RELEASE - What did you let go of this year? // I sold my old car. I lost all affection for the places I used to live (Munich really is the place to be at the moment). My huge internet obsession (maybe). I feel like I don't spend *all* the time in front of the computer anymore when I'm at home. A good deal of social anxiety and giving a shit about what other people think. I've always been pretty complic... eeeh I mean authentic, of course, and I'm becoming even better at it. I know, not everybody likes that but I feel like some people (the good ones obviously) actually appreciate it when others are a little more special. Get your freak on! Mhh... I might have lost my desperate need to please men? In part? I just try not to take any shit anymore. Not get too attached. Me before you. Sorry, guys. (perhaps I should finally get a GIRLfriend for once?)

ACCOMPLISHMENTS - What were you deeply proud of doing, making, being, etc. this year? What made ​​you feel good? // I might be able to count the number of times I've cried this year on one hand. I stopped seeing a therapist (because the new one was such an idiot and because I didn't feel like I really needed it anymore). I travelled as much as I could. I spent a lot of time in the water, with friends, in the sunshine. I tried my best at doing whatever the fuck I wanted (without giving too many fucks). I did one or two mildly illegal things and was glad about it. I got to know new people. I was open. Open for the good things. I managed to live with myself. I was alone. It was ok. I went to a portrait drawing class, and I've been working on my sketchbook. I came up with a killer recipe for pho and thai curry. I loved driving my new car. And painting little animals on wood. The simple pleasures, eh? Oh, and I might have become a little more organised and I managed to get up BEFORE 6am EVERY MORNING! Teenage-me would have never thought a perversion like that was even possible.

BREAKTHROUGHS - What were your biggest breakthroughs? This can be in any area: emotional, spiritual, career, etc. // What a year. When I read through my monthly lists you might actually get the idea that it was a very happy year. And, to be fair, I got to experience the most awesome moments. Meet wonderful people and see gorgeous places. To sum it up, the last twelve months have been a great adventure. And still, emotionally? It all feels a bit dull. Dry. Weird taste in my mouth, you know? For me it's hard to come to terms with the impermanence of it all. The people you spend a few days with and will hardly ever see again. The colleagues you want to befriend but instead never hear from again after taking another job. The friends you want to spend all your life with but instead: fighting, not speaking, bitchy feelings, not seeing each other quite that often. The men you sleep with and never see again. Thus, I little breakthrough might be a realisation that I'm really bad at enjoying the present moment. I'm rarely happy with what I have, do, am. Only later, in retrospect, I realise what a great time I had and am able to treasure it. I wanna do better. I really do. I'm definitely not going to stop trying to make things last, I know. And yet, I will try to appreciate the good moments as soon as they happen. Apart from that, I might have finally come to terms with my career, I mean, hey, being a teacher isn't so horrible. And I can actually see myself staying at my new school for a long time, it's really rather nice. I can always try to incorporate a few more creative ideas along the way. The best thing is: ever since I started working at the new school I've never even truly thought about calling in "sick". It's so much nicer to work there. And Frank... I feel like it's been getting a little harder in the last months. He has all those affairs I hate (of course) and I don't feel very close to him anymore. But it probably has to be like that. I've got the feeling that it's going to be easier once I feel a little happier with myself. I'm working on it. So, also a breakthrough yet to come. Oh, and I don't take no shit anymore. I actually took a lawyer when my old landlord wouldn't give me my money back. I was successful. Booyah.

HAPPINESS - What was the most fun you had this year? When were you really happy? // Some random happy moments I come up with when I think of this year: the night out in Nagasaki / my birthday in Tokyo / remembering the British couple at our Marokko trip with Lexi / picnic at the beach in Venice with Claudia, Frank and Fabi, painting Fabi's toe nails while he was asleep / squeezing into photobooths with Elsa and Franzi in Berlin, and our night at Sisyphos / the Annenmaykantereit/Bilderbuch concert at Tollwood in summer / visiting the Botanical gardens / braiding Lars's hair in Copenhagen / all the hours spent at or in lakes and lying at the Isar, especially at Maria Einsiedel with Elsa, Ralf and Franzi during the summer break / every good macaron I made or ate / Frank vacuuming my feet and making me laugh hard; falling asleep holding his hand / meeting the Petersons, dancing at the gay bar, singing karaoke, being in the US for the first time / all the game nights with Thai Food / buying plants at the garden centre / eating Ballabeni pistachio ice-cream and homemade pho / getting my hair braided by Anna / the Christopher Street Day parade / an evening at the Christmas market with Doris and sitting next to her at the cinema / Labertal festival / breakfast Café del Monte with Adán in Lisbon / Halloween party preparations with Frank / reading Vom Ende der Einsamkeit by Benedict Wells (I even wrote a two-page letter to Frank afterwards to let him know how happy I was) //

And as usual, I'll refer to my monthly lists, too (and I just realised that I should print out or do back ups of these gorgeous lists right now because they're really important to me and I love that I started them years ago): January / February / March / April / May / June / July / August / September / October / November / December

LOVE - Who did you fall in love with this year? // Much like last year: not in love. At least longer than 5 minutes. I mean, look at the list of men I kissed this year: Daniel, Julien, Marcus B., Lars, Mathias, Chrissi, Martin, Markus whatever his last name was, Adán, Stefan, Markus H., Moritz. Of the lot, I was sad to see them go: Lars (the perfect viking, gentleman, conversationalist), Mathias (psychotherapists must trigger some issues in me), Marcus H. (he was pretty and mean, half-Finnish and played desperate games to make girls kiss him) and maybe Adán (anagram king of the West - a great soul and the perfect DJ). I don't know what it is. I feel like I'm starting to give up on love. All these guys. All these encounters that lead nowhere. I've got a pretty nice collection of "ghosted" message threads on my phone by now. I'm so tired of meaningless flings. I want a true friend. All or nothing, you know? But then you meet someone you actually like and boom, vanished. I don't know what 2017 brings but for now I'm ending the year with a sense of disillusionment. Frank was pretty sweet about it and kept telling me that he truly believes that one day my time will come, that someone is going to show up, that's it's going to be SO GOOD. That I deserve it. For example when I freaked after Elsa's engagement. But I don't see it happening. Not at the moment. I think I need to fall in love with myself again a little more. There's too much self-loathe going on, it scares the good ones off. Understandably so. Between Frank and me it's been going well. But I still hate his affairs. His ambiguity. I can't help it. Guess it'll never stop. But he's a true friend. The one I want to tell about it when I'm happy.

LOSS - Who did you miss? // I kinda missed my family. My mum and my brother, and Anna. Apparently not enough to do much about it though. Ever since I moved to Munich I've barely visited my hown town anymore. I might have to go there more often next year. I missed people I just didn't get to see often enough, because we're all SO busy: Franzi, Elsa, Tamara, Moni, Margit, Becky, Moni. The heck, even Shlee and Kil. Surprisingly, I missed Bert. I missed the presence of a pet. I met so many great dogs this year (and that means a lot coming from a die-hard cat person like myself). I seriously consider getting a cat next year. Let's see if I dare to take on that responsibility. And I thought about my dad, my grandmas. What did their death change for me? Why can't I remember more about them? What role did they play in my life? Questions without answers. I also missed how relationships with people USED to be. Me and Frank, obviously. It used to be so good for a few months. Unsurprisingly, I don't really miss most of the men in my life. They always disappear early enough for me not to get attached.

PEOPLE - Did you meet anyone new? // I had to leave yet another set of colleagues behind and even though I miss Becky, Sitki and Susi we don't really hear much of one another these days. It's sad to see what happens when you don't spend time with each other at work anymore. You thought you had new friends but yeah, out of sight out of mind, eh? But I gladly took Jonathan with me to my new school and I kinda fell in love with Doris, I would love to get to know her better next year. Some people there have friendship potential, too, like Verena or Stolli, for example. I spent a little more time with old friends (Lena, Alexandra, Fabi, Frank and Claudia) now that we are all so close to Munich and I even visited Moni, who is going to be a mum in a few hours or days. Exciting.

TRAVEL - Did you travel? Where did you go? // February: Copenhagen (alone, spent a lot of time with Lars though) / March: Portland, USA with Ashley and Kilian / May: Japan with Lexi and Lena / August: Berlin (with Franzi and Elsa / Mathias) and Lisbon (alone, but of course I met Adán) / October: Venice with Frank, Fabi and Claudia. // This year, I learned to appreciate travelling solo (at least in big cities like Berlin, Copenhagen and Lisbon but I'll get there eventually). It is so nice to be the only one who decides when to start the day. Where to eat, where to go - especially where and when to stop. I tend to move around cities even slower when I'm on my own. I might not see just as much but that's ok. And of course, when you're alone you're much more susceptible and approachable so it's easier to get to know people. Also, I went to North America (USA) and Asia (Japan) for the first time. I enjoyed both trips a lot though I now know that something about the US feel a little off to me. I can understand why Shlee wanted to leave. I met some great people though (shout out to the Petersons and Ekhi). And Japan... oh boy. Feels like another planet. What an adventure. I need to go there again. What I also need to do again: go on a trip with Thai Food, it was so much fun. And I'm already so excited about next year! We're planning on renting the same house in Sainte Maxime we had five years ago, Lexi and I might go to Bali, Vietnam or Mexico together and I might just be able to squeeze in Helsinki, too.

FASHION - What was your most beloved/favorite outfit? How would you describe your style this year? How did the way you dress change? // Ha, I can totally see an improvement over the last few months. As soon as I started my new job I got the dresses out again! I hardly wear pants anymore. I loved to play with dramatic make-up, I have long fingernails now, always painted. I kept buying a lot of jewellery and my new colleagues filed me under "weird art teacher", I think. That was my secret goal, of course. Oh, and the lilac/cotton-candy pink hair might have helped. I got my hair bleached for the first time in my life (Adán's hairdresser friend obré'd it in Lisbon and in autumn I went to Barbara at Silkrodil, too). I think I might want to play around with it a little more next year.

MUSIC - What were some of your favorite records and songs? What song will always remind you of this year? What song lyrics reverberated with you? // I went to a great concert at Tollwood this summer: Bilderbuch and Annenmaykantereit (surprise act) with Simon, Markus and some others. I also saw Blues Pills and Kadavar at Tonhalle, Parov Stelar at Zenith, the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the Olympiahalle. And I loved going to the Labertalfestival for the first time even though my ex-boyfriend recommended it ages ago and goes there every year. I mean, I saw the Correspondents for the third time! So much love for Mr Bruce! Apart from that, there were so many bad songs stuck in my head (most of them from karaoke sessions on my birthday in Tokyo and at VoiceBox in Portland and from singing along to all the songs with Claudia on our roadtrip to Venice). Everyone's a Little Bit Racist from the Avenue Q musical, Justin Bieber's Love Yourself, Uptown Funk, Funky Cold Medina, Hard Out Here by Lily Allen. Shakira's Try Everything (because of THAT adorable movie, of course). Lady Gaga - Perfect Illusion, Hide Away by Daya, Final song (Mø), Fickt-Euch-Allee, all the work work work songs, Ex's and Oh's by Elle King. Songs I'm only marginally more proud of liking: Wild Season by Banks and Steelz with Florence Welch, the new (and old) Bilderbuch songs, SIA (!! infatuation of the year !!), Beck, Børns' Electric Love (damn, I was SO obsessed with this song), Ásgeir - Torrent, Annenmaykantereit, a little excursion into electroswing, First Aid Kit - My Silver Lining, Attwenger, Düsseldorf by Teleman (...)

MATERIALISM - Something you wished for and got (for yourself)? // I paid for elaborate trips again this year (see travel section). I spent a fortune on plants for my balcony (only to see them die in fall). I bought jewellery here and there, far too many books (because I hardly get around to actually reading them), less make-up, that's an improvement. I splurged on a promising graphic tablet that has yet to arrive. Oh... and I got a NEW CAR! I mean, used car, but new for me. I love it. It's big and black and shiny and fast.

MOVIES - Your favourite films of the year. //

• Zootopia (2016) (nope, not even kidding)
• Toni Erdmann (2016)
• Die Mitte der Welt (2016)
• Afternoon Delight (2013)
• Here is the full list - it wasn't much of a TV/cinema year at all. Of course I kept up with a few of my shows out of habit but nothing really thrilled me. But that's ok. Less TV more life, eh?

TV - Your favourite TV shows of the year. //

• Westworld
• Transparent
• Magicians
• You, Me and the Apocalypse
• Love
• Fleabag
• Gilmore Girls - A Year in the Life (even though it could have been so much better, I was rather disappointed; but hey, it's Gilmore Girls, what can I say)

BOOKS - Your favourite books/stories/poems/plays. // Full list here. So, to sum it up, three star authors for me this year:

• Lev Grossman - The Magicians Trilogy
• Benedict Wells - Vom Ende der Einsamkeit (!!!) and Becks letzter Sommer
• Ernest Cline - Ready Player One
• honorable mention (like every other year): Sarah Kuttner