an introduction to your letter.

• happy 2?st birthday to my everything, my reason to wake up every morning, my other half, and my number one love (and only love) who means more to me than anyone or anything in the whole world, min. i'm not sure if you'll be able to read this letter on time, but i didn't think it would hurt for me to dedicate a little gift to you on your special day that comes around once a year. after all, you're turning a year older and i want you to remember that your existence is a million times more meaningful than a mere blessing to everyone. i might not be able to tell how old you’re turning this year, but that doesn’t make this day any less important to me. what matters most is that you made it this far. can you believe more than twenty years have passed since you were first born? and no matter how difficult your path was, you didn’t give up and found reasons to keep fighting. thank you for not letting go and staying with each and every one of your loved ones, and ultimately, me of all people. thank you for being someone’s best brother, someone’s best son, someone’s best friend, and of course, more than just the best boyfriend i could’ve ever asked for. thank you for getting out of bed and facing the new challenges in your life, despite the dark thoughts that mess with you even before the day can officially start. you might think words can only be words, but i’m pouring my heart into this as i scribble away. i’m actually jotting down my thoughts two days earlier before it's officially your birthday because you haven't been here and i can't even grasp how hard it's been for you lately, how hard it must've been that you're drowning in your thoughts all alone, how hard it must've been that you're isolating yourself for this long. i should be focusing on my work, but i can't find a way to get myself together when seeing you in pain is killing me inside. i can only imagine what it's like for you. if i could switch places with you and go through that pain on your behalf, i wouldn't hesitate to say yes. you haven't left my mind since you sent me a goodnight text so abruptly the other day and i wish i could do something to protect you from your demons and make your pain subside even just the slightest. i wish i could be your shoulder to lean on when times like this are keeping you up at night. right now, all i want to do is hold you and remind you that i'll always be with you. i want to squeeze you in my arms and never let you go. even if i can't be there with you physically and you've been in need of personal space, i'm thinking of you every second of the day and praying that only the very best comes your way. i really just hope you're taking care of yourself no matter how rough things have been for you.