NAMROF's listography
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grew up to be Squidward, Daria, and a sufferer of resting bitch face. Great sense of humor but often in poor taste. Dead but delicious.

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  • Q: How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
  • A: You look for the Fresh Prince.

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  • Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out.

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  • Yo mama is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.

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  • Q: Why did the toilet paper have trouble crossing the road?
  • A: It met too many cracks along the way.

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  • Q: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
  • A: addict-tionary or high definition

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  • Q: How does a penguin build its house?
  • A: Igloos together

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  • Q: What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
  • A: Roberto

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  • Q: What type of computer sings?
  • A: A dell.

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  • Q: Have you ever tried eating a clock?
  • A: It's very time consuming.

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  • Q: What do you call a vertically challenged person who's escaped from a high security prison and can commune with the dead?
  • A: A small medium at large.

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  • Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
  • A: You may have graduated but I've got hundreds of degrees.

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  • She wants the D... orbital. She's transition metal.

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  • Q: What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
  • A: sneakers

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  • Q: What does a nosy pepper do?
  • A: It gets jalapeño business.

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  • Q: What does Batman get in his drinks?
  • A: Just ice.

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  • Q: How is imitation like a plateau?
  • A: They're both the highest form of flat-ery.

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  • Q: Where do pencils go on vacation?
  • A: Pencil-vania

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  • Q: What do elves learn in school?
  • A: The elf-abet

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  • Q: Why does an ant never get sick?
  • A: Because they have ANTibodies

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  • Q: What type of furniture plays music?
  • A: A rocking chair.

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  • Geologists are important for our understanding of rocks on Earth and on other planets. So never take them for granite.

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  • Q: What room does a ghost not need in its house?
  • A: living room

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  • Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
  • A: Nectarine or Blood Orange

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  • Q: Where do you go if you want to get a small Pepsi?
  • A: Minnesota

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  • Q: Are you a parking ticket?
  • A: Because you've got "fine" written all over you.

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  • Q: How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
  • A: As mushroom as possible.

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  • I hate how controlling gravity is. Like it tries to exert itself on everyone.

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  • Q: What did the chromosome say to his sister when he lost his toe?
  • A: Where is Mitosis?

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  • I’m a really down to earth girl because, you know, gravity.

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  • Intro: If corals get stressed they die, so if I were a coral I would be dead.
  • Q: What do coral even get stressed about?
  • A: current events

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  • Q: When is the best time to go to the dentist?
  • A: tooth hurty

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  • Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  • A: a fish

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  • A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

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  • Q: What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
  • A: beer

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  • Q: What do you say when you're comforting a grammar Nazi?
  • A: There, Their, They're

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  • Q: What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in the chimney?
  • A: Claustrophobia

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  • Q: What do you call a sleep walking nun?
  • A: A roamin' Catholic

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  • 1st person: It's disgusting how many dirty habits you have.
  • 2nd person: THE NUNS PAY ME GOOD MONEY TO DO THEIR LAUNDRY OK???

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  • Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
  • A: no eye deer

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  • singing in the style of Wham "Last Christmas" - "Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day your body rejected the transplant and you died."

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  • I don't know how people get eaten by sharks. I mean, how do you not hear the music?

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  • Q: How do you organize a space party?
  • A: You planet

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  • Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
  • A: An impasta

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  • Q: What's hot inside and red all over?
  • A: A baby in a microwave

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  • Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
  • A: Depends on how hard you throw them

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  • Q: Why aren’t sheep funny?
  • A: Because they only tell baaaaaad jokes...

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  • "I just need some space." - typical astronaut breakup

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  • If I were a DJ, I'd name myself DJ Enzyme because I'm always breaking it down.

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  • It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

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  • Chemists do it on the table. Periodically.

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  • Q: What's the cheapest kind of meat?
  • A: deer balls because they're under a buck

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  • Q: Why is the bullet unemployed?
  • A: because he got fired

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  • It would be brilliant to use chromosomes in advertising, because, you know, sex cells.

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  • Astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours so they decided to call it a day

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  • Q: What do you call an exploding monkey?
  • A: a baboooooooom

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  • Your momma is so smelly the garbage company called and said they want their can back.

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  • Your momma's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles the traffic slows down.

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  • Your momma is so fat that when she walked past the TV I missed 3 episodes.

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  • Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
  • A: I don't know and I don't care.

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  • Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
  • A: because the pee is silent

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  • Q: What is a pirate's favorite subject?
  • A: Arrrrrrrt

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  • Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
  • A: a belly button

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  • If a plant is sad, will other plants photosympathize with it?
  • "Hey, I chlorofeel you bro."

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  • Q: What did the ocean say to the sand?
  • A: Nothing. It just waved.

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  • Q: What did one eye say to the other?
  • A: Between you and me, something smells.

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I tried telling my friends some chemistry jokes but I didn't get any reaction

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  • Q: How much does a polar bear weigh?
  • A: Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm (insert name)

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dec 25 2012 ∞
aug 3 2018 +
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