"coughing fits like shards of glass and breaths of air that never last escapes from shells bubbles jars fleeting thoughts walks in front of cars have i had a tragedy more pure than futile ruminations on my own cure for flesh and bone are built to last the grey matter of my brain holds my past one garbled and fuzzed years of misunderstanding how to cope with a crash-landing no black box no record of woe some missing scars some broken toes proof is all that i held dear it slips further from me year by year" - v.d angel 04.07.23

"i'm not as smart as i used to be grey matter splattered its history can't keep track of the shit you tell me why don't you just come and take me, out put me, down run it round like a rabid crea-ture freak show fea-ture panic as my train of thought veers right off of the track under pressure of all my feelings the railings crack oh innocence and medication, won't you take me back cmon cmon it cant be so bad cmon cmon why are you so sad cmon cmon its cant be so bad cmon cmon i've fuckin gone mad cmon cmon cmon. cmon cmon cmon fuck, my, head blown against the wall fuck, me, dead and push me to my fall" - v.d angel 14.11.22

"bruises litter me like mold in an abandoned place if they were yours, they'd be strung over me like a necklace you'd give me pearls, in concept a strawberry milkshake, you'd take me out hand me a strawberry alone, my juice covered lips wet i don't think you'd hurt me even if i'd ask if i cried, yelled, screamed, broke down in the street, (you get the point) but i would still ask and trust you, past the punches and kicks and love you, past blood on my lips anything from you, strawberry sweet" - v.d angel 29.10.22

"we should all just sit down and think think to ourselves about the time spent: together, apart, together, apart up, and down and all over again lips on mine your mouth is like leather keeping me warm or, too fucking sweaty smothering me in the heat of the world never used to run so cold your hands used to be the dead ones though, i guess we should both be" - v.d angel 22.09.22

"my poor, overheated, gasping gray matter is running out of oxygen, much like a suicidal student sealed in an airtight garage with the engine running. dull thudding thudding thudding thud. drip. pour. splash. overflow.

back up quick now.

your eyes are full of hornets and black widow spiders, so please don’t get too close to me. one third social awkwardness mixed with two parts stone cold livin’ can do this to a person. typewriter teeth champing at the bit, foaming excess ink and clacking sounds. ding. time to change everything. change the mind and you change the body. change the body and you change the mind.

but this takes time, effort, and money. dinosaurs could live without money, so why can’t we? “because we’re not dinosaurs, our brains are bigger than walnuts.” ah, but size doesn’t matter when it’s splattered against the wall. then the mind doesn’t matter, because it’s kaput, pushing up daisies, gonezo. then the body doesn’t matter, because the mask that all the world sees is disintegrated, because everyone looks the same when they’ve been decapitated by a shot gun shell. then nothing matters."

- f.t willz 28.08.13