- A ticket to the planetarium at the kids museum on a bland day in a bland city. Glow-in-the-dark stars and planets, a moving tunnel just like the Hexenschaukel. Golden glitter curtains reflecting the sunlight (El Salvador seems to be obsessed with Christmas). A kitty sleeping in the park. Pupusas. The girl from El Salvador/Texas who called her cousin for me and helped me find out where to buy bus tickets.
- Mastering the blueberry challenge - recording a video of me making a blueberry hover over my mouth.
- A very plushy and luxurious bus seat on the way to Honduras. A faint rainbow. Green valleys and mountains.
- How my friends showed up for me when I told them my mum was very sick. Frank kept asking me how I was, offered support. Was suddenly really there. Doris stayed up very late for me so we could talk on the phone. Compassionate messages and offers.
- Talking to my mum via Skype. It helped me accept and understand the situation when I could see/hear/feel her and learned how she felt about her illness.
- Blanca picking me up from the bus station, listening to me, getting me back there the next day.
- Listening to podcasts for hours and hours.
- Palm tree forests with cow herds grazing. Passing a Chiquita banana farm on the way to the ferry terminal in La Ceiba.
- The completely artificial and overly syrupy cocktail cherry on my smoothie.
- I saw five cats one morning. Obviously they all thought I was there to deliver breakfast. One even tried biting into my forearm to see if I was the snack.
- Diving! Seeing a huge puffer fish. Not fucking up. Everything went smoothly.
- Being able to almost cross my legs? I'm obsessed. And want to keep losing weight!
- Strutz, Jonah Hill's documentary about his therapist. I learned about some interesting thoughts and concepts. But it was nothing new - actually it all comes down to the same work but Strutz has a different way of explaining things. And that was nice to learn as well - I already know what I need to know. I have to stop looking for teachers and guidance and put the wisdom I already have to practice.
- I went over to the freediving centre. Didn't get the introduction course right away but was invited to come out on the boat to watch and snorkel. Walter, a red female cat, showed up and was super affectionate. My emotional support animal. We took out the boat, it was raining. Marc gave me his jacket. Everyone prepared for their training and I watched Marc doing line dives. Tried a few myself. I enjoyed using the long fins, how easy it is to get down. The plankton, the air bubbles, like a marine whirl pool. Marc's air rings. The last one was perfect, almost like a hula hoop. Diving some more. Seeing the sheer mass of water and light above me coming up. The blue abyss below me.
- Seeing the reflection of the sun and sky in a puddle on the boat deck.
- More scuba diving. Seeing a funny fish with some feather headdress in black and white. A spotted eagle ray. Diving though narrow passageways.
- Drinks with the divers. Just a bit of socialising. It was good for me not to be alone all the time.
- A gorgeous sunset and the last full moon of the year.
- Loving kindness meditation.
- A very good cup of coffee after lots of Nescafé fails.
- A consoling online therapy session. It's nice to have another mum figure in my life.
- My first full month of meditation milestone.
- Feel Good on Netflix. I'm attracted to Mae Martin. But I obviously identify with her girlfriend in the series.
- Music trivia quiz at Sundowners! KC and Alex were very good. Also, I love them as a couple. They seem to really enjoy their life! And I bonded a little with the other Alex, a girl from Texas who works at a space agency and has racoons living under her house. I love her assertiveness and taste in jewellery.
- Freediving! Getting my certificate. Successfully "saving" my instructor from drowning twice. A barracuda hanging out with me. All the sexy/tan/heavily tattooed diving folks on the boat. And they were all so nice and friendly. Marlene from Montreal gave us rambutans. Lisa from the UK was extremely lovely. What an awesome community. I mustn't forget Marc and Walter the cat! And the diving is just gorgeous. I love the feeling down there. Just hanging on to a line. The efficiency of wimming with long fins.
- A green kolibri just whirring around outside the terrace where I had my Sunday breakfast.
- Extra foamy foam on my cappuccino. Cocoa powder. Good scrambled egg with veggies, avocado, cheese and hot sauce.
- A tiny little discount on my rambutans.
- Getting the plane seats I wanted without having to switch or pay for anything. And finding out that I don't have to pay for checked luggage! What a relief.
- I got to know some divers at Chillie's (Ash and her dad Marc) and we all went out for dinner. I had such an interesting conversation with Marc, an older artist and furniture designer who'd recently lost his wife. We talked about life, design, the power of thoughts and breath, karma and so much more. Connecting with Brandon, Ash and Alex over drinks on my last night on the island.
- The last Roatan sunset was a good one, too.
- Leftover pizza for my airport oddyssee.
- Finding out that my belly fits under the fold out table in the airplane by now. Loving this.
- Watching old movies. I especially enjoyed 28 Days. I'm having a Sandra Bullock moment.
- Annika picking me up from the airport on the coldest day of the year. Everything was frozen and covered in frost or ice. Crunchy steps. She's even brought a hat and gloves for me. We ended up driving around for almost three hours because it turned out I had the wrong keys and needed to get a Covid test for the hospital visit.
- Moving in at home. Taking care of my mum. Driving and cooking for the first time in a while. Helping her with everything. Feeling effective and useful.
- My mum feels so much better at home. Seeing her on the first day in the hospital was scary.
- IKEA veggie hot dogs with Lena and Christian.
- Chocolate, herbal tea and truffle mustard from Lena. And Sash gave me another big box of Zotter chocolate for Christmas.
- Seeing the Friendzone for dinner.
- Cuddling with Do. She visited me on my second day back in Germany.
- Meditation with visualization. Visualising a garden in summer. Cats, planting seeds, the sunlight feeling warm on my skin. The smell of the soil. Buzzing insects.
- Crosswords and sudoku to pass the time.
- Thai massage. Ing triggering a smiling reflex when she hit exactly the right spots.
- Making Haluschki for my mum. Baking cheese biscuits.
- It was so good to see Becky and Manu and finally talk again after such a long time. Then I picked up Doris from school. We went to Erding, walked around a few stores and had Indian food for dinner. Then we cuddled and held hands at the cinema.
- A new puffy bag.
- Spending the evenings talking to my mum. Asking questions, listening to stories about her past.
- Semolina dessert with cherry jam.
- Meeting Lena for long walks along the river.
- Visiting Dory at home for the first time. I got so many unexpected Christmas presents and loved every single one of them. We tried out a few toys, had breakfast at the bakery and watched Nous finirons ensemble while eating Nidar Smash.
- A quick visit at Sash's parents' house on New Year's Eve. Maya fed me her homemade Russian food. We half-watched a classic movie and toasted with champagne at midnight.
jan 24 2023 ∞
feb 1 2023 +