spring and summer

• I want to work on resetting my nervous system. I'm constantly in fight/flight/freeze mode, always under pressure and my cortisol levels are through the roof. It's tricky because I'll need to find a good balance between over- and understimulation. I get bored as easily as overwhelmed. So far, top-down approaches haven't really served me very well (I tend to intellectualise my feelings) which is why I want to try a few bottom-up methods:
  • get in contact with my feelings, learn how to identify and express them in a healthy way
  • somatic therapy, bodywork: Somatic experiencing. Research: Toxic Shame / blog
  • intuitive movement, dance class
  • learn more about breathwork
• Go on a Vipassana retreat and keep meditating daily.
• Do volunteer work abroad.
• Consider coaching.
• #dopaminedetox / MORE: exercise, playing with a pet, reading, drawing or painting, calling a loved one, meditating, volunteering, journalling / LESS: mindless scrolling, social media, TV, emotional eating, shopping.

once I'm back in Munich

• Be very careful what to bring back to my apartment. I need to get rid of clothes and books.
• Get help or seek community. Remember that you're not alone. I figured out that I've been running in the wrong direction all my life. I've always wanted to become independent. Not need anyone. I didn't want to be responsible for anyone or anything, be considerate of others. Relationships have caused a lof of pain in my life but by running away from them I was never able to learn how to be with others. I've achieved what I always wanted - yet it's such a lonely place. I've got no roots. I don't belong. I crave connection. Which is why I'm going to do something this year I've always avoided: I'm going to find a community. Join clubs. Commit to something. I'll chat up new people even though it's scary but what do I have to lose. Some ideas: dating/networking events, language cafés, join a gym, the Munich Burn community, find a DnD group, host a party once in a while. Meet for Pub Quiz regularly. Perhaps I'll be able to find some kind of spiritual/healing/yoga/mediation community as well... for example, I could attend a meeting at the Buddhist Temple. Someone said it's nice. And of course I'm going back to my choir.
• Figure out what to do with my inheritance. My best idea so far: buy a house with a garden. Close to the forest. Get a cat? I'd love to have a cat.
• Get back to good habits: Daily exercise, journalling, meditation. Healthy food, supplements (take care of protein/omega3/vitamin D and B12 intake, take psyllium husks, do some research on creatin and ashwaganda, try protein powder in porridge). Start taking my hair and skin care more serious again. Gua Sha. Yoga, swimming, walks in the forest.
• Get a coffee machine, a new magic wand and a lava lamp. Stock up on great skin and hair care. Get a new pillow and a record player.
• Get a hair cut. Surprise myself. I don't owe anyone pretty. Look into hair oiling (manula oil; Tigi Bed Head hair stick for flyaways).
• Make art. It can be bad. But I need to do something with my hands. Painting soothes me. I never realise until I'm doing it so I keep putting it off.