PEOPLE WHO WALK SLOW

• i swear to God that EVERYTIME i'm in Target or Payless or, to be honest, really ANY grocery-esque store there is ALWAYS some asshole walking -45mph. and it wouldn't be so bad if these people casually strolled to EITHER side of the aisle, but NO, they somehow maneuver in a way that takes up the entire aisle -- and if they aren't doing it by emplying some sort of airforce zigzag pattern style walking (as if they are well aware you are trying to pass them), they are doing it by sheer size.

INDECISIVE PEOPLE

• i'm not talking about life or death matters. i'm talking about things like toothpaste or shampoo or something else equally unimportant. my aunt will spend about 15 minutes staring at the different types of toothepastes and sometimes i just want to yell, "MAY I REMIND YOU THAT IT IS MOTHERFUCKING TOOTHPASTE?" but i don't, because i am a kind soul, and THEN after staring for 3 hours she picks the same one she ALWAYS gets. what is the point? woah run on sentence.

PEOPLE WHO ASK QUESTIONS DURING MOVIES

• and no, i'm not talking about the equally unacceptable questions like, "did you see that?" (no, i didn't, i was looking at the OTHER mammoth fucking screen, thanks.) i'm talking about questions like, "Does she know her sister is dead yet?" and "Did he tell her such and such is going with so and so?" . Uh, while i'm flattered that you think my mind is receiving the flick faster than yours i'm going to have to burst your bubble and say that the movie is playing at the same fucking rate for me as it is for you. so if you didn't see it happen--chances are that IT DIDN'T. shocking, i know.
• on ANOTHER movie note, I realize that maybe you aren't smart and didn't pee before the movie...but please don't punish me for it by distracting me from the movie and asking, "What did I miss." friend, you missed like 3 minutes of story...sucks to be you!
• SORRY another movie one. people who talk about USELESS things during movies should be SHOT. I don't want to hear about what strange noise your laptop is making while i am trying to enjoy Robert Downey Jr. On a related note: I honestly do not care if the dog on screen looks KIND OF like your dog. Chances are i've already made that connection 10 minutes prior, now shut the fuck up.

NOSY PEOPLE

• when you look over my shoulder and ask, "Hey whatcha writing?" i may say "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, thanks." and then proceed to write shit about how you irritate me, congrats!

PEOPLE WHO LIKE SHITTY MUSIC

• if you ever ask me a question like, "hey do you have any Tupac?" or "hey do you have any Ricky Martin?" i will tell you , "No, but i do have some GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR NOW, thanks."

REPEATING MYSELF

• amen.