i can attach myself to exploring this way i want to live and think, because it will hurt everything that depends on the scheduled life i have.

How will what you want hurt the life you have? in simple terms, chloe and emmett. i feel like im supposed to provide them all of my energy, focus all my attention to their needs. and i want to, i dont want to miss a thing with them, i want to be their influence. but i feel this need to do these things in my own life that requires not being tied to anything, and not putting emotions in anything. i'm discovering all these things i want to think about and feel and experience, and it feels like its really important to connect to this energy during my life, but its impossible to embrace it while i have a responsibility to anything. i cannot disconnect from the life i have, i dont want to disconnect from all of it, but there is this whole stretch of scenery i want to see and i'm so far away from it, from what i can imagine it looks like. but i can't imagine the balance of that and the life i have already.