- Advent tea.
- A very well-designed poster in a wine store. A Christmas tree with red berries, nothing else. Gustav Mahler. A good therapy session providing clarity about the urgency of quitting my job. A guy with Ewan McGregor vibes guiding a handicapped/probably mentally disabled man: "This way, please!"
- A long massage with lots of chest action. Even my jaw had a turn.
- An evening at Rationaltheater with Raphael. Drinking for free. Getting to know new people.
- Erotic voice messages.
- I was super disappointed when Munich was snowed in and Christian couldn't leave his house to come to my concert. I felt a little lonely, I'd been looking forward to seeing him very much.
- A very cozy Saturday, painting my nails while watching Christmas movies.
- The choir concert was so much fun! My solo part wasn't perfect but it was okay. I eased into it and enjoyed the songs we sang together a lot. Afterwards I talked to Elke's husband about my business idea and he gave me someone's phone number. She is the organiser of Munich's foodsharing network and might have access to a lot of rooms in the city.
- Waking up to pink stripes in the sky, almost like a frosty Aurora Borealis. The sun reflected on the walls of the houses, everything covered in a thick layer of snow. I loved the muffled acoustics caused by the thick layer of dry snow everywhere. I must admit, it was quite beautiful outside for a few days.
- I finally found my orange beanie I hadn't seen in a while. Nice surprise: an earring I thought I'd lost was stuck to the hat!
- Mushroom wraps for breakfast. Baking coconut cookies with dark chocolate. Using up all my veggies for brunch in bed with C.
- Cameron Diaz and Jude Law's love story in The Holiday reminding me of my own.
- An afternoon playing board games at Chili's with BaLu, Heinrich (who texted me afterwards), Robert and Luna. Helping Chili's son with his English homework.
- Christian picked me up by surprise and we went to the cinema together! It was super cozy and we talked for a long time afterwards. I realized I have a hard time setting up emotional boundaries because I tend to take on people's problems and try to fix them even though they have nothing to do with me.
- I framed my new Serifa poster while C. installed my router for me. I loved it so much that someone took this task off my plate even though I could have done it myself and I felt like a spoiled princess.
- When C. said that he really liked my colour palette. My taste, what I'm wearing and combining.
- Drying my bedsheets on the heater. So quick and warm.
- A very calm and joyful day. Wild dreams with C. sleeping next to me. A shower while he worked. Cooking lunch. Spending some time together harmoniously. A nap. Connecting with friends in the dim light of the lava lamp. A walk to the wholefood store late in the evening with the crisp crunch of the icy snow under my steps. The first Christmas lights in the windows and gardens. I was the only customer in the store. Such a blessing for my nervous system. Alone time, one on one time, no crowds. I realize that this has been missing in my life over the last few weeks and months.
- That freaky little moment when the three of us invented the dance move "smell all available armpits" at Joy of Connection.
- When the kids gave me a chocolate Santa after I told them that the neighbours got a visit from St. Nick and I didn't. And when I taught Nino a few notes of the Flohwalzer.
- A phone call with C. Listing random animals. Thinking about Janosch's blind mole. Talking about our insecurities.
- Researching Napoleon's letters to Joséphine. November 21, 1796: I am going to bed with my heart full of your adorable image… I cannot wait to give you proofs of my ardent love… How happy I would be if I could assist you at your undressing, the little firm white breast, the adorable face, the hair tied up in a scarf a la creole. You know that I will never forget the little visits, you know, the little black forest… I kiss it a thousand times and wait impatiently for the moment I will be in it. To live within Josephine is to live in the Elysian fields. Kisses on your mouth, your eyes, your breast, everywhere, everywhere. I want to write a letter like this for C. and send it via snail mail.
- Asking my friends for classical music playlists and boy, they delivered right away.
- Manu showed up in choir practice again! And we sang Breathe, a song I love a lot.
- Lucie's yoga class, like every week. It's really helpful for my body and mind, especially when I'm angry and on edge like these days. I feel so relaxed and calm after the movement and singing. We did partner exercises the other day. Nice touch!
- Waking up early and energized, in the mood to meditate. It's been a while!
- Lying in bed in underwear, blow drying myself. The warm air flow felt nice.
- A nice outfit composition. Green pants and a black sweater with a pink shirt and socks underneath. Pink lips, gold and black accessories, my burnt orange beanie.
- Attending the Kinky Insiders party with C. I met Lukas and Neil, watched many couples in fascination, was left alone in the dark room with the circular bed. An interesting experience.
- Long psych talks upon waking up, not wanting to leave the bed. Beautiful oral edging. An unusually long and intense climax.
- Robert and Yeli came over and we cuddled, went for a long walk through the forest (R. and I held hands and fell over in the snow face down), made delicious hot Christmas chocolate and Lebkuchen.
- R. and C. installed my new Marshall speaker for me! It still feels wrong not to do it myself but I feel so cared for when I let somebody do a task like that for me. Oh, and lovely sound, too. Good choice.
- Elegant nude manicure with tiny rhinestones.
- A little Burner meetup at the Christmas market. I bought a very pretty ring that reminds me of the Bauhaus logo I have on my sleepy shirt.
- Monday morning check-ins with my friends. I felt like socializing, initiating contact with people I don't hear from too often at the moment.
- Binaural beats as white noise.
- The 21 days meditation challenge I started with Christian and Yeli. I did it first thing in the morning and wished I'd had more time because it usually takes me around 20 minutes to even calm down my thoughts. Right afterwards I drew Osho cards, asking what could help me to be more in contact with myself. And they delivered: Comparison (shadow) and Creativity (light).
- When I noticed the words Keep the fire burning at the top of a building I pass every day one morning.
- Kiwi gold.
- A 44:44min meditation and an hour-long massage on a bad day. Talking to C. on the phone. The feeling that he is showing up for me.
- Active, or rather, subconscious problem-solving during meditation. And waking up realising that all the problems you'd been dreaming about that night aren't real.
- Spending two nights at Christian's place. Simply postponing going home indefinitely. The long, intimate talk we had before I took the pregnancy test. The little tear she shed when he realized how much he trusts me. I was so nervous and incredulous when it was positive but he was there for me, talking it all through with me.
- Throwing salty popcorn over hazelnut crunch ice-cream at movie night. When Charlie the cat came in and let me hold him for a while. Sleeping in fresh bedclothes. Meditating together in the early morning.
- A little Christmas get-together at Heinrich's apartment: Grocery shopping with Luna. Coming up with a yogic animal pose challenge with David and including Frank and Chili. Ben in a good mood, talking about his crochet projects. Gentle contact dancing with Tafara. Making Heinrich chase after a little bell on a Santa hat.
- One of the most beautiful moments of my life: hugging Christian in the dark living room after we'd both smoked a little weed. The connection I felt was so intense and my mind was flooded with beautiful feelings, thoughts and visuals. I was so grateful to be there, realizing what a coincidence it was that we'd met. Björk's Unison (a song I'd already reacted to strongly when he was DJing at a Joy of Connection event) was playing and in that instant it seemed like the beautiful piece of music playlists ever written. The lyrics seemed so poetic and spot-on. I reflected on the year 2023... What a wild ride. One hand loves the other, so much on me / Let's unite tonight, we shouldn't fight, embrace you tight, let's unite tonight / I thrive best, hermit style, with a beard and a pipe, and a parrot on each side; but now I can't do this without you / I never thought I would compromise
- Opening a brand new box of oil pastels. Playing around with a few colours during my break to calm down. In the zone. Being pleased with the results. Not only me - some colleagues and students kept staring at my drawing, noticably intrigued.
- Christian's birthday. Getting to know some of his friends. Playing with their cute children. My perfect presents. Bathing together. Cuddling with Charlie the cat the next morning, bare feet on frosted ground in the early sunlight.
- The Vespertine album by Björk. So incredibly multi-layered. We have a recurring dream: Every time we lose our voices, we dream we swallow little lights. Our mother and sons bake for us during the night; they do a little trapeze walk until they're in the sky right above our heads. While we're asleep my mother and son pour into us warm glowing oil. Into our wide open throats. I have a recurring dream. They make me feel better.
- A very cute baby so fascinated with me that it followed me with its gaze and even stretched to get a better view of me.
- Weirdly enough: my OBGYN confirming my pregnancy. Observing the tiny blob on the ultrasound monitor together.
- Heinrich providing me with mushroom and broccoli sandwiches for dinner when I picked up the bag I'd forgotten.
- Unlocking a memory of the ice skating rink in Landshut. The sour candy worms from the vending machine. The smell and the completely destroyed floor, cut up by generations of ice skaters. The little dwarves and penguins they had to push around on the ice. My dad tying up the skates. The breaks during I've hockey matches.
- Feeling very comfortable at Uli's second Naked Party. So many lovely friends and sexy people. Sneaking Ansgar in who had a great time. Painting Katharina's naked body (it turned out absolutely beautiful). The moments alone with Felix, Robert, Christian, Lukas, Mike. Dancing in the kitchen.
- Watching A Street Cat Named Bob with my students. Explaining the plot to them. Agreeing over his adorableness.
- A gorgeous illustration of a water surface at night, a woman half-submerged amongst the moon and a few stars. My new phone background.
- All these talks I have with C. How intense everything is. Romantic. Inevitable. I've never met anyone who is able to talk about his emotions like that. I'm not afraid anymore. Bring on the next level.
- The macarons at the choir Christmas party. And Manu was there.
- Sharing sweet and savory breakfast. Cuddling up to C.'s new baby alpaca sweater. Doing the doctor's visit together. Holding hands and each other.
- Some luxurious Muji treats. A frankincense and myrrh candle. Socks in mustard yellow and plum. An umeboshi onigiri.
- Walking out of the noisy gym on the last day of school. And Susan kindly offering to take over my break shift. A smacking low five.
- And then I was sick and sad for a few days, going through hormonal change, depression and a stomach bug. C. tried his best to cheer me up but nothing would do. My plans to spend Christmas Eve with Manu and his family were cancelled. When C. arrived late that night I couldn't help but cry about it all. So why is this in the Things I Love list? I guess because it got better. I started laughing again. Feeling hungry. And watching You've Got Mail together helped a great deal, too.
- Christmas chocolate porridge with crunchy peanut butter and fresh fruit.
- Falling into each other. Spending too much time in bed. Making vision boards for 2024. Decorating a doll house. Playing a computer game together. Eating pancake soup at a village restaurant. Watching a Björk concert in the living room. A tour of the estate, chasing the kittens, a surprise bunker. Meditating together. The sunrise behind the forest in the distance. Being alone together. Writing little notes for each other. Making plans. Seemingly never running out of stories to tell. The big jar of juice he made for me in the morning.
- On hosting guests: My favorite guests are the people who are excited, and I always try to remember that when I’m a guest. I love when I say, ‘Would you like wine or beer at dinner?’ and they’re like, ‘Ooh can we have both? Can we start with wine and then have beer?’ I appreciate people who are into being hosted and enjoy all the special stuff. ‘Do you guys eat ice cream?’ ‘WE LOVE ICE CREAM!!!!!!’ - Catherine Newman
- Spending quiet days at home. Cooking and baking. Creative projects. Cleaning. Organising. Reflecting. Reaching out to people.
- The Dragon is about change.
- A new laundry detergent. Smells divine. And speaking of smell: getting some Byredo and Escentric Molecules sample sizes. I'm on a mission to find my new scent.
- Ben said that I'm basically glowing each time he sees me and that my style is impeccable. Lovely compliment.
- Loud karaoke in multiple harmonies with Fin, Mephy and BaLu.
- A sharing moment with Fin who told me about her difficult health journey and the issues she's dealing with. I've felt a lovely connection with her and will reach out, offering my support and friendship.
- Inspired by the Osho Zen card Compromise I started sketching a diptych of the two hands connected by their little fingers. In the morning of the last day of the year I felt inspired to make a painting with oil pastels and it turned out pretty wonderful. I love it when I'm unexpectedly satisfied with a creation of mine.
- New Year's Eve at Filzhof. Getting to know some of Christian's best friends. Raclette and board games. Sparklers and a bonfire. Singing mantras together.
nov 29 2023 ∞
jan 10 2024 +