How do I even start this? What is this, a letter? Can I put in words my state of mind right now? My shoulder blades are shaking as my eyes are ripping in tears, they're streaming down my face as I keep thinking about you and your state of mind.

My chest is heavy as pictures of you, that my silly mind likes to imagine I captured, are traveling in my sight. I'm blind because of the cheerful love you make me feel and because of the painful absence of you, at the same time. It overwhelms my heart, making bubbles pop as teardrops.

The ice cold skin of mine gets warm by the details of you, nonetheless the ice cold night holds me tight as a friendly reminder of your scary reality — I feel your fears right here, they come to me in echoes during my diving in the deep waters of infinity. As the selfish, horrible creature I consider myself to be, I wanted to feel the happiness only, however, the strong wind called you cut my face in tiny cuts, freezing the blood before it coagulates.

You are not a breeze, Hoseok, and after a while you drop the concept of being wind. Your proud self doesn't like to be called a swirl, either. You are a fucking powerful hurricane, you must know that inside you, somewhere between the feelings of determination and the phobia you have of failing.

You are not alone, Hoseok, you have never been and never will be. The tiny piece of peace rushing through your veins even in the dark rooms with locked doors comes from the highest construction of blissful presence. I am aware of you in every way possible and it hurts you aren't aware of anything.

It is damn good to give you everything and toxic to receive broken glass under my feet, but this is all for you; I'd walk miles and miles on these broken glasses for you. And I have been trying to tell you the truth, as I'm supposed to: you deserve better than this shit, you are made of pure and expensive porcelain, glass just doesn't make you.

How can I stop the bomb that is encrusted in my guts? Time is ticking. Metaphors help me figure us out, even when I am sure no one will ever understand the depth of you inside me, why do they have to know, anyway?

We are like the sea and the Sun, at the end of the day, I see my poor self hidden in your infinity as you always end up swallowing the heat of my doubts.

It doesn't matter who is the Sun or who is the sea, in our colors we switch between roles. However, if someone has to be the light, it will always be you.