•met at a charlotte phillip's beach party, the one for meeting david - i told sam i loved him, we sang kiss me on the beach, and made sand angels

•talked on facebook endlessly, about cats, and people, and everything

•got tea in macdonalds and went to the beach in november - the silly boy was wearing hardly any clothes, in the hope that i would cuddle him - this was done several times in the 'getting to know you' period

•using teaching me how to change gear as an excise to hold my hand - smooth

•first sort of double date sort of thing, when kirsty and i met up with harry and sam, in town, the first time sam held my hand properly. It was very windy

•driving up to see corfe castle in the evening

•28th december - explored wareham in the christmas holidays, sam bought me the 'comedies of shakespeare' in a little shop called Re-loved, then we got an intended picnic, though actually ate it in his living room, whilst watching how to train your dragon, but got bored and did some kissing instead

•went to the cinema with harry and david to see the hobbit

•went to the rex cinema in wareham to see life of pi - really good artsy film, which makes me want to explore india, and america

•eating chinese and throwing seaweed in kirstys kitchen, watching terrible music channels

•sam doesn't like daria

•finding out the reason he didnt really touch me, i thought it was because he didnt really like me, i was so used to being treated as an object

•watching Les Miserables at the Rex, i cried about fifteen times, he didnt at all, he really is my rock

•having sam to stay, even though he had to work, on my birthday, when he met my friends, as awkward as it was. - he bought me pretty earrings, and mug with a cat on it ' a hug in a mug' and a pretty basket, not to mention baked me a cake, which far surpassed his modesty nom nom nom

•American Fizz, our addiction to sweeties will be the death of us

•pancakes for breakfast

•valentines day, it was the suggestion that we would have lasagne - his favourite meal- and pink wine, but the underlying knowledge was that we would authenticate our relationship - it wasnt all that romantic, but it was sweet and exciting and well quite amazing

•during february half term, going for dinner at georgie porgies, meeting wider parts of his family, his granny thinks im lovely

•watched pulp fiction, dirty dancing, how to train your dragon, taken -which is shit, beatlejuice, sixteen candles, feris buelers day off, my neighbor totoro - and other animes on film 4, fight club - at my sister's house, heathers - he didnt like it, sweeney todd, 28 weeks later

•talking to him about my past, feeling protected and safe, like ive never had before

•sam drove four hours to visit my sister with me, even though he missed his concert. Stopped at little chef 'mushrooms?! i'm not made of money', coloured in a butterfly, i got lollies. Joe called his legos sam, he is the smartest four year old ever if ever i have a son (who will, no doubt, be called maximilian) i hope i can look after him even half as well as Louisa can. Joe was utterly obsessed with sam, watching them read together made my heart melt, i'm so excited to know that we'll have a family equally as beautiful, one day. we explored leicester, wasted hours, bored, in the market and shopping centre, got harrassed by LoveFilm people, whilst eating pretzels, and my tongue was blue. we found 'pink pigeon vintage' and sammy bought a timmy hilfiger shirt, which makes him look like a seventies dream (dont tell him). Then went to the porkpie library, to read even more books to joe, and elmer the elephant to ourselves. My family love sam, Louisa loves him, Paul approves, hopefully we will go up to see them every year, forever

•looking after his dogs, - not a pleasant memory here, but a significant one, nonetheless: visiting his grandfather's gravestone, feeling how much sam missed him, feeling the pain sam felt, the hatred for the illness that took him, the longing for him and i to have met, the flowers, the other headstones making me cry, how his grandads headstone was totally fab, remembering how he was a fan of elvis, how much he influenced sam, i really wish i could have met him. visiting his granny who was poorly, but is so lovely

•going to mollys den - a massive vintage warehouse, sam bought me pretty playing cards, and pointed out the pretty rings, again making my heart melt. I dont expect it soon, we've all our life