• people's need to protect their love--> sense of other people potentially stepping in
• little things set it off
• not envy-- envy is generalized sense of wanting what one doesn't have
  • ex) someone who has a trophy wife --> envious of what you lack (p. 29-30, green eyed monster)
• jealousy is about being scared of what you have being taken away from you
  • ex) your best friend starts talking more with other people --> you will be scared to lose their friendship "jealousy"
• men and women have something to lose from relationship
  • women get resources and protection for child --> infidelity leads to a loss of resources/protection/commitment/time/energy
  • men get offspring --> infidelity leads to not passing on the genes
• lack of it leads one to infer that they are not loved --> correct [detection of a partner's commitment to you]
• used to stimulate interest from a current partner who seems to be lacking

dangerous snake-- p. 75 error management

shirley glass

-----

• people form relationships with other people based on three things. proximity and physical attractiveness are more important short term, similarity in long term
  • proximity how close is the other person to you. the closer they are the easier it is to fall for someone.
  • similarity how similar are they in terms of personality. we tend to like more similar people, although some people need people of opposite personality traits [need complementarity vs. need compatibility]
  • physical attractiveness how attractive someone is.
• liking vs. loving-- rubin's tests
  • women love more than they are loved
  • love has
    • caring desire to help the other person, particularly when help is needed
    • attachment need to be with other person
    • intimacy sense of empathy and trust that comes from close communicatoin and self-disclosure to and from another.
• ancient times, men and women were looking for different things in a relationship >> modern times still applicable
  • men looking for attractiveness
    • ability to produce healthy offspring
  • women looking for resources and ability to protect/provide
    • rich, caring "romantic" men
• in order to keep from being fooled [men: women having sex with other people, having their offspring. women: men giving their resources and time to other women, not benefiting their offspring] >> jealousy
• reflected in modern day >>
  • men feel more hurt by sexual infidelity
  • women feel more hurt by emotional infidelity
• jealousy picks up on signals of infidelity so then you can remain with your partner and not be gypped [waste time, resources]