I'm sure I will be grateful for this year at some point in my life. It taught me a lot, it gave my a glimpse of what I could have and then took it all away from me. So yeah. I will appreciate it, for bringing me to where I am. One day. But all I can do right now is lie on the floor crying, cursing and feeling really sorry for myself. Not my proudest or most graceful moment but I'm SO over it.

• RELEASE - What did you let go of this year? Half of the stuff I own is still in my old flat / my gran's garage. And I don't miss anything. I should probably sell most of these things over the summer and be done with it. Owning less feels very liberating and makes the prospect of moving a little more desirable. Fortunately I could also let go of some obsessing and stressing about my job since autumn (actually I should care even less next year). But I also feel like I lost some friends, some joy, a great part of myself and of hopefulness. I had to let go of love, for others and for myself.
• ACCOMPLISHMENTS - What were you deeply proud of doing, making, being, etc. this year? What made ​​you feel good? I think I'm actually a rather good teacher even though it doesn't feel like this most of the time. But I got a lot of praise and saw some improvement myself...
• BREAKTHROUGHS - What were your biggest breakthroughs? This can be in any area: emotional, spiritual, career, etc. I started going to therapy. Which is a big thing for me because accepting (that I need) help is not that easy for me. I finally admitted that something really needs to change.
• HAPPINESS - What was the most fun you had this year? When were you really happy?
  • Lissy's wedding in September
  • Spending time in Prague with Frank; the naughty roadtrip, eating accidental strawberries on a boat and finding our way out of the communist apartment at TRAP
  • Making a gorgeous drag queen out of Frank. He looks SO pretty as a girl!
  • Daily challenges at work; motivational animals
  • Lying in bed with Frank late at night and all of a sudden we're interpreting English poems.
  • Driving around the Cretan mountains, reading The Secret History at the beach.
  • Drawing elaborate travel memories and making posters for my English class.
  • Eating parmigiano and truffle spaghetti for breakfast at Café Gandl. In the sunshine. Macarons for dessert.
  • The smell of Head and Shoulders Apple Fresh shampoo.
• LOVE - Who did you fall in love with this year? Frank. Sometimes I hate him for making me love him.
• LOSS - Who did you miss? My grandmas, my dad and my cat. Somehow all the family I've got left are my mum and my brother and even there I feel quite some distance, maybe that explains why I'm so lonely. I missed Frank, all the time - even back then when everything was fine because we live one hour apart and are superbusy all the time... even more when things went downhill. Somehow I also missed my colleagues from LA, especially Michi, Franzi and Elsa. Even Bert but actually I'm pretty angry at him because his behaviour is still so immature.
• PEOPLE - Did you meet anyone new? People I really liked this year: Elsa, Franzi, Michi, Manu, Frank. Here is an (incomplete) list of people I met in 2014. Apart from that, a list of men I kissed this year:
  • Frank
  • Simon
  • Sebastian
  • Martin
  • Klaus
  • Basti
  • (and possibly Bert as well but that hardly counts)
  • (and if Michi didn't have a girlfriend I would have kissed him as well)
• TRAVEL - Did you travel? Where did you go? March: Prague with Frank // August: Crete with Lexi. My trip to Crete was wonderful. I felt like a granny on a little trip with her bridge buddy but hey, at least it made me forget SOME of my troubles. A lot of driving in the mountains, swimming in the sea, eating mezze every night. I even got a lovely tan and drank litres of white wine. It's just sad that you still bring your needy, heartbroken self wherever you go. // Not enough travel, really. Gonna make up for it next year.
• FOOD - What was the best meal/culinary experience you had this year? I loved vegetarian pickle sausage, fresh (blood) orange juice, Ben&Jerry's Half Baked and Peanut Butter Cup, my first homemade macarons (sunshine yellow with salted caramel), pumpkin quiche, Kaspressknödel, black cumin, way too many visits to the bakery (damn you, fresh bread and buns). Gin Tonic, sour gummy candy, pistachio chocolate, Vöslauer Pink Grapefruit, a mild obsession with Indian food, Egg McMuffins, Greek mezze, strawberries.
• FASHION - What was your most beloved/favorite outfit? How would you describe your style this year? How did the way you dress change? Rather witchy. Black boots, black tights, a lot of moon prints and moon jewellery. Still a lot of dresses because somehow I'm not able to own more than one fitting/unbroken pair of jeans at a time. But most of the time way less adventurous and colourful than last year. Apart from my cheery yellow cardigans my clothing represented my bad mood quite well most of the time. The thing is that I don't bother and only want to wear something comfortable and inconspicuous when I'm feeling down.
• MUSIC - What were some of your favorite records and songs? What song will always remind you of this year? What song lyrics reverberated with you?
  • Sapient - Dents (EP)
  • Beck - Morning Phase (EP) and Gamma Ray
  • The Correspondents
  • ProleteR - April Showers
  • Wye Oak - Glory
  • Jethro Tull - War Child
  • Joan as Police Woman - Holy City
  • Fettes Brot - Für immer immer
  • Justice - New Lands
  • Dolly Parton - Jolene
  • Queens of the Stone Age - I Sat by the Ocean
  • Leslie Clio - Sister Sun Brother Moon
  • Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats - I'll Cut You Down
  • Ankathie Koi - Kate, It’s Hunting Season
  • Kat Frankie - Please Don't Give Me What I Want
  • Phil Collins - Can't Hurry Love
  • this CD, as usual
  • Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea; Parov Stelar
  • A lot of other random tracks, of course. Here is a mixtape I made in August.
• MATERIALISM - Something you wished for and got (for yourself)? Very expensive leather boots and turtoise shell sunglasses with green lenses; MAC lipstick in "Chili". Apart from that: too much of the small stuff (cosmetics, jewellery, cheap dresses, flea market and second hand store finds). I really gotta stop buying random cheap things because I don't need them and boy do they add up... I want to invest in travel and experiences and ok, one or two things I really like as well.
• MOVIES - Your favourite films of the year.
  • Drei (2010)
  • Her (2013)
  • Blue Jasmine (2013)
  • And I saw Roman Holiday (1953) and When Harry Met Sally (1989) for the first time. Really really good. Here is the full list.
  • Guilty pleasures:
    • Populaire (2012)
    • Chef (2014)
    • Frozen (2013)
    • About Time (2013)
    • Fack Ju Göhte (2013)
• TV - Your favourite TV shows of the year.
  • True Detective
  • Fargo
  • The Great British Bakeoff
  • Gilmore Girls
  • You're the Worst
  • Mann/Frau
• BOOKS - Your favourite books/stories/poems/plays.
  • Books I enjoyed because they're excellent:
    • Marlen Haushofer - Die Wand
    • Donna Tartt - The Secret History
    • Jennifer Egan - Look at Me
  • Books I enjoyed because they were a nice and easy read:
    • Veronica Roth - Divergent series
  • Books I needed to read because they helped me cope with myself:
    • Jeffrey Eugenides - The Marriage Plot
    • Sarah Kuttner - Mängelexemplar
    • Kay Redfield Jamison - An Unquiet Mind