- Waking up after a dream inspired by the movie Poor Things. Inserting your brain into a younger body. Living in oblivion until one day somebody shows up to break the news to you. That you've lived another lifetime before and you have to be reminded of who you were, what you knew.
- Drawing the gorgeous Sharing card, resonating with it right away. The Queen of Fire is designed in my colours and shapes. She is me.
- Sketching something. Loving every line.
- Eating a thick soup with tiny noodles and semolina dumplings for breakfast.
- Jamie Lee Curtis' guest appearance in The Bear. She's almost unrecognizable. Oh, and Olivia Coleman's, too!
- Something finally falling into place: I've been searching for a new wallet for a while now and suddenly a memory of my grandma's old Aigner checkbook popped into my head. And it was the perfect solution. What an amazing local brand! I discovered that there is a store nearby and shopping there was quite the experience. I felt very fancy. And they put so much thought into the product design! Perfect little boxes and everything is so elegant. I also got their classic leather belt.
- Organising a SingStar evening. I love how easygoing, welcoming and gentle Felix is. Being weird with Robert. And Ben, my boo. We love each other's colours and he really does give the best compliments (he said that I've got such great taste and always look stylish). Cuddles, leveling up our friendship in a way. Being more at ease around each other.
- Car conversations with Luna.
- A feeling of having leveled up again; I seem to attract abundance (on a material level). But maybe that's just confirmation bias.
- Accepting defeat when I was wrong, following advice.
- The moonrise. I love how big and yellow the moon seems when it's hanging low over the horizon.
- Liquid Love: sliding over/around/under/on top of each other - blindfolded, naked and covered in oil. I loved touching squishy, chubby body parts. Very sensual and immersive. I wasn't really present in the room anymore and tried to feel rather than think. Cuddle puddle afterwards. I got close to Chili and Daniel (whose toe I accidentally hurt before the event and it felt quite healing that he came close to me and initiated touch) and Christian surprised me with his tongue when I wasn't paying attention.
- Interesting effects of Kundalini Yoga: waking up crying from a very emotional, nightmare-ish dream. Feeling so heavy, sluggish, overwhelmed, tired. It's not entirely positive but it's so interesting how much energy seems to be moved here?
- An ex-student reaching out to me because she needed a letter of recommendation for an international college.
- Walking through the forest with C., scouting a treasure hunt route. Keeping calm despite his weird mood. Staying present, observing.
- A surprisingly calm museum visit with my class. And when we went to Pinakothek der Moderne I was happy how much fun some of them seemed to have experimenting, talking about art. I found some interesting works by Max Ernst and set the intention come back again soon, alone. Even just the large, empty building with the high ceilings has a soothing effect on me.
- Biting into a slice of moist, warm black olive ciabatta.
- Cooking actual food with vegetables I had at home and having fruit for dessert instead of getting trash food on the way home after coming home from work in a bad mood. So much more nourishing. I'm proud of myself for realising I have to be the person I want to become. Now.
- Peeling off last post-it before the cool colour scheme finally started. Orange, yellow, purple.
- Picking up C. from labour court. Meeting his friend Benni who discussed leftist concepts and utopian ideas with me over lunch. I felt really good when I realised that it was easy for me to follow his train of thought and that I'd missed intellectual conversation.
- Connecting with C. Spending time together, walking through a furniture design store. Spicy time and a long afternoon nap. Talking about our triggers and therapy experience. I realised how much fear of failure (and success?) I have, how vulnerable my ego is when it comes to art and doing something new. Even just writing an application for a job I'm not officially qualified for scared the shit out of me. Impostor syndrom? C. still wants me to write a page from my imaginary novel for him and all I can think about is why I can't do it. And he suggested that I could study psychology. I'm intrigued and yet... Why is this so hard? What's holing me back?
- Staying calm when I had to call roadside assistance twice in one afternoon. My car broke down in the middle of a busy street with three lanes. I simply accepted my fate and asked for help (and that might actually be the lesson I have to learn from all this).
- Reaching out to Andrea. Finally meeting Kosta the cat.
- A dream: Sarah as Ganesha with a giant elephant trunk. Facial tattoos: red, black and green symbols and ornaments. Massive, moving, heavy. I woke up from an imaginary alarm sound. Did I really dream up an alarm clock? Wow. And just in time for my appointment, too.
- New Moon Aquarius promises a career breakthrough for Taureans. Let's hope for the best.
- Something very banal: having kitchen roll at home for a change. I took one home when we had too many after a Slutering event and remembered that I could just... wipe something off without worrying about getting the rag dirty and having to wash it! Nice.
- One of the best weeks of my life: a Hero's Journey seminar during the spring holidays. Going in with no expectations, receiving everything and more. I learned so much about myself. Activated my emotional side and practised feeling. I appreciate all those people who acted as my mirrors by sharing their vulnerability, being their authentic selves. We supported each other, learned from each other, celebrated each other. I'm thinking about becoming a Gestalt therapist now. It's such a great somatic method. And fun, too.
- Cuddles. Conversations. Choking. And massages. / Seriously though, I asked Ralf to show me his Brazilian Jiu Jitsu choke hold and I travelled to another dimension for a few minutes. It got me GO high. On another note: I realised I want to channel my aggression and lust in a healthy way. Perhapy BJJ training is a good option. Let's fight!
- My hero outfit. A golden robe. A glitter mask. Starburst earrings. Black wings. So me.
- "Boundaries are not the same thing as walls." - such an important insight. I started journalling in German. Automatically. I'm taking off masks, tearing down walls. Perhaps I don't need the protection of a foreign language anymore. I can feel my own cringey words now. I allow myself to be seen without make-up. I try to show up as the person I really am. I won't hold back anymore.
- An intuitive painting I made with buttery crayons on kraft paper. Swirly. Like a weird map of a cozy corner somewhere in the Universe.
- Stickers from Franzi's friend: Sailor Moon characters fighting the patriarchy and nazis.
- I feel so much love for the people in my group, especially Ralf and Teresa of course, but also Franzi, Frank and Feli. The F-gang. And for all the wonderful people in my life. I appreaciate Christian so much. The ideal balance between freedom and support. He expands my horizon in many ways and I love how he naturally includes me in his family life, his friend group. It feels so good to be a part of something. To be included. And at the same time, I'm free to do my own thing. Meet other people, follow my bliss. He actively encourages it.
- I'm relaxed and happy. With this new mindset, even teaching feels easier. I'm more gentle with myself. I follow my impulses. I hope this state of being stays with me for a long time.
- Ralf. I'm so grateful I met him. He helped me so much with his observation that I need someone to be gentle with me. His daddy energy. His wild playfulness. His Gemini communication mode. I loved that I was able to pay him back with some mum energy when I shipped his dirty laundry off to Jena. I included a heartfelt letter and the Exploding Kittens card game. I felt like a giddy teenager for a whole day when he implied that he's attracted to me too. I really hadn't noticed. We've been talking, flirting, messaging daily for a week now. So far none of us seems to be bored. I'm looking forward to our reunion!
- Teresa. What a lovely human being. I connected with her right away. She's so intelligent, shares my passion for language. And she's so warm, empathic, benevolent, supportive. I ended up talking to her about my idea for a career coaching and she went all in right away. We even might work together. And maybe, just maybe, we're gonna record a podcast together. Even if just to amuse our Heroes messenger group.
- I learned that I have a guest appearance in a fun song: Ich wollte doch nur knutschen auf der Party / Sie war gut gelaunt und ihr Name war Kathi / Das Netzwerk ging kaputt und ich musste das klären / Und Kathi hat geknutscht, aber leider mit Sören - Knutschen
- More music: making a playlist for Teresa's ride home. And Ralf shared Wann strahlst du?. It's grown on me. The lyrics are everything. Highly relevant for my current state: Ich schulde dem Leben das Leuchten in meinen Augen
- Acting in a much more loving way with old friends. Supporting them; touching, hugging, praising them.
- Knowing the answers to two sports questions at the pub quiz.
- Tuning in with my sonic toothbrush. I chanted and hummed, finally harmonized and changed my pitch. It sounded lovely and reminded my of our RAM chants during morning meditation.
- Spending time in the "demon cave" with Lian. Playing airplane. Playing hard. We both loved to be wild - C. was not that amused because he wanted to concentrate on his chess app. But I also started being more gentle with the boy, cuddle him. I've got a feeling that he needs both modes.
- "Freiheiten werden nicht geschenkt, man muss sie sich nehmen." - a random flyer on a lamppost, right when I walked past it, back to school, recording a voice message about... exactly that. The synchronicities are back! Life feels magical.
- An insanely happy and productive day with the help of Yeli's Finest 50. I was so proud of myself because I even did things I'd been putting off for months. It finally felt right to contact Haus der Kunst and ZEIT Sprachen and ask them for an internship. Things are moving. It's happening. It's coming along. Doors are opening.
- Meeting my new osteopath for the first time. I enjoyed his healing, intimate touch while we were talking about all my topics. And I love that we have so much in common. He used to be a civil servant to be able to afford his studies, is a voice actor now, has recently travelled to all my favourite places in Mexico. I'm looking forward to my next appointment.
- I finally got a big box of passion fruit from the tree I adopted last year. What a fragrant delivery.
- Meeting Becky, learning from each other. Enriching and entertaining as usual.
- Finally getting my closet in order. Folding everything, donating a few items, clearing out another shelf to have more room for clothes. What took me so long? / Listening to WILLOW's music throughout the process. It's growing on me: I think I left my consciousness in the sixth dimension
- Biting into a physalis thinking Life is delicious.
- Saturday afternoon at Haus der Kunst with Sash. Walking through freaky environments, taking pictures of each other. Playing in a room full of feathers. Browsing the avantgarde bookstore. I got a postcard of a Hilma af Klint Altar piece.
- Watching Lord of the Rings at C.'s place with his friend Jenny. Spicy morning routine, breakfast with his friends. A stopover at a LEGO church. Spending the whole afternoon soaking in warm water at Therme Bad Aibling. Eating the first ice-cream of the year in the sunshine. Cooking dinner together, talking in bed for a long time.
- Ralf cancelled his weekend plans and invited me to Jena. We already have tickets for the planetarium. Really looking forward to seeing him! I've loved learning more and more about him in the past few days. We are so similar!
- Something very simple but SO pleasurable: boiled potatoes with salt and butter.
- Alex Ava taking two ballroom tickets off my hands when I had to change my plans.
feb 1 2024 ∞
mar 7 2024 +