Where did the time go? (I've been having a very accelerated sense of time lately - is this it? Am I officially old now?) Thinking about the last months makes me feel as if they all happened a lifetime ago instead of just a few weeks. It's hard for me to realise that they all happened within one year, this year. As I am writing this I am sitting on a plane, hovering somewhere over Canada. Frozen lakes and snowy mountain ridges. I'm on my way to Mexico without even knowing what to do there. I'm already looking forward to going home (I've been loving coming home lately). But it's always like that - I'm dreading any upcoming trip the closer it comes and it takes some time for me to get used to my new - and often very enjoyable - situation. To ease into it and get more relaxed about the new and unknown. So I'm hoping for a few warm days, swimming in the sea, diving in cenotes and eating the most delicious food I can think of. As I realised this summer, it's extremely healthy for me to step out of my comfort zone as often as I possibly can.

RELEASE - What did you let go of this year? // This was the year I started to believe in medicine I guess. I got all the vaccines. Not only COVID but also basically all the ones there are at the Tropeninstitut (which is kind of a big thing for me because I'd been told from a very young age that vaccination is harmful and this year I had to face that I still believed in what my mother's opinion / try to get to the bottom of that whole debate and find out what my own point of view really is). And I finally had my gallbladder removed after suffering through more than ten years of severe pain. And it was fine. It wasn't nice or anything but everything went well and now I don't experience colics anymore. Thanks to surgery.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS - What were you deeply proud of doing, making, being, etc. this year? What made you feel good? //

• I learned some Spanish and worked with the Babbel app.
• I managed to design a whole personalised Kreuzweise puzzle for Raphael. It took me a few weeks to perfect it.
• I went through a painting phase. Very productive! I actually painted a few cool ones and really got into abstract painting. I learned that painting doesn't have to be about careful planning and a focus on the outcome. You can also just do whatever feels right, light and easy and that can be absolutely amazing. I love being in the zone, experiencing flow when I'm making art.
• And I designed a DnD character for Frank - a goliath. It was a lot of work but he turned out pretty cool.
• I got quite good at managing things. I had to deal with lots of stupid bills after my surgery (I'm really fed up with my private health insurance by now; they even accused me of concealing information upon contract conclusion when I handed in therapy bills). But yeah. I did it, eh?

BREAKTHROUGHS - What were your biggest breakthroughs? This can be in any area: emotional, spiritual, career, etc. // Well here we go. I guess I must have had a counter reaction to all the lovely woowoo vibes I had going for me last year because it all came crashing down on me. At the end of January I just couldn't do it anymore. I stopped walking, meditating, even had a bad trip that depleted all my serotonin stores. didn't work on goals anymore. I was really depressed from let's say February to July? Raphael helped me a lot with his stubborn fixer mentality and his impermeability to feelings and emotions. He made me see a therapist (who specialised in evolutionary psychology and wasn't a good fit for me but at least it was a start - but in the middle of all this my endocrinologist set me up with my future therapist). Perhaps I became I tiny bit more patient. At least my patience was tested quite a lot. I learned lots of lessons. Oh, and I really liked coming home / being at home. Which is new for me. Coming home after a holiday had always been something dreadful for me. Interesting development.

HAPPINESS - What was the most fun you had this year? When were you really happy? // Renting a convertible with Raphael in the summer / dancing to Christmas music in the kitchen and having Bailey's on ice / a return to the pool - I'd missed swimming so much / cats! Clarence and Moby, the Kitten Bois - and taking care of two fluffy felines in December / returning to pub quiz, making first place and winning the shots round with Max and Laura's help / food obsessions: sweet potato, eggplant, halloumi, cumin and yoghurt with cilantro; cauliflower, fennel, capers, feta, lemon oil, polenta and dill; pumpkin-spinach-mushroom lasagna; mapo tofu / shopping at the Asian supermarket: salted egg and ume crisps, baozi (I got a bamboo steamer!) / good election results / monthly lists of random goodness: January / February / March / April / May / June / July / August / September / October / November / December

LOVE - Who did you fall in love with this year? // I still dated Simon (a pretty boring nerd from Unterschleißheim) at the beginning of the year. Then I met John (a camera man / painter / photographer from Colombia) and ANOTHER John (a beautiful, blue-eyed, long-haired Mexican who owns two cats and cooked for me but unfortunately there was no vibe at all), Martin (my very strange alcoholic neighbour) and Raphael (who studied comparative literature AND physics, runs a theatre and has a multitude of side hustles; he plays the piano and the cello, unfortunately laughs about Känguru jokes and is not in touch with his emotions whatsoever). When I met him for the first time, we met a homeless guy in front of the university and listened to him for a while before we even talked to each other for the first time. He showed me his theatre afterwards. I attached labels to all the beer bottles.

LOSS - Who did you miss? // Do I have daddy issues? Raphael is very much like him. Hm... anyway. I kinda lost contact with Frank, it feels like he's got his own issues and I don't seem to be the right person to help so we rarely saw each other. I had to say goodbye to 10b - I'd known the students for five years! Somehow my relationship with Lena and Sash felt a little off. I can't exactly say why that is. And I felt a growing distance from my mum/family, even more than usual. Probably because of the stupid vaccination debate. How much division this topic causes... wow.

PEOPLE - Did you meet anyone new? // I reconnected with Margit who is a really good friend. Same goes for Becky who works at my school now. I met Raphael's parents and during my hospital stays I befriended Helga, Marlies and Angelina.

TRAVEL - Did you travel? Where did you go? // Looking back, I actually travelled quite a bit - at least in the last third of the year. But somehow the trips weren't very memorable for me - especially the roadtrips with Raphael / my friends. Why is that? Has it come so far that I only really enjoy travelling alone? Strange magic.

• I went to Graz with Lena and Sash. We swam in a few Austrian lakes, took the SUP out and ate all the chocolate at the Zotter factory tour.
• With Raphael I went on a roadtrip across France and the Basque Country with Bilbao as out furthest point. We had a big fight in Bordeaux. And few more later on. Waking up in an old vinery at the Côte d'Azur was lovely. I almost got swept away by an Atlantic current near Cap Ferret. On the way home I managed to get the car stuck in the sand near Nice. Driving home Raphael advised me on my job options and career moves. He also inspired me to go to therapy again but the evolution therapist I saw a few times wasn't a good fit. But in a way Raphael helped me to get out of the big funk I was in at the beginning of the year.
• In the last week of the summer holidays I went to Madeira alone. It was glorious. Scooter, diving, lava pools, eerie trees, whale and dolphin watching, passion fruit with every meal, cat neighbours.
• In autumn, I went to Paris. Also alone. Loved it very much. Books, museums, art, good food, cat encounters, great shopping.
• And over the Christmas holidays I went to Mexico again which must have been my highlight. Such a great trip, really.

FASHION - What was your most beloved/favorite outfit? How would you describe your style this year? How did the way you dress change? // Cool girl aesthetic. Chunky Chelsea boots, very white sneakers, trendy jewellery. I tuck my shirts in now - who gives a shit about my belly; it's there anyway. I actually got into (turtleneck) sweaters and bought a bunch. My favourite pattern was swirls and swirly gemstone Patterns. I even have a swirly phone case. Whenever it was cold I mostly wore a brown boxy blazer jacket and a black and lilac scarf. In February I took out my extensions and now I'm slowly trying to nurse my hair back to health but I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that it's really thin and sparse.

MUSIC - What were some of your favorite records and songs? What song will always remind you of this year? What song lyrics reverberated with you? //

• A short revival of an old favourite: the A British Festival album!
• I watch too many Insta reels so I kept hearing the same songs over and over again... like Doechii's Yucky Blucky Fruitcake or edamame bbno$ & Rich Brian (which is a REAL banger tho). Bo Burnham was annoyingly catchy, too.
• we mainly listened to a nostalgia playlist consisting of old / trashy summer songs that reminded us of our childcood and youth; lots of eurotrash
• a lot of tracks from my C.A.L.M playlist like Guru: Raga Jogeshwari - Alaap by Anoushka Shankar and Kenji Ota, Farewell to Earnest from the Darjeeling Limited soundtrack or Within You Without You by the Beatles.

CULTURE - What were the most interesting exhibitions you saw? Any creative workshops or theatre visits? // Unfortunately I remember a horrible night of anxiety and irritability at Kammerspiele; I had to leave early. But there were some nice experiences as well:

• Guggenheim Bilbao with Raphael
• Haus der Kunst with Sash
• Museum 5 Kontinente with Anika
• Open Air cinema with Raphael / Frank and Manu

MATERIALISM - Something you wished for and got (for yourself)? // After much contemplation (I'd been wanting to get an e-bike for years) I bought a new bike, the regular trekking version. Not a big investment but I was so happy about finally making a decision. Apart from that I invested in very expensive hair and skin care products and spent too much money on the small stuff. Accessories, clothes, shoes. When I went to Paris in November I came home with an extra shopping bag...

MOVIES/TV - Your favourite films and TV shows of the year. // I saw a few good movies this year. None of them really blew me away but I really enjoyed watching Mads Mikkelsen’s drunk dance on the harbour and the empathic storytelling about the life of a female octopus in South Africa. Also, I must admit that Lady Gaga might have become one of my favourite actresses.

• Der Rausch (2021)
• My Octopus Teacher (2020)
• House of Gucci (2021)
• Nomadland (2021)
• The White Tiger (2021)
• Promising Young Woman (2021)
• I Care a Lot (2020)

Not to forget: I watched ALL the Christmas movies in late November and in December. I could have kept going but suddenly it was the new year and it just didn’t feel appropriate anymore. In January I binge-watched all four seasons of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and in March I became obsessed with Dawson’s Creek . I must have watched all six seasons within 6 weeks. Apart from that I watched quite a few new series:

• I May Destroy You
• On the Verge
• Gentefied
• The One
• Deadly Class
• Emily in Paris
• Locke&Key
• Street Food #1: Asia (2019) / #2: Latin America (2020)

BOOKS - Your favourite books/stories/poems/plays. // It wasn't a fantastic reading year - again. At least regarding fiction I just didn’t seem to have the right touch. The only three books in this category that truly captivated or entertained me were

• Paula Hawkins - The Girl on the Train
• Meg Mason - Sorrow and Bliss
• Naomi Novik - The Last Graduate

However, I found a few excellent books on mental health …

• Bessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score
• Amy Yandel Grabowski - An Internal Family Systems Guide to Recovery from Eating Disorders
• Sarah Wilson - First, We Make the Beast Beautiful
• Sarah Wilson - This One Wild and Precious Life

… and science/nature . The first two titles must be on my list of favourite non-fiction books of all time:

• Jill Heinerth - Into the Planet: My Life as a Cave Diver
• James Nestor – Deep
• James Nestor – Breath