• he's suffering from what almost feels like heartbreak if he didn't know better after the initiation, and he hasn't seen his girl in weeks.....he doesn't know. she's a loose end he doesn't know what's going to happen to them for once he doesn't know anything anymore.
• and then this other girl, she starts sliding up on him, into his lap, all up on him, all over him
• in the past he has told her. he never let that other word pass his lips but after she pressed him about it and he fell silent, trying to find a way of saying it without saying it and then he told her: 'you......you are.....' '.......' 'you, are....._everything_ to me'. and he doesn't know if it's maybe the way he sounds so helpless underneath it all, like saying the right words is beyond him and it is, or maybe she has taken pity on him, or maybe she has just given up but for now at least she accepts this and takes him back into her arms. at least. one more time.
• so this other girl, she gets all up on him like this

http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww350/madasyakko/gifs/359g1hw.gif and he doesn't know what she's doing and he doesn't really care he doesn't care about anything anymore and she's all over him licking him biting him kissing him and he is still, he is silent, he is blank, he is cold; and then reaching down she grabs a hold of him and he draws breath in sharply through his teeth as she starts to massage. and wouldn't it be so wonderful, to let go, after so long ........... ?

• that girl, she told him that she would have him before, and he simply gazed back at her glazed over eyes, somewhat dispassionately before turning his attention to something more interesting. like his sandwich.
• and now he isn't exactly reciprocating the strong feelings of lust which she's sending no throwing at him but she has him, finally, not by the heart but by the balls, crude yes but true, because she will never get his heart no matter how hard she tries no matter how hard because his heart isn't his he has no heart if he had one ever he can't remember if he did then he has lost it or left it accidentally at gwen's house (even her name is painful to think about) and found that he doesn't much want or care to have it back
• because how could he love her ever how could she delude herself how could he ever love someone something so twisted and he may be the same thing that she is now almost all the way actions speak louder than words nobody cares what your intentions are and that's fine because he hates her he hates himself too everything he hates it all hates everything.
• she's blonde. her name is crystal.
• or annabelle. or something. he doesn't really remember.
• one of the times he first meet gwen after being bitten, he will smell her. just smell her and realise all the new and different yet familiar things about herself that he could not smell before all of the lovely undertones and in heaven there are bells ringing