• NEW YEARS EVE I don’t care if we go big or stay home, as long as we get to make out at midnight.
• VALENTINE’S DAY I don’t care. No, really. It’s a bullshit Hallmark holiday. There’s no need for candy, flowers, or anything cheesy. Let's just watch a movie, preferably one with explosions.
• BIRTHDAY BLUES When I say I don’t want anything and am going to skip celebrating this year, whatever you do, don’t believe me.
• ANGRY BIRDS Make for angry women. Put that stupid game down and play with me instead!
• KISS ME ON THE FUCKING LIPS. Yep. It’s that simple.
• CLIMATE CONTROL Don’t you dare touch that fucking thermostat! I am a delicate flower and you pee on trees. Adapt.
• DON’T USE THE PHRASE, “I GOTTA BE HONEST.” It means that you’re usually lying, and about to be an asshole.
• ED HARDY ANYTHING Over my dead body.
• WE “We” are not pregnant. “I” am pregnant. Saying that “we” are pregnant when I’m the one carrying and birthing the baby is sort of like me cooking you Mexican food and then claiming that “we” have gas.
• GOING TO BED ANGRY Fuck that weak shit. We’re gonna stay up and fight.
• DON'T BELIEVE ME when I say don't come/I'm fine if someone important to me is sick and in the hospital. You better come and be there for me.
• CHIVALRY For the record, that shit goes both ways. You hold the door for me, and I let you eat off my plate.
• THE STATE OF OUR HOME If we’re not having anyone over, my clothes are probably gonna be all over the floor. You’re more than welcome to join me.
• A RATIONAL, INTELLIGENT ARGUMENT I don’t mind having one. I don’t even mind losing one. I only mind if you don’t know how to make one.
• A WEDDING is a celebration of marriage, not an excuse for a huge party with 300 people we rarely talk to.

Credit to here with some minor changes