"Do you ever feel like your get-up-and-go just got up and went?"

"I'll rise, but I won't shine."

"Normal is just a setting on the washer."

"I'm not an ugly flower - I'm a pretty weed."

"Save the Earth, it's the only planet with chocolate."

Senility Prayer: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the people I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

"When life gives you lemons... get the salt and tequila!"