namu means tree in korean. it's also one of namjoon's nicknames. i've been feeling green recently. jututu once said they see green in me - like in nature elements. on the other hand, i don't feel like a tree yet. i feel more like a sprout, but according to the translator, sprout is 새싹, i think - at least in korean - 나무 sounds way cuter. therefore, i decided to put a meaning behind the words, so i don't look superficial.

namu is what i aim to be. i'm still a sprout, i'm still growing, that's how i feel.

once namjoon said: you know, in your 20's, you have so many thoughts, they're like many branches in a tree. if my brain is a tree, there are so many branches. there's sadness, desperation, devastation; there's happiness, hope, everything. but when you get old, it gets cut. we have to feel pain and have to experience many things. but after that in 30's and 40's, if you got so many branches in your 20's... you will someday become a beautiful tree."

there are days that i feel these branches growing inside me. i sometimes wonder if i'm breaking them or something. despite the pain, i hope they're growing well and healthy. in conclusion, i claim to be a sprout but i know that i have a lot of branches already.

i don't even know if i'll stick to this nickname forever (like lile). in the meantime, please call me namu. maybe along these lines i might start believing i'm in the right direction of becoming who i really want to become. also, that's a nice way of reminding myself to take care of my well-being.