• 05.28

I am terrified of connection, of being so vulnerable in a perceivable way, and yet I crave intimacy and love and affection like the selfish creature I am. what cruelty have I been subjected to which makes me this way? what cruelty is this that I cannot even name the fear that dwells in my stomach every time that someone says something I have longed to hear for ages?

perhaps I am too picky, greedy, selfish. or perhaps I have open wounds from those which I thought were supposed to be perfect for me which then betrayed me. Maybe I gave too much and paid the price for it. All of these should be lessons which I should learn not to repeat, so why instead do they fester inside me and seek to plague what should be my better future?