I really hope one day I can clear out the gutter in my mind that's clogged with failed connections. I am my own person, capable of many great things, but I am constantly reminded of what has been done to me and vice versa. most thoughts I can overcome, but what is hard is the way that certain ideas, things, objects, and places become just barely tainted with the past. I want to enjoy these things, and I should. every so often, I almost want to throw a tantrum because it just feels unfair. why is life this way that I must be the one to pick myself up and heal after what has happened? especially when I just want to enjoy just this one thing? then, though, I do just that. pick myself up and heal. because that is just how life is. and one day I'll pick myself up again for the last time and heal completely. I cannot wait for that day to come, and I know that it will.