ohhhohoho... a topic i can really talk about.

history-- a lot of relationships in high school, some in uni, and now nothing... for now. in such a short time, i learned a lot about relationships. i guess this one goes out to all you people i've had a relationship with, and all the people that have asked me for advice.

• no response is a response

if they don't respond, it means that they don't want to respond. when people don't want to respond, then it means there's something wrong, they're hiding something... and no, it's not because they're busy, because they could make time to talk to you even if they were busy. anyone can spare one minute to say "hey, how're you doing".

• you can't just date anyone aka looks do matter, forget your fairy tales

i used to think that anyone was dateable. you might never imagine the guy you're gonna date-- they may be uglier than what you thought, shorter, maybe even out of the mold the rest of your significant others have been. then i dated one guy who was out of the mold, and i thought at first, "it's okay, he's quite funny". and then, "oh shit, his culture's different from mine..." and i couldn't get used to the fact that he did a lot of things that were deemed pretty rude in my culture. and then "he has so much acne!!" which made me think he was pretty disgusting... and at the end, "he's too clingy!" and that didn't work out well.

and then i dated someone who had the right looks but had a completely different social background than i did, and that also was pretty bad. i couldn't help him with monetary problems, i couldn't help him with family problems, and i couldn't interact with his friends because i wasn't the same kind of person as them.

• long distance relationships are pretty much impossible

with long distance relationships, you can call however much, you can instant message, you can webcam all you like... but in the end it always slowly dies down because lack of interaction face to face with the other person. unless you can consistently spend time with that person who's so far away, you don't have much of a chance.

• no matter how much time you spend with someone else, it won't make them love you

i have a friend who's liked me for a while, and i have never once thought of him as boyfriend material. don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy, but just... not my type. at all. on the other hand, i have a friend who's quite attractive, and even if i spent time with him, he didn't like me in return. i guess i'm not his type at all.

• guys are supposed to pay for everything, but it doesn't mean they will and it doesn't mean that it makes it feel right

in my first couple relationships, i or my family paid for everything. after talking to people, i found out... that's not normal! for the girl to pay for stuff. well, it's not like things went my way... the other thing is that other times i feel uncomfortable with people spending a lot on me, so i feel like that's irrational. in the end, i do end up paying for these things, and i'm not sure how it should be anymore.

• you can't be friends with your ex's anymore

most of my ex's don't talk to me at all anymore. i'm not even sure if they remember me. let's see the tally--

• 2 don't talk to me
• 1 disappeared off the face of the earth
• 2 blocked me
• 1 only talks to me when i talk to him, and it's more of me carrying a conversation with myself
• 1 i told him never to talk to me again and i'm still scared of him

so no matter how much i wish i could check up on these people, there's a high probability that that's somewhere i can't go anymore.

• no matter how much effort you put into a relationship, you won't get the same level of effort back

no two people love exactly the same way. so maybe you're giving it your all and want it to last, but in the end... is the other person trying anywhere near that? no? then you have yourself a dead-end relationship. it'll end, soon. i have written letters, spent countless hours waiting for someone to come online, and had so many crying episodes on the phone, and in the end, it was all a waste.

• if you don't feel that initial attraction, you can't force it-- it may well not come ever

i dated a guy that i didn't especially like, but he liked me a lot. i told myself, "wait a month, you'll like him later", but it turned out badly. so many things about him clashed with my beliefs and how i wanted things to be... i waited one, two months and eventually after a lousy birthday i decided i had enough of this lousy relationship that i didn't even want in the first place!