hi, happy birthday. i felt like i should bring back that annual thing where i send you a birthday letter at exactly 00:00 on your special day, so here it goes. i’ve thought about a lot ever since we reconciled a few days ago, especially since i haven’t gotten the chance to sit down and actually have the courage to reface the past. even when i first opened your message last week, i think i was too stunned to sit through the thoughts that i’ve been avoiding for the past year. i’ve thought about so much but at the end of the day, i came to this conclusion that i don’t really know how to process any of my thoughts regarding our past anymore. truthfully, i realized that many of the things we went through weren’t picture perfect but it truly must mean something if we are able to make space for one another in each other’s lives over and over again. what i’m trying to say, i think, is that we have both grown too much over time to try and make sense of what happened back then. the only thing that matters is that there’s still something in our unconscious minds that makes us accept each other in our lives again and we don’t have try to make much sense of it. maybe our brains are just wired that way and the human mind is too complex to understand. in the long run, we both made the choice to give each other another chance and the best we can do is put in the effort to make the best out of what we have now. i remember constantly asking myself why you were never the person to make a promise of our future because i had these unrealistic expectations in my head that i could make us last and refused to let that hope go, but i’ve come to realize that i was the one who was too young and immature to understand your mindset back then. with the amount of time that has passed, i've come to a point where i am truly able to understand you a lot better now and the things you said were just realistic rather than something personal against me. i now agree that making promises for the future is simply nothing more than a headache and we shouldn’t exert so much energy on trying to make things last forever. so, whatever the hell happens to us in the future, that’s the least of our worries and we can just focus on enjoying the time we have together now. you no longer owe me anything and i don't want you to feel the need to live up to your word and actually stay this time if it's for me and not for yourself. i just need you to prioritize yourself. your needs and feelings come first.

i don’t know if any of that even made sense, but my point is that i want you to focus on healing for no one but yourself and i’ll just be there to support you. you said something along the lines of holding yourself accountable for the rest of your life, but i don't know if that's something that would make me feel better. you deserve to take it easy on yourself and that's honestly all i want to ask from you. at the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone anything, not even me. save all of your energy and use it to make up for the things that you couldn’t do for yourself back then rather than trying to make things up for me. on that note, i’m really proud of you for how far you’ve come and i’m even prouder of you for trying to get better because i know how much courage that takes. i really do believe that people are never naturally shitty human beings. it’s more so that our past experiences shape us, which most of the time are out of our control. what we’re in control of is that we can make the effort to heal from those past experiences, which is what you’re doing at the moment and it’s amazing. don’t forget that you’re not alone in this healing process and i’m always here if you feel like giving up in the middle. you just have to grow at your own pace. you can lean on me when life starts to feel overwhelming again. your existence holds great significance to the people around you and our lives wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t here with us. you make your loved ones’ lives better and more meaningful just by existing. you honestly add so much value to our lives and you are a valuable person to all of us.

you’re beyond wonderful and i hope that one day, you’ll come to realize that you are someone more than just your negative thoughts and views of yourself. enjoy every last bit of your day today and make it all about you. happy birthday.