• whole foods pizza subbed with follow your heart vegan cheese
• olive branch body spray, lush
• watching videos of crocheting patterns
• daiya jalapeno havarti cheese
• oat milk
• wheel throwing
• like a virgin cold cream cleanser, lush

• i had passion fruit for the first time. it smelled fruity & floral & tropical. i ate it half with the coconut yogurt i made & gave the other half away.
• i spent a few afternoons painting in watered-down colors without placing expectations on myself, on the turn-out, or anything at all. i played with colors & experimented with different techniques.
• i made cashew cream cheese. it's delicious & tastes a lot like ricotta. i cut up some chives & a scallion & mixed it in there to give it some more flavor. it tastes really good with sourdough bread.
• i recently ate a pizza that had vegan cheese, tomato sauce, red onion, black olives & fresh arugula. i can't stop dreaming about it.
• i also made some lasagna that turned out really well.
• i bought flowers & took lots of pictures ...

• amy's roasted vegetable vegan pizza
• apple cider vinegar on my hair
• peanut butter chocolate chip lara bar
• pierre hardy ace ankle boots
• london fogs
• striped black & beige sweater (thrifted in gainesville)
• lilies, their scent overtaking my bedroom
• baked tofu
• show: escape to the country
• iced moroccan mint tea

• isabeli wrap top & minka long sleeve top, ayai
• cappella degli scrovegni, giotto's frescoes, 1305
• rose jam shower gel, lush cosmetics
• infinity creamy oil, josie maran
• le labo jasmin 17 fragrance
• vintage silk slips
• sprouted grain bread
• homemade gingersnap chocolate chip cookies

• IPKN x estherlovesyou
• milk glass
• sweet potato, squash & romaine salad with horseradish dressing & raisins, from community loaves
• homemade vegan lasagna with tofu ricotta & fresh basil
• dior SS17
• cinnamon roll, from sweet theory
• cotton candy themes & colors
• fall/winter clothes
  • clear lens glasses
  • oversized sweaters
  • vintage/second-hand mohair
  • ribbed tops & socks
• sauteed sweet peppers, mushrooms & scallions
• vintage arcopal harlequin coffee cups
• skincare
  • glow tonic, pixi

• food blog: apollo & luna
• alexis bittar cherry drop hoop earrings
• smoothie: banana, spinach, plant milk & coconut sugar
• sugar daddy-o hair conditioner, lush
• homemade 'honey' mustard (using coconut sugar instead) drizzled over baked potato fries
• issa dress, ayai
• #31daysofthatschic
• gingham
• show: the chef's table

Feeling up & down... Work life is stressful & very unsatisfactory. I don't see how changing jobs will change much, since I feel like the problem isn't only within the usual misbehavior of most people but also my stubborn inability to confront others & anxiety that comes from the forced social situations having a job requires. It's almost like I'd be settling for a different set of problems. How I wish to make my living in a fulfilling way!

I have also had a strong urge to buy myself a few items (which of course comes at the most inopportune time, as per usual). Wishing for:

• Basinger top & Shaylin dress, Reformation
• Haloscope highlighter, Glossier
• Cybele choker in pink, AYAI
• A vintage Edwardian top (finished with vintage pearl buttons)
• Sofia bodysuit in white, AA

• Beautiful shower gel: smells like peaches & lightly perfumes your skin all day!
• NYC ♡
  • So much vegan food!
    • Turkish red lentil soup
    • Red pepper + walnut spread
    • Miyoko's Black Ash vegan cheese
    • Basil & cashew mozzarella pizza
  • Flower & fruit markets everywhere
  • Joralemon
• Butter lettuce salads w. vegan ranch dressing
• Denim button front skirts
• Miu Miu satin lace up flats (thinking of a DIY way of having them)
• AYAI Bianca sweater
• Dandelion tea + ginger, lemon & mint infused water for detoxing
• Jasmines, violets, roses & hyacinths, not...

• Lush
  • R&B leave-in conditioner
  • Shades of Earl Grey massage bar
  • Refresher shower jelly
• Birthday wishing
  • Out of state trip (NYC, perhaps?)
  • AYAI Velvet ribbon choker
• Crewneck bodysuit, AA
• Vegfest: vegan Reuben sandwich (marinated tofu, sauerkraut & pickles) from Native Sun
• Music: A.A. Bondy's discography
• The colors red & pink

• Homemade falafel
• Tomato soup & avocado, white bean, & baby sprout sandwich, Community Loaves
• Soothing Face Mist + Balm Dot Com, Glossier
• Love is to Die, Warpaint (while watching ice-skating Russian beauties on mute)
• Vegan pizza with onions, kalamata olives & coconut cream/roasted garlic sauce.
• Le Spy Bodysuit, L'école des Femmes
• Fresh-squeezed orange juice
• Oven-roasted Japanese sweet potatoes with sliced avocado & lemon
• Raspberry Bleeding Heart doughnut & Blood Orange Bundt, Sweet Theory

• Tea made with lemon slices, ginger & mint
• Lingerie sets
  • All Tied Up set, Hanky Panky
  • Grace bodysuit, Agent Provocateur
  • Midori bodysuit, Lascivious
• Salads with romaine lettuce & sliced avocado
• Nude by Radiohead
• Cinnamon Sugar & Dirty Chai doughnuts, Sweet Theory
• Mango flavored jellies
• Spring & Summer time things
  • Pamela robe, Réalisation
  • Peaches & Plums
  • Iced coffee
  • Tiny Tan Lines bikini set, For Love & Lemons
  • Picnics

• refreshing complexion spray (made myself with witch hazel, tea tree oil & rosehip seed oil
• vegan brick oven pizza topped with vegan cheese, artichoke hearts, onions & roasted peppers from v's pizza
• vegan homemade peanut butter chocolate bars
• scents: fresh oregano, blooming jasmines
• instant wide film camera
• second hand doc marten chelsea boots
• films: your name (japan) & kedi (turkey)

i am anxiously hopping about recently, trying to calm my fleetingly jumpy thoughts. i am really seriously trying to eat well & take care of myself, selling my things so i can try & travel.

• vintage chanel gold chain choker
• forager lemon cashew yogurt
• 1999 vs mauve slip (found while thrifting)
• dreaming of lake tekapo, new zealand ✨
• white chocolate macadamia clif bar
• sinderella pumps, topshop
• garlic bread naan
• lullaby shampoo bar, lush cosmetics
• boston cream donut from sweet theory
• vintage brass nesting tables

• tofu scramble on toast w. sauteed mushrooms & onions
• baked beans
• oatmeal porridge
• chai lattes w. soya milk
• chickpea 'tuna' sandwiches
• roasted red pepper hummus w. carrot sticks
• red lentil dal w. homemade garlic naan
• sweet pepper & spinach tart • made vegan by using tofu to set instead of eggs
• pumpkin pie parfaits
• brookies
• raw brownies

• NYC, the second time around
  • union square green market: bustling with people, flowers & fresh fruit & veg everywhere.
  • kale salad at the butcher's daughter: massaged kale, fried onions, croutons, almond parm & avocado
  • thrift shopping: l train vintage & housing works are my favorites in the city
• skincare: really interested in making my skin healthier so i am having fun learning a lot about different ingredients & supplements.
• NYFW favorites: literally crying
  • vera wang
  • rodarte
  • coach
  • altuzarra
• cashewtopia raw vegan pistachio ice cream...

Brightening mask

• Plain yogurt or milk – 2 tsp
• Olive oil – 1 tsp
• Honey – 1 tsp
• Turmeric powder – ¼ tsp

Collagen drink

• Orange
• Grapefruit
• Lemon
• Baobab powder

Tbch I am pretty fucking fed up with everything. I am over it!!! Nothing is really going my way atm. Can life just ease the f up?

• Red carpet perfection
  • Elle Fanning's Met look & valentino cannes look
  • Lily-Rose Depp's Cannes la danseuse premier dress
  • Lorde's Met Gala look
• Rosewater
• Mediterranean vacation feel
  • sun hats
  • off-shoulder gauzy tops
  • french fishtail braids finished with thin satin bows
• Pomegranates
• Kiki's Delivery Service - ofc i've seen this countless times, but when i'm particu...

I am so down atm & can't get myself feeling optimistic. Need to get out of here, need to have hope in myself. I am extremely excited to fly out to NYC next week. I don't know, I feel like that trip might change things for me. Maybe my outlook, maybe I'll get even more bitten by the traveling bug. Either way, I want to roam the streets & look at beautiful art & share picnics with my beloved.

Beautiful things/things I may want:

• Carmen top, American Apparel
• A bouquet of roses
• The color red
• The compact Too Faced Love Flush comes in!
• ZIMMERMANN everything ♡
• I Love Juicy shampoo & Sex Bomb bath bomb, Lush Cosmetics

I'd love to:

• Dolce & Gabbana orange pattern tote
• Valentino's wispy galactic painted details from the pre-fall 2016 lookbook
• Constellation patterns in general!
• Canned organic coconut milk
  • Vanilla coconut pancakes
  • Coconut coffee creamer
  • Mango, banana, coconut milk & blueberry smoothie
• Sweater dresses
• Vegan Lasagna made with zucchini noodles & cashew ricotta
• 僕だけがいない街
• The sleeves on this Chanel Couture dress?!
• Croton plants

• Eating medjool dates while reading outside
• Couscous with tomato, cucumber, mint & avocado
• Creating outfit collections
• Stella Mccartney black hazel boot
• Dreaming of seeing van gogh & monet paintings once again
• Light-wash jeans
• Sliced tomato - topped with Himalayan salt & pepper - & vegan mayonnaise on mountain bread
• Turtleneck & mock-neck tops/sweaters
• The crescent moon & the stars (really want to use a telescope!)

• Oven-baked potato wedges with olive oil, curry powder & pepper
• Barn to home conversions, specifically lofts with exposed wooden beams
• Chloé lace-up boots
• Pita pocket sandwiches with spinach, baby kale & lemon
• London fogs made with soy milk & organic brown sugar
• Lush Cosmetics Full of Grace moisturizer
• French lime blossom perfume

• Zodiac dress, Réalisation
• Scrunchies
• Toasted baguette sandwich with horseradish mustard, arugula, romaine lettuce & Spanish olives
• Baseball caps
• Chocolate Latte, Brew Five Points
• Sunflowers
• Cardamom apple pie doughnut, Sweet Theory Baking Co.
• Cucumber & avocado sushi
• American Apparel
  • Classic Bodysuit
  • Aslan Sweater
  • Sofia Bodysuit
  • Stevie Top
  • Medium Wash High-Waist Jean

• are you am i things
  • riley baby tee
  • fine gold chain
• that honeysuckle bush in st. augustine
• homemaking coconut yogurt
• hu almond butter & puffed quinoa bar
• beets
• surratt lash curler
• cle cosmetics ccc cream
• taking pictures of the sunset
• 100% pure peach coconut bar soap
• apple cinnamon biscuit roll, sweet theory
• using castor oil to moisturize everything

replacing my feelings with things. replacing my thoughts with wishes. i am up i am down. i cannot get my emotions straight. i am bored yet feel no motivation to do anything about it. i am easily disappointed, is that how everyone is? what a defeated way to be. i should actively try to replace my short-comings with positive actions. i should really truly try. update: trying to keep busy. still not much motivation other than the drive i feel to bake & knead bread.

• lilou chain choker, AYAI
• vintage finds
  • chanel mary-jane heels
  • floral silk skirt
  • mid-century dresser
  • long blazer
• show: the x-files (in love with scully)
• large cardigans & turtleneck sweaters

• song: emotion by samantha sang & the bee gees
• vintage peach-colored japanese ceramic kitchen containers
• smoky red lentil quinoa & brown rice bowl, raw pumpkin pie, & raw chocolate ganache silk pie, present moment cafe in st. augustine, florida
• gingerbread latte, brew in riverside
• margiela ss17 headgear

(AVOID supplements with fillers like hydrogenated oils, artificial colors, magnesium stearate, titanium dioxide, maltodextrin + ascorbic acid in the ingredients)

• aloë vera: packed with amino acids. calms skin inflammation. perpetuates good digestion & a healthy gut
• astaxanthin: powerful antioxidant, can be used topically & orally for sun protection. contains anti-inflammatory properties. good for elasticity & to help reduce signs of aging. 2-8 mg/day.
• baobab: antioxidant & very high in vitamin C
• camu camu: high in anti-oxidants, more vitamin C than any other food, balances mood.
• ceramides: natural lipids found in the skin. effective in treating conditions like eczema & dry skin.
• chlorella & spirulina: algaes that contai...

• Eucalyptus branches in the shower
• Hanging pots with ivy plants
• A bookshelf with my books & my honeydew's records
• Fruit trees
  • Lemon
  • Orange
  • Plum
  • Peach
• Coffee table books
• Homemade neroli candles
• Framed paintings & art books
  • Takano Aya
  • Van Gogh
  • Monet
  • Shimoda Hikari
  • Margaret Howell Homes book
• Vinyl records

• Smoothie with honey mango, banana, & pear
• Oven-baked butternut squash & golden potatoes with thyme over lemon-zested white rice
• The way the sky changes during these Autumn sunsets
• Harmless Coconut water
• Lush Cosmetics Cup O' Coffee mask
• Chopin recorded on old cassettes
• Vintage shopping
  • Dreaming of Paris
  • Saint Laurent pants or suits!?
• Avocado sushi rolls
• Loafers

• Crepes with sliced bananas, date caramel & walnuts, sprinkled with powdered sugar
• Chocolate chip cookies
• Focaccia with spanish & kalamata olives & basil
• 'Cheese' biscuits with a mushroom & thyme gravy
• Lasagna with zucchini, spinach & cashew ricotta
• Salad with baby kale, olives & croutons (with a mint & lemon zest couscous?)
• Toasted multigrain with arugula, sliced avocado & black sesame seeds topped with lemon & olive oil
• Vanilla waffle with coconut whipped cream, slivered almonds, strawberries & chocolate drizzle
• maghmour: eggplant, fresh tomatoes, chickpeas
• fresh herb salad: tomatoes, red onion, dill & parsley
• steamed dumplings: ginger, garlic, vegetables

“I’ve always wanted to write a poem about the silence that hums between us when we kiss. But my heart is already beating too loud and the rain is falling and smudging all the words.”

• Natural Springs
  • Goldbug Hot Springs
  • Ichetucknee Springs
  • Fifth Water Hot Springs
• Sun-ripened dried apricots
• AYAI
  • Anouck mock neck
  • Cosette cardigan
  • Bella Sweater
  • Anais Dress
• Miyazaki film collection (!!!)
• Overalls
• Maple Syrup candle
• Maison Louis Marie Perfume Oil in No.05 Kandilli
• Karma Komba Shampoo Bar, LUSH Cosmetics
• Jeanne Damas