"I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else."

• March 17 ➝ that would be the last time I would share lunch with them
• March 18 ➝ was supposed to watch beauty and beast, didn't happen
• March 19 ➝ ate so much chips and chocolate
• March 20 ➝ i am such an introvert ugh
• March 21 ➝ so sad i couldn't live in fairytale (watched beauty and the beast 2017)
• March 22 ➝ idk where to put myself really
• May 19 ➝ hr called and brought a disheartening news (i am relieved though)
• July 1 ➝ i am not okay really; with all that's happening in my life; i am not okay i want to die
• July 14 ➝ someone who i adore at work got reprimanded for no reason and it made me sad.
• August 10 ➝ fed with an important secret today and i think if someone is showing a foul attitude, it is just right for that person to pay for it
• August 18 ➝ caught someone staring or maybe that person's mind was just adrift and it just happens that the direction he's looking was towards mine haha
• August 22 ➝ watched All Time Low live here in Manila
• August 26 ➝ they included me in the conversation and it made me so crazy happy. little things make me so happy. im too shallow at times
• August 29 ➝ im super pissed + i dont like the ambiance in our new office. cant wait to leave.
• September 29 ➝ it made me dont want to leave work. i may complain a lot about feeling so terrible in the office, but really it was only me because I was such a disappointment to myself and I feel so embarrassed on my flaws. today they made me feel appreciated. they see something in me that i dont and it was so overwhelming it saddens me to the bottom of heart. all the moments spent with them will be treasured. i hope they forget me not, because i wont too. today is my last day and i havent expected something so heavy to happen
• October 5 ➝ First interview after leaving my first job was such a disaster
• October 7 ➝ Watched Mayday Parade live here in Manila. My heart goes to only one person when it comes to MP
• October 13 ➝ interview to another company. i just hope this is it, i really wanna pursue this career but if not, i'm screwed, i'm taking the terrible path because i'm shtityy
• October 20 ➝ Finally caught up to brooklyn nine nine's recent episode. Jake Peralta proposed to Amy Santiago, this makes me happy lol
• October 26 ➝ Went to my second interview somewhere where I really wanna be. It feels so good when I actually cleared that interview. Now, I have to wait for the schedule of my final interview. It's giving me all the jitters, knowing that I really want this.
• November 3 ➝ went to steph's home to celebrate her birthday and also shaneh was there. love these besties forevs.
• November 9 ➝ Final interview - two sets of interview. I already sat down to six different people and had four interviews for this job lol. and still i am still unsatisfied on how i answer because i really feel crappy and lacking.
• November 16 ➝ Wow they are hiring me!!!! can't believe I just had a pre-employment medical exam earlier and fingers are crossed, i hope this one would go well. i'm feeling so uneasy. the dread is excruciating.
• November 26 ➝ I took a personality test thru 16personalities online again after taking it a year ago. My results now is INFP-T (Mediator)
• November 27 ➝ It was my first day at my new work and I ultimately and madly felt terrible and insecure. I have never felt so lacking in my life until this day. I wish I have studied well in college and chose a career that suits my personality and interests. And what more painful is that I, myself, am not quite sure what I really wanted or want at the moment.
• December 5 ➝ I am thankful for the life that God has given me. Despite of all the bad things that happened to me and negativity in my head, I still choose to strive for betterment.
• December 9 ➝ I am so fckng miserable!!!!!!!! I just hope I learned a lot in college but I didn't!!!! I am so fckng sad. Everytime I walk home from work, I always try to hold back the seething torrent of tears to wash away the negativity in my head but my incompetency is still looming in.