tw // dream hate

notes:

• i'm writing this to relieve me of any anger and anxiety relating to him and mcsr
• i very much regret whatever i posted and have much respect for the mods and community
• i have never considered myself part of dttwt Ever (i'd rather eat shit than be thought of as dttwt no offense but

before cheating allegations

• months before i made my mc/au acc i was a dream anti to the point where i threatened severing decade long friendships if they didn't stop liking him lol
• alongside this was i was in a fandom where the ccs (who i got extremely attached to before all the drama befell them) completely as in Completely ignored all criticism towards themselves, so when all the dream issues came up i was ready to spend all my energy hating him cos like. i was directing my anger/general energy towards smth pointless rn why not here too
• i've never known how to cope with these abnormal amounts of rage and anger, i am diagnosed with some bullshit but eh
• when dream actually addressed shit i was like thank God so i kinda ?? stopped hating him .
• i ultimately decided to use the aformentioned ccs as my standard for judging ccs in drama. at this point i was just thankful dream even gave a fuck lol

yep

• i claimed that cos i was from an esteemed institution i understood the situation enough to have good judgment. i then realized i was too depressed to actually understand shit AND fulfill any of my irl responsibilities. i knew i had the capacity to but i didn't actually understand cos my mental health was shit yada yada
• the papers the mods wrote made me vv uncomfortable cos of the format. i have written research papers (but mostly qualitative ones) and reading them literally made me hear the disappointed screeches of my research teachers. mcsr mods are volunteers sure but i thought at least one of them would know.
• i didn't really know of the mcsr community until the drama died down, i knew some runners but that was all

now

• i keep thinking i'm this excluded from the community cos of everything i just wrote . lmao
• the math youtubers who explained the math and shit are so cool, we studied that stuff but i couldn't remember anything so whenever i said yep i'm good at statistics it's true but i. idk i just my Brain and i cry everyday lol
• i don't really know what to do i really like not being in drama ever but i wanna befriend people

yeah