okay, this one's not going to be a list, but i thought it would be best to keep it on my listography to make it easy to link to on my kin list. this is specifically an attempt at explaining what i've been calling "the clearsight situation," due to the fact that i'm not really sure what's happening here either.

the short version is that, in at least one of my two lives as moon, when i was asleep, i had access to information that i absolutely should not have had, even with my "abilities". i forgot the vast majority of the dreams in which that information actually came up immediately upon waking, but i can remember a lot of them now. (remembering previously forgotten dreams is an ongoing thing with all my kins, i don't know why but i've come to just accept it at this point.) a few seem to have been memories from my lives as yellowfang and leafpool, but a lot were either prophetic dreams that i can only assume revealed "too much" or actual memories, complete with details that i can verify as being things i really shouldn't have known about.

(regarding the prophetic dreams, i actually remember shifting between different possible timelines during their course, trying to "pick" one beyond just the path of least resistance, which was usually all i could see anything from, to focus on in my waking hours. in the course of those dreams, i sometimes made decisions that were extremely out of character for me but would've made sense coming from clearsight. other times, i did the opposite. this is where the haunting theory came from- there were also dreams that i *did* remember that were very clear warnings (very thinly veiled as metaphors) about decisions i was about to make (most of which i made anyways, because i was a stubborn bitch, and usually ended up regretting). almost all of these decisions are decisions that i happen to know that clearsight also made, one way or another.)

i don't know what caused this, and i'm not too set on finding out - quite frankly, i have better things to do with my time - but, since i can't quickly summarize the situation, i felt that it would be misleading to even put clearsight on my kin list without a note explaining what i do understand, because the fact is that the link i have to her is distinctly different from any other.

if i was being haunted, i was being shown things that only clearsight could've known, maybe in hopes that they'd carry through in the moments when i really needed them. if i had been reincarnated, a barrier existed between who i was and who i had been that i don't even have now with the lives i remember least. i don't even know that i believe in hauntings in any sense of the word, and i never felt that there was substantial evidence that reincarnation was possible (in the sense of being reincarnated into the same world - although i can't say i blindly accept *any* theory of reincarnation, frankly). i'm comfortable putting clearsight on my extended kin list because i had a certain understanding of her that i think warrants the label, even if it's a bit imprecise. if i'm going to put kin lives under the same subheading as my fictive lives, i may as well put her in there as well. but there is a difference, and i wanted to make that clear, for myself and others.

(i also wanted to get my thoughts in order in a way that would make sense to somebody that isn't me, even though my general assumption is that nobody is reading my listography in the first place. i keep this page for me, i make it accessible to others both because it's the general custom in the online communities i'm closest to and because i personally enjoy it. this listography is my ultimate "autism won today" moment. if you actually read all this, congratulations ! you've exceeded my expectations several times over. you also might want to look into getting a hobby or finding a new podcast to listen to or something, though. not a criticism, just a statement. but thank you for bothering, genuinely. i really do appreciate it.)