bcs im luv him mama! i rlly do :)

• he's forgetful. he forgets birthdays, anniversaries and all sorts of other things.
• despite that though he always makes up for it. forgetting an important date always makes him feel bad and he really tries his best to make up for it.
• he tends to forget things because he zones out a lot. he's super focused on everything within his own world and he really tries to do his best for the few people he lets in but it's hard sometimes.
• his sleep schedule is absolutely wrecked. it's not because he's a 'gamer' but often times he'll be up late trying to figure syndicate stuff or w/e out. he gets frustrated sometimes and he just wishes things weren't the way they were. he's angry. the whole world feels like it's up against him but all he wants is the pieces of him that have been lost.
• he tries hard not to think that parts of him have been 'lost' exactly. he thinks about how he can't be the man he was before the apex games sometimes but truly inside himself he wishes that he could go back to that. he misses the stability of the life he used to have.
• he can't have photos of mila or anything to do with tae joon park anywhere so he's started forgetting her face and her voice. it scares the crap out of him and he tries to remember her as much as he can. it's difficult though.
• sometimes he'll show up on the drop ship and look fucked up. dark bags under his eyes, lips dry and cracked with his hair greasy. no one can ask what's wrong because he won't respond. he plays the game and does his job because that's all he can manage sometimes.
• his eyesight is worsening. the amount he looks at screens and you think it wouldn't? you're nuts. his prescription glasses don't work nearly as well as they used to and he needs to get new ones.
• he lives in pajamas. yes he has literally one other outfit and it's just an oversized jacket and a shirt (sometimes) but he has a collection of pajama pants. they're comfortable for him and time isn't really real when you're stuck staring at a screen as much as you can.
• he gets really dizzy before he sleeps bcs of how much he looks at his computer/repairing electronics.
• dehydrated mf. is the type of person who would download one of those apps that reminds you to drink water and then clears his notifications and tells the app to 'fuck off' everytime he is reminded.
• natalie sends him self care products! he doesn't use them all the time but one time she bought him these eye-pack masks that were made of rubber to go under his eyes and he really liked them. all the little things she gives to him are kept in a small cupboard. he appreciates her endlessly.
• barely leaves the house obviously. he's heavily paranoid. this means that things like getting groceries and ordering food can be really difficult. since he's been on the run he hasn't ordered takeout food. sometimes when his mental health really declines other legends will take food to his house or people like natalie/octane/gibraltar will go grocery shopping for him.
• because he never orders food he's become pretty good at cooking. mila and tae joon used to order food a lot because it was easier but now that he's alone he's figured that it's a good idea to learn to cook. he doesn't eat 3 meals a day with 2 snacks between meals or whatever but he always makes sure he gets 1 full meal in. he understands that he can decline but there's a limit to everything. he's mature and understands that basic needs like sleep and food are necessary for success.
• he aches a lot. he claims that it isn't because he's old but because he's hunched over all the time. both can be seen as true answers though.
• the small amounts of interactions he has with other legends are good. they keep him grounded. he doesn't trust a lot of people so that can make normal conversations hard for him but the small exchanges he does have mean the world to him. yes this includes mirage, no this doesn't include caustic.
• deep down he has big dreams. once this nightmare is over he knows that nothing will be the same, yet something in him hopes. he tries to crush it, to erase the dreams of living as a normal-ish person again because he knows it's a dead end. normal life at this point would never work for him; however his heart still wishes. he feels angry about this sometimes. not many things apart from mila will make him tear up, but remembering that he will never be able to pick up where he left off is one of those things.