- i have anxiety & crowdy places / groups of people that i don't know scares me a lot. so please be gentle with me & if you can try to present me in those groups or at your friends i would be really thankful.
- i get attached to people "easily", so please don't betray me & if you want to back stabbing me, at least tell me we are not friends anymore & give me an explanation, because i don't want to suffer for people who doesn't talk to me anymore without knowing why.
- my ex boyfriend cheated on me after 6 years of our relationship. i became less ' loving giving ' after that & i don't trust people easily. just please, please i beg you, don't cheat on me ( nor as a friend / nor as boyfriend ). please this is the only thing i'm really, REALLY scare of. please don't do this. this is also relate to my light "morbid jealousy" tho, i'm not that possessive with my partner or friends in general, yet sometimes i can be very rude.
- i isolate myself a lot from people. not answering messages to my friends very often. it's normal for me & i don't do this because you made me angry or because i don't like you. it's just me being okay with peace & silence. sometimes ( most of the times ), i just need to be alone & talk maybe to some trusted ones. if we are friends & i don't reply to you don't think you are doing something wrong, you are okay but i tend to deal with my problems alone or i tend to open with the friends i really know i can trust.
- i was cheated on again by a person i trusted very much & who i gave my own heart. this april i found out this person has been a relationship with their s/o for a month or so & we were still in touch & of course in a relationship as we didn't clear nor stopped it cuz both of us were still in love with each other. however this april i went into a depression state, i had to take pills, anti stress pills, i had to go & talk to a psychologist & i had to force myself into eating, tho i lost weight & every time i tried to eat i couldn't cuz my stomach didn't wanna get the food in. so basically i spent 2 weeks throwing up & eating only pills to calm myself down. i cried a lot & right now i'm still not sure about what to think nor i'm sure if i'm healing. for so long i wanted to go to that person & talk to them as sometimes i even miss them but that would be such a stupid shit to do at this point. i'm not proud of this, nor about the fact i trusted someone who back stabbed me like that. so about this whole story, i won't give my heart easily from now on. it's gonna take more time with me & if i don't see you caring then i won't waste my time. i know, maybe i became cold hearted, maybe i don't even know how to love or how to act as someone really loved. i'm sorry if i sound sometimes distant or act silent towards you, but i'm not doing okay & probably i won't ever be okay. i will try my best to give you support & love & to give you everything u need to go on, but don't expect more than that.
- around 12 / 15 years old i almost commited suicide due to bullying. i've been abused with psychological violence & i wanted to kill myself with some pills ( firstly then i reached for scissors. luckily my mother came in that day when i decided to give up & helped me out, taking me to therapy & supporting me as much as she could ). now of course i'm fine & this is just a bad memory of mine that i overcome & that i don't think about anymore. i'm okay now & i'm living a good life despite everything.
apr 2 2017 ∞
apr 13 2018 +