Though your destination is not yet clear / You can trust the promise of this opening; / Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning / That is at one with your life's desire. / Awaken your spirit to adventure; / Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk; / Soon you will home in a new rhythm, / For your soul senses the world that awaits you. - JOHN O'DONOHUE

• Solange Knowles' loft / interview for Apartamento.
• 24 hours of meditation. Which isn't all that much for 3 months (okay, more than 100 days by now) but imagining doing it all in one sitting is pretty cool. This whole "don't break the chain" thing just helps me to keep going so I haven't missed a day so far.
• Petting the goats with Dorie. Talking to the birds. Matcha Latte, no sugar. Cheesecake with poppyseeds. Sketching. A quick escape due to overstimulation. Shopping. Ending up with a sports top as yellow as egg yolk. A yoga pad. And amaretti morbidi. Then we played three rounds of pool in a studio with starry, sparkly glitter walls. I pulled my coolest move and Do took a picture. She couldn't laugh after her wisdom teeth surgery so I taught her to hold up a finger each time she wanted to smile. Her stern face had made me feel too insecure.
• Baking orange muffins with Lena and Sash. Grating the zest. Juicing. I'd arrived with a big basket full of art supplies so we just sat round the dining table for a few hours, painting. It felt like art therapy. I noticed how still I become. I can't really talk when I'm in the zone. I loved my results and the swirly, colourful technique I came up with that day. Afterwards we stole some of Christian's espresso and whiskey cheese and had patatas bravas for dinner. I drove Sash home and we talked about going on a little holiday together the following week.
• The court employee telling me I could just give my brother a written mandate and immediately escape from here. Liberating.
• Therapy. Twelve more gifted extension minutes. Sometimes it feels like she actually enjoys talking to me. She even wrote down the movie I'd mentioned, Girl, Interrupted, perhaps because I'd said that I see myself as the Angelina Jolie character in this story. Unsuccessful shopping. Dinner and (unsuccessful) pub quiz with Margit.
• Another heartwarming short story by Robin Sloan. I simply adore this writer and his manifold hobbies and niche interests.
• I decided to check out the pub quiz at the local Irish pub on my own. I just wanted to sit at the bar and hear the questions - but I noticed someone playing alone and asked him if I could support him! So we played together and talked about or lives and travels. I'm just kinda proud that I chatted up a random stranger and it was ok - nobody laughed at me or rudely refused to talk to me. All these fears and insecurities, the worst case scenarios I act out in my head... that's what's actually torturing me. Doing the thing rarely is. Fuck anxiety.
• My tears left a beautiful salt stain on the black laptop.
• Getting a chest massage. I've been having so many stress symptoms in this area, a lot of pain and tension... so this was just a really good idea.
• Surviving two consecutive yoga classes. Interestingly, Vinyasa was easier for me than Moon Hatha because we had to hold difficult positions for a very long time. You know it's tough when you wanna kill your instructor for saying things like we stay here for five more breath cycles... Uh, the aggression. The theme that evening was digestion - both physical and emotional. And one of the ladies applied tiger balm to everyone's neck and give us a tiny massage! / Very chill Saturday Yin yoga, mostly with my eyes closed. But my knee is mad at me not and has started to hurt again.
• A new business idea. I wanna open my very own "Heilanstalt". Something like a yoga centre with all kinds of classes and courses that are beneficial for a person's wellbeing and mental healt. Art classes, mediation, breathwork, seminars and lectures... a few therapy animals here and there. Everyone keeps saying that this would basically just be like continuing my mum's mission and I don't know how I feel about that.
• Making giant eggplant/halloumi burgers for breakfast (and dinner). I even caramelised onions and bought mayo.
• Vintage shopping at Hab&Gut (even though I wished for a regular clothing size once again, it's so sad to leave cool items at the store because they just don't fit you). Finding a very cool dark green trench coat... not sure if I should get it? But the other day I bought a cool zigzag blouse in my favourite colours and a brand new green fake fur jacket. I hope it'll keep me warm in Iceland.
• Lena and Sash visited me for brunch and I made pancakes and tropical porridge for everyone. Then we walked to the city centre and got fancy chocolates (pistachio nougat) and cheeses (truffle pecorino and Mimolette). On our way home we stopped at the vegan café (where I wrote something magically uplifting in the toilet guestbook) and I managed to be back in time for yoga.
• Reactivating my Netflix account for a Sunday on the sofa. I devoured all the available snacks and watched the new season of You. After the fifth episode I noticed disappointed that the second part won't be published until March.
• Finding out that my mum's coins and jewellery are worth more than her car. Nice.
• My magic wand broke on Valentine's Day. Just stopped working. Zap. I don't know why this is a good thing. Hm, probably because I find it very funny. The irony, eh?
• Watching the entire second season of Kärlek & Anarki in one go. The Skandinavian fashion and design are excellent. Also, I'm not sure what kind of lover I want more: A femme fatale who just won the Nobel prize for literature or a young IT guy who's telling me what to do via post-it notes.
• I finally finished writing my reviews for 2021 and 2022. Phew.
• Journalling on the train to Merano. Looking out the window, seeing the mountains come closer. Listening to The Sugarcubes/Sykurmolarnir, Björk's old band (Sash told me about them; I really appreciate her cool taste - she keeps showing me new and interesting things). Björk has been a recurring theme ever since I bought a tote bag with her portrait in a feminist bookstore in Mexico City. She was mentioned in the book I'm reading. And in Bologna, I even saw a bus with an advertisement for her upcoming Cornucopia tour (I really wanna go).
• Deep Talk over pizza and red wine in a vinoteca in Italy. We talked about my writing, lists, my dead mum.
• The weather in Italy was so mild and sunny, almost like spring. I wanted to go outside without a jacket, hop on my imaginary Vespa and meet friends for Apéro.
• Stucco clay. I love the warm atmosphere it gives a room.
• The thermal pools in Merano. Jiggling all we got in a narrow infinity pool, checking our reflection in a glass wall. Falling asleep in the resting area. Sauna. Hot and cold salt water outside.
• Losing my phone. Finding it again.
• Leaning back in an armchair after meditation. Looking out the window behind me, the light hitting my face. Sunshine, a pretty apartment. Life is better than I tend to think.
• Finding Ich bin dein Mensch in ARD Mediathek. I really liked the movie and Maren Eggert's acting/character.
• A scenic trail up the hills surrounding Merano. A lovely view, meeting lizards and the grumpiest cat. I love the contrast of the palm trees in the sunshine against the snow covered mountains in the distance.
• Italians call their train lines pop and rock. When I saw this I thought... hm, there should be jazz too, right? And indeed, one our way to Florence I actually saw a jazz train. Amusing.
• Espresso con fior di latte - what a revelation. We also tried it with zabaione and vanilla custard with pine nuts.
• Ice cream with salty roasted pistachios at Cremeria Santo Stefano in Bologna. Caffè Bianco was amazing, too.
• Ordering a bunch of delicious Tigelle, a Pignoletto and a Green Spritz. I love finding new food and drinks I've never tasted before.
• The beautiful wall art in that Brazilian Fusion restaurant we found by chance. I think the restaurant was in an old church and our table must have been in the altar room.
• Staying at a super old-school hotel with chandeliers and velvet sofas. Carpet everywhere. Luggage carts and page boys. Opulent breakfast buffet.
• My hunch for interesting exhibitions. I keep finding cool spots like that Spanish video installation in an old church in Bologna and the Gucci Archetypes gallery in Florence.
• The Neptune statue at Piazza della Signoria. Surprisingly good butt.
• Truffle Tagliolini. Just pasta, butter and fresh truffle. Delicious.
• Visiting a cheese dairy in Parma where they make Parmigiano Reggiano. Mattia talked us through all the steps of cheesemaking and I fed and petted a few of the cows. I learned that they have surprisingly long tongues. And that these days a lot of Indian families are working in Italian dairies to take care of the cows (apparently because they treat the animals so much better since cows are sacred in India...) We bought half a kilo of 50-month old cheese to take home. I love it when the old cheese has already formed lots of little crystals.
• We had a whole train compartment in first class to ourselves on the way from Bologna to Munich and folded out all the seats. We ended up with a comfy lounge area, ate all the snacks and actually fell asleep a few times in the dim light. When we stopped at Brennero for a while I woke up, it was warm and dark and I noticed some eerie sounds coming from the train. Very musical. Felt special.
• And in general: Having a room all to myself. A cinema, a lane at the swimming pool, a sauna, a train compartment... I'm always so happy when that happens.
• I guess 2023 is the year I'm turning into a sauna person. I used to hate it but the other day I sat through two "events" (someone pours water and aromatic oils on the hot stones to create more heat and steam) and kinda get the appeal. They even give you extras like honey for your face or cold towels. There's music and the guy fans the hot air all around you. I love jumping into the ice cold pond afterwards and when I get out my skin prickles. Or I pour a bucket of ice water over my head. I shouldn't be surprised. I mean... I'm a Taurus and I've always loved water so why wouldn't I like a place like that. Warmth, falling asleep in a pillow nest, getting coffee and snacks, back to the sauna - sounds like me.
• Trying a new Frank smoothie that tastes like Almighurt with marzipan and poppy seeds. Yum.
• Free dolmades in my veggie kebab.
• My therapist managed to sign me up for long-term therapy. 36 more sessions. Which is a good thing. Therapy is my hobby. AND she realised today that I didn't believe I could be cured. That I'm convinced I'm too broken. But she said I could be fixed! Healed! I just need to learn a few lessons I missed when I was a kid. Sounds promising.
• Dopamine Nation was such an interesting read. I learned about the pleasure/pain balance so I'm seriously considering a dopamine fast now.
• Learning many interesting things in Iceland. That they're running hot water pipes under the tarmac to melt the snow and ice (everything runs on geothermal energy). And the astronauts on the Apollo mission did their training for the moon on Iceland's lava fields. It's THAT otherworldly. And there are auroras on Jupiter! I loved learning about the science behind auroras in the planetarium.
• And I actually saw a pretty spectacular Aurora Borealis one night. A moment later, the dude next to me got down on his knees and proposed to his girlfriend (she said yes).
• The Icelandic countryside was amazing. We saw seals, a whale spine, ponies. All the waterfalls. A geysir. Lava fields, mountains and rivers. Cliffs, elf stones, black lava beaches. A crater lake and a large fissure between the Eurasian and American tectonic plates.
• More random joy: Vintage stores. Taking pictures on rainbow street. Cool art. Writing postcards. Walking through an artificial ice cave. A super friendly feline Reykjavík resident. Zooming around on e-scooters for the first time. Discovering a tiny thermal foot bath during a walk to the lighthouse. Lounging in the warm water at SkyLagoon.